Fanfiction: The Fine Print of Gratitude (Danganronpa 2)
I'm fairly certain I originally started writing this fic over eleven years ago. I'd conceived of a series of fics in which I took classic fluffy fanfiction premises and ruined them by adding Komaeda. In the end, I only wrote Forecast Bleak, in which Komaeda ruins huddling for warmth.
But now I've finally finished writing this, in which Komaeda ruins nursing someone back to health!
Title: The Fine Print of Gratitude
Fandom: Danganronpa 2
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,000
Summary: Komaeda nurses Hinata back to health after a murder attempt. Well, yes, Komaeda's the one who tried to kill him in the first place, but let's not worry too much about the details.
Content notes: Hinata is temporarily bedridden and a little freaked out about it.
A vague rustling rouses Hinata from his half-sleep. He frowns without opening his eyes, trying to piece together his situation. It feels like someone’s torn up his memories and scattered the shreds in the wrong parts of his mind.
He was...
His frown deepens; he tries to raise a hand to his throat, but his arm feels strange and heavy and distant, somehow, as if it belongs to someone else. He was...
“Good morning, Hinata-kun.”
Hinata’s eyes jerk open.
He was being strangled.
Komaeda gives him a bright, kind smile, and sets a tray down beside the bed. Hinata has no idea what’s actually on the tray. He can’t really raise his head enough to look at it properly.
In any case, it’s hard to focus on anything but the long, bony fingers that were locked around his throat.
You tried to kill me, Hinata tries to say. He manages a “Y...” and a horrible, rusty scraping noise, and he has to stop because his throat feels like it’s closing up around the words.
Komaeda cocks his head, looking politely puzzled.
Again, Hinata tries to bring a hand to his throat, but... it’s not that he doesn’t have the strength to move his arm; it’s like he can’t remember how to move it. Like all he can do is think move, arm, move at it and hope it listens.
He’s completely helpless. Komaeda is going to murder him, and he can’t do a thing to stop it.
He tries again to look at the tray, but it’s hopeless. He’s not sure he wants to see what’s on it, anyway. His mind is screaming possibilities at him - ropes, whips, knives-
“Are you hungry?” Komaeda asks.
Is he...?
Komaeda lifts the tray into his line of vision. Rice balls and a canned drink.
It’s almost scarier than the torture implements would be. For a moment Hinata thought he understood what was going on with Komaeda at last. Komaeda had stopped screwing around, he’d decided to take the straightforward approach and just murder him. But no. Komaeda choked him into unconsciousness, and now he’s offering him rice balls. Hinata still has no idea what this guy is thinking.
Unless... unless this is still a murder attempt.
“Do you need me to feed you?” Komaeda asks.
Hinata manages a grunt that he’s fairly sure is able to convey definitely not. Okay. He can kind of communicate. Which is good, because he absolutely does not want this guy manually feeding him.
Komaeda frowns in concern. “You have to eat, Hinata-kun. Your classmates are going to want you at full strength for the next trial.”
The next trial?
“Did someone die?” Hinata asks, tensing up even more, if that’s possible. Somehow he’s actually able to get the words out, although it’s a painful effort to force them up through his throat. He tries to conjure up some saliva, swallows, twice. It’s agonising.
“Not yet,” Komaeda assures him. “Are you sure you don’t want any food? I did go to the effort of preparing it, you know.”
Not yet.
Hinata stares at the food. He’ll have a central role at the next trial, he’s pretty sure, but it won’t be as an investigator. “It’s poisoned,” he says, trying to open his mouth as little as possible when he speaks, just in case.
Komaeda actually looks shocked, as if this is a totally unfounded accusation. “It’s not poisoned, Hinata-kun! Why would you think that?”
He doesn’t have to answer that.
“I could eat it first,” Komaeda offers. “If you want me to prove that it’s safe.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Hinata says. Every word he says scrapes viciously through his throat. He has to pause, and breathe, and swallow again before he can finish the sentence. “But I wouldn’t put it past you to poison yourself just so you could get me.”
Although, now that he says it, he’s not sure if there’s a right way to take that.
Komaeda looks a little put out. “Well, you should drink something at least.”
Hinata hesitates. He is thirsty. He’s hungry, too, but the thirst is worse. And maybe it’ll do something to ease his wrecked throat.
“Fine,” he says.
It’s in a sealed can. It’s probably not poisoned, right?
Komaeda brightens and holds the tray out to him. Hinata tries to take the can. He manages to move his hand almost half an inch.
What’s wrong with him? Is this going to be his life from now on? Maybe the oxygen deprivation did something to him, maybe he’s going to be bedridden even if Komaeda doesn’t end up murdering him, maybe-
Okay, no, he needs to stop freaking out. He can do this.
Lift his hand. Okay, he can do that. Reach for the tray. Okay, he can do that. Get the can.
But his fingers are clumsy and his grip is weak, and the can crashes onto the floor.
Fuck.
“I could hold it for you,” Komaeda says, a little anxiously. He mimes holding it to Hinata’s lips, and no.
“Fuck you,” Hinata says. “Get me a straw.”
Something strange crosses Komaeda’s expression, and it occurs to Hinata slightly too late that perhaps he shouldn’t be swearing at this guy when he’s entirely at his mercy. He... can’t actually get a read on whether Komaeda is offended or enjoyed that. He really hopes it’s the former.
-
He ends up having to ask Komaeda for help anyway, even when he has a straw; it’s not easy to drink when you’re lying down, and he can’t really raise himself up. Komaeda supports him with a hand on the back of his neck. It’s putting everything in Hinata on edge; it feels like at any moment those hands could end up around his neck again.
But nothing happens. He just finishes drinking, and... yeah, it wasn’t a fun experience, but he does feel a little better, both in his throat and in his head. He’s thinking a little more clearly. Clearly enough to register where he actually is; it looks like a room in the third island’s hospital, which is probably the best place to be, at least. Clearly enough to ask the obvious question.
“Why did you choke me?” he asks.
“As opposed to stabbing you?” Komaeda asks. “Or...?”
Hinata stares at him. “As opposed to not doing either of those things. If you wanted me dead, why am I still alive?”
“But that’s exactly it, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says. “I couldn’t know whether it was best for you to die until I saw you were still alive.”
There’s a pause while Hinata tries to make sense of that. It’s a long one.
“What?” he asks.
“If you’d died,” Komaeda explains, with an air of ‘I really shouldn’t have to explain this’ patience, “your death would have been the luckiest outcome. I’d have known that the trial would be filled with hope. But you lived. So I know now that it’s more fortunate for you to stay alive.”
He tilts his head, considering Hinata for a moment. “I know it’s selfish to say so. But, to be honest, I’m glad my attempt on your life didn’t succeed.”
What do you even say to that?
“Anyway,” Komaeda says, glancing at the door to the room. “I should get back to the others. They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Wait,” Hinata says. He’s ashamed of his fear, ashamed of himself for not wanting Komaeda to leave, of all people. But he doesn’t want to stay here, alone and helpless. “You can’t just leave me here.”
“I’ll be back soon,” Komaeda assures him.
He presses a fond kiss to Hinata’s forehead. It’s absolutely fucking terrifying.
-
While Komaeda’s away, Hinata finds himself thinking a lot about what he said. It’s not like there’s much else he can do; he can barely move.
I’m glad my attempt on your life didn’t succeed.
In the midst of this whole fucked-up situation, that might be the part that unsettles Hinata the most. Komaeda honestly seems to like him, and Hinata can’t get his mind around what makes a person try to kill someone they like.
No matter how much he tries, he can’t understand how this guy thinks. He’s not sure he wants to. If he ever manages to get into Komaeda’s head, he’s a little afraid he won’t be able to climb out of it afterwards.
It’s hard to gauge how much time is passing, except by the movement of the sunlight across the floor. He wouldn’t have expected himself to be capable of it in this situation, but he manages to drift off for a while.
When he wakes, the sun is a lot lower in the sky, and Komaeda still isn’t back.
Terror hits Hinata, too suddenly for him to brace himself against it. What if Komaeda doesn’t come back?
There aren’t many situations in which the presence of Komaeda is an improvement on the absence of Komaeda. But Hinata can’t eat or drink on his own. His stomach is already squirming with hunger; he’s starting to wish he’d just taken the rice balls, poison or no poison.
All he can do is keep his eyes on the door, silently praying to entities that either don’t exist or don’t care, if they let this whole situation happen in the first place.
“Go away,” he says, when Komaeda eventually shows up. It’s humiliating that he’s so relieved to see this guy.
Komaeda hesitates in the doorway, and Hinata has a terrible vision of him actually leaving.
“Don’t,” Hinata says. “I need to eat something. And...” Fuck, he hates that he has to ask for this. “I need someone to bring me to the toilet.”
Komaeda nods. “Of course, Hinata-kun.”
-
The food Komaeda prepares is pretty bland, but it doesn’t seem to be poisoned, at least. Or, if it is, it hasn’t killed Hinata yet.
It’s been two or three days, Hinata guesses. He’s mostly spent the time sleeping, having strange, patchy dreams.
All his dreams seem to be about life on this island, about the people he’s met here. It’d be nice if he could dream about life before the island sometimes; maybe that’d help him remember something about his talent. But his mind seems to be stuck here. Because of the amnesia, or just because this whole murder island situation is the kind of thing that occupies a person’s thoughts?
It’s pointless to think about it. But at least it’s something to think about.
When he’s awake, he’s often fantasising about knocking Komaeda out, which he can’t do, and running for the door, which he can’t do. He’s getting better at moving his limbs when he wants to, but he doesn’t have any strength, he doesn’t have much precision. He can manage a straw on his own, now, if he shuffles back to prop himself against the head of the bedframe, but he still needs Komaeda to feed him most things. Walking is out of the question.
Not that that keeps him from trying.
He spends what feels like half an hour slithering across the floor to the door, trying to kid himself that Komaeda will have forgotten to lock him in, trying to kid himself that he’s capable of crawling far enough to meet someone. In the end, it’s a waste of time either way; he can’t reach up far enough to get his fingers around the door handle.
It’s starting to scare him. This is just... temporary weakness, right? It’s something he can get past with physical therapy. Right?
What if he’s never able to walk again?
That probably isn’t actually his biggest problem, given that he’s trapped on a murder island and being looked after by a guy who wants... he still can’t figure out exactly what Komaeda wants. A guy who’s Komaeda. But, if by some miracle he actually has a substantial amount of life left ahead of him, he’d really prefer to spend it with working muscles.
He drags himself back to the bed, with extensive and painful use of his elbows. No chance of climbing back onto it, but he manages to tug the blanket down by a dangling corner and wrap himself up in it.
He dozes until-
“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda sounds alarmed, as if this isn’t entirely his own fault. “What happened?”
“Fell out of bed,” Hinata lies, as Komaeda helps him back onto the mattress. If he confesses that he was trying to get out of here, there are two potential outcomes: Komaeda straps him to the bed, or Komaeda gets off on Hinata’s hope that maybe he’d be able to escape. He’s really not in the mood for either of them. “Isn’t there anything we can do about the fact that I can’t stand up?”
“Would some kind of slope up to the bed help?” Komaeda asks.
Maybe Hinata could at least roll down it to get to the door slightly quicker, when he’s feeling ready for another probably-doomed escape attempt. He was hoping for a more medical solution, though. “Maybe you should bring Tsumiki here. She’s a nurse, right?”
“Ah, Tsumiki-san,” Komaeda sighs. “I know I shouldn’t deny you the pleasure of being treated by someone so skilled, but...”
“It’s not about pleasure,” Hinata says. “It’s about having someone here who might actually help me get better.”
Komaeda shakes his head. “If Tsumiki-san saw you, she might tell the others. How could I deny them their hope?”
“What hope?” Hinata asks, even though he knows he’s probably going to regret asking, and then, “Wait, tell the others what? I won’t tell her you did this to me, if that’s what it takes to bring her here.”
“She would tell them you’re alive, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda explains, patiently.
It takes a moment for that to sink in. “They think I’m dead?”
“They hope you’re not!”
He guesses it makes sense. If they’d known he was in Komaeda’s care, someone would’ve come to rescue him by now, right?
Are they upset? Is anyone lying awake at night, thinking about him? Or maybe they’re getting used to this, two trials in; maybe they’ll barely notice another person gone. Maybe they’re just glad it wasn’t them.
“Of course, I suppose you’ll choose to confirm your survival eventually,” Komaeda says, like a bad fucking joke. Like it’s up to Hinata, who’s locked in a hospital room and unable to walk. “But I’d like them to be able to hold on to that hope for a little longer, if I can ask for that much.”
“What happens if someone kills you?” Hinata asks. “Do I just starve?”
“I can answer that!” Monokuma announces, springing into the room out of seemingly nowhere.
Holy shit. He’s still never expecting it.
“Trial attendance is compulsory,” Monokuma explains. “If someone murdered Komaeda-kun, there would be a trial, naturally! So I would personally escort you to the trial grounds.”
So, if someone killed Komaeda-
Maybe if Hinata killed Komaeda somehow-
No. He can’t think like that. He refuses to think like that.
-
The thing Hinata resents most about his plight is perhaps the fact that he’s started looking forward to seeing Komaeda, of all people.
Komaeda’s not good company. He is, in fact, some of the worst company Hinata has ever experienced, narrowly beaten by Monokuma, possibly beaten by Hanamura. But he’s still a person, and having someone to talk to is, in a way, a welcome break in Hinata’s days of lying here, alone and bored.
Hinata’s found himself thinking a lot of his first impression of Komaeda. Some of the things Komaeda said felt a little off sometimes, turned the atmosphere uncomfortable. But mostly he just seemed like a normal guy, friendly, observant. He helped to set Hinata at ease in this strange situation.
It feels like a long time ago, now.
“Were you ever normal?” Hinata asks, as Komaeda tucks him into the bed for the night: an unsettling habit that Hinata has given up protesting against.
“I’ve always been normal,” Komaeda says. “I’ve always been a completely ordinary, unremarkable, uninteresting person.”
Yeah, he probably should have expected that answer.
He misses that version of Komaeda he thought he could be friends with, sometimes. But he guesses that Komaeda never really existed.
“I don’t think you’re boring,” Hinata says.
Komaeda beams at him. “You’re extremely kind, Hinata-kun!”
“It wasn’t a compliment.” Hinata shifts onto his side, putting his back to Komaeda. It takes more conscious effort than he’d like it to. “See you in the morning.”
-
When Komaeda comes by with breakfast, Hinata manages to sit up and take a bread roll without his help. He’s able to stand by himself, if he holds onto the bedframe; he’s able to walk, kind of, with Komaeda’s support. It no longer feels like he’s being mostly carried to the bathroom.
It’s encouraging; it makes him think that, if he got out of here, he might at least be able to function alone to some extent. He might still need some help, but he could get that from people less unbearable than Komaeda.
“Is there any way I could persuade you to let me go?” he asks, as Komaeda eases him back onto the bed.
He’s been thinking the question from the start. It’s taken him a while to build up the courage to ask it. Who knows what the fuck Komaeda wants from him?
Komaeda cannot reasonably ask Hinata to kill someone for him. Even if Hinata is doing a little better every day, he’s not in a position to overpower anyone. But Komaeda could still want him to play a role in some stupid, convoluted murder plot, and Hinata’s afraid of being asked to do that; he doesn’t want to find out whether he’s the kind of person who would actually consider it.
“What do you mean, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks, looking politely puzzled.
Has this - has this not occurred to Komaeda? “I want to get out of here. Is there any chance that that’ll ever happen?”
“If you want to get out of here,” Komaeda says, “why don’t you leave?”
They look at each other for a moment. Hinata suspects that his own expression is as blank as Komaeda’s.
“Because,” Hinata says, slowly, “you’re keeping me prisoner?”
“Prisoner?”
Hinata glances at the door of the room. “You... you lock me in when you leave, right?”
Komaeda looks mystified. “Would you like me to do that?”
“N-no, just-” He feels like he’s losing his mind. He... yeah, okay, he didn’t actually manage to reach the handle during his half-hearted escape attempt; he didn’t actually confirm that the door was locked. But of course it was going to be locked, right? “Why did you bring me here, if you don’t want to keep me trapped here?”
“You were injured,” Komaeda says. “This is a hospital.”
They stare at each other for a moment longer.
“Oh my fucking God,” Hinata mutters. “Komaeda, could you bring me to see the others, please?”
“Are you sure?” Komaeda asks. “I thought you might want to be back at full strength before you left. It would be difficult for you to defend yourself at the moment.”
Hinata takes several deep breaths. Braces himself.
“I’ll just have to hope none of my friends are going to try to kill me,” he says.
Komaeda lights up. “Ah, how wonderful! Yes, it would be my honour to take you to them.”
-
It takes a long time for them to shuffle back to the first island, their arms around each other’s shoulders, and Hinata is tense whenever they’re crossing water. Komaeda’s not going to drown you, he tries to tell himself. He’s spent the last, what, five days trying to nurse you back to health?
But Komaeda strangling him was the whole reason he needed nursing, so Hinata’s not about to let his guard down yet.
When they reach the hotel, the first person they run into is Mioda, who shrieks at deafening volume and flings herself onto Hinata, knocking him and Komaeda both flat. Everyone in earshot comes running, probably expecting a murder, and Hinata finds himself at the centre of a blur of hugs and enthusiasm, people asking if he’s okay, people offering all kinds of help. Tsumiki checking him all over, frantically, which is kind of embarrassing in front of everyone. But she seems to think he’s going to recover, which is good news, at least.
It feels - it feels weird to be at the centre of this much attention. As if he’s special, somehow. He is special, he guesses, he’s an Ultimate, but-
It feels kind of good, if he’s honest with himself. Seeing them so happy in this nightmare of a situation, knowing he’s the cause of that happiness.
And it’s all because they weren’t sure if he was dead or alive.
He hates that the thought crosses his mind. It feels like admitting that Komaeda had a point, like it’s a good thing that the others spent all this time just waiting and hoping.
-
Hinata’s glad to be around everyone again, but it’s kind of exhausting; it probably would be even if he weren’t so far from full strength. Eventually, he starts thinking about asking someone to escort him to his cabin.
Nanami would bring him, probably, if he asked her. Or Sonia. But the idea of a girl taking him to his bedroom makes him feel kind of awkward.
He asks Komaeda, in the end. It feels like a bad choice. But none of the others have seen him alone and vulnerable in the way Komaeda has, and he doesn’t like the idea of exposing that side of himself to more people than necessary.
When Komaeda is helping him to his cabin, Hinata spends the whole time thinking about whether he’s going to say thanks. Komaeda’s done a lot for him over the last few days, he guesses, looking back. But this whole thing is Komaeda’s fault; he doesn’t deserve a thank-you.
Still. When Hinata’s been helped onto his bed, after a welcome shower made slightly uncomfortable by Komaeda’s assistance, it doesn’t feel right to just stay silent.
He lies on his side, watching Komaeda. Trying to find the right words.
“Is there anything else you need?” Komaeda asks. “Or should I go?”
“I liked you, you know, when we first met.” It’s difficult to say it aloud. “I wish we could have been friends.”
Komaeda shakes his head. “We’re on different levels of existence. It can’t be helped.”
“That’s not the reason we can’t be friends,” Hinata says. “We can’t be friends because you keep saying weird stuff like that. And, you know, trying to get people killed.”
He brings a hand to his own throat as he says it. It’s a thrill to realise it; it was an automatic motion, it’s the first movement he’s made in days without really having to think about it.
“I only want to see hope shine,” Komaeda says.
“I want to see my friends live,” Hinata says. “If you think you’re worth so much less than me, isn’t what I want more important?”
Komaeda laughs, as if this is fucking funny somehow. “You’re very good with words, Hinata-kun. Perhaps that’s your talent?”
“My talent,” Hinata says, “is surviving five days with no one but you to talk to.”
Komaeda looks a little hurt. It would be fucking ludicrous for Hinata to feel bad about that.
“It was better than being alone,” Hinata concedes, extremely reluctantly.
Komaeda brightens at that. “I’ll check on you later on.”
Hinata thinks about asking him to send someone else instead. Anyone else. There are so many better alternatives to Komaeda here.
All he says, in the end, is, “Thanks.”
But now I've finally finished writing this, in which Komaeda ruins nursing someone back to health!
Title: The Fine Print of Gratitude
Fandom: Danganronpa 2
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 4,000
Summary: Komaeda nurses Hinata back to health after a murder attempt. Well, yes, Komaeda's the one who tried to kill him in the first place, but let's not worry too much about the details.
Content notes: Hinata is temporarily bedridden and a little freaked out about it.
A vague rustling rouses Hinata from his half-sleep. He frowns without opening his eyes, trying to piece together his situation. It feels like someone’s torn up his memories and scattered the shreds in the wrong parts of his mind.
He was...
His frown deepens; he tries to raise a hand to his throat, but his arm feels strange and heavy and distant, somehow, as if it belongs to someone else. He was...
“Good morning, Hinata-kun.”
Hinata’s eyes jerk open.
He was being strangled.
Komaeda gives him a bright, kind smile, and sets a tray down beside the bed. Hinata has no idea what’s actually on the tray. He can’t really raise his head enough to look at it properly.
In any case, it’s hard to focus on anything but the long, bony fingers that were locked around his throat.
You tried to kill me, Hinata tries to say. He manages a “Y...” and a horrible, rusty scraping noise, and he has to stop because his throat feels like it’s closing up around the words.
Komaeda cocks his head, looking politely puzzled.
Again, Hinata tries to bring a hand to his throat, but... it’s not that he doesn’t have the strength to move his arm; it’s like he can’t remember how to move it. Like all he can do is think move, arm, move at it and hope it listens.
He’s completely helpless. Komaeda is going to murder him, and he can’t do a thing to stop it.
He tries again to look at the tray, but it’s hopeless. He’s not sure he wants to see what’s on it, anyway. His mind is screaming possibilities at him - ropes, whips, knives-
“Are you hungry?” Komaeda asks.
Is he...?
Komaeda lifts the tray into his line of vision. Rice balls and a canned drink.
It’s almost scarier than the torture implements would be. For a moment Hinata thought he understood what was going on with Komaeda at last. Komaeda had stopped screwing around, he’d decided to take the straightforward approach and just murder him. But no. Komaeda choked him into unconsciousness, and now he’s offering him rice balls. Hinata still has no idea what this guy is thinking.
Unless... unless this is still a murder attempt.
“Do you need me to feed you?” Komaeda asks.
Hinata manages a grunt that he’s fairly sure is able to convey definitely not. Okay. He can kind of communicate. Which is good, because he absolutely does not want this guy manually feeding him.
Komaeda frowns in concern. “You have to eat, Hinata-kun. Your classmates are going to want you at full strength for the next trial.”
The next trial?
“Did someone die?” Hinata asks, tensing up even more, if that’s possible. Somehow he’s actually able to get the words out, although it’s a painful effort to force them up through his throat. He tries to conjure up some saliva, swallows, twice. It’s agonising.
“Not yet,” Komaeda assures him. “Are you sure you don’t want any food? I did go to the effort of preparing it, you know.”
Not yet.
Hinata stares at the food. He’ll have a central role at the next trial, he’s pretty sure, but it won’t be as an investigator. “It’s poisoned,” he says, trying to open his mouth as little as possible when he speaks, just in case.
Komaeda actually looks shocked, as if this is a totally unfounded accusation. “It’s not poisoned, Hinata-kun! Why would you think that?”
He doesn’t have to answer that.
“I could eat it first,” Komaeda offers. “If you want me to prove that it’s safe.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Hinata says. Every word he says scrapes viciously through his throat. He has to pause, and breathe, and swallow again before he can finish the sentence. “But I wouldn’t put it past you to poison yourself just so you could get me.”
Although, now that he says it, he’s not sure if there’s a right way to take that.
Komaeda looks a little put out. “Well, you should drink something at least.”
Hinata hesitates. He is thirsty. He’s hungry, too, but the thirst is worse. And maybe it’ll do something to ease his wrecked throat.
“Fine,” he says.
It’s in a sealed can. It’s probably not poisoned, right?
Komaeda brightens and holds the tray out to him. Hinata tries to take the can. He manages to move his hand almost half an inch.
What’s wrong with him? Is this going to be his life from now on? Maybe the oxygen deprivation did something to him, maybe he’s going to be bedridden even if Komaeda doesn’t end up murdering him, maybe-
Okay, no, he needs to stop freaking out. He can do this.
Lift his hand. Okay, he can do that. Reach for the tray. Okay, he can do that. Get the can.
But his fingers are clumsy and his grip is weak, and the can crashes onto the floor.
Fuck.
“I could hold it for you,” Komaeda says, a little anxiously. He mimes holding it to Hinata’s lips, and no.
“Fuck you,” Hinata says. “Get me a straw.”
Something strange crosses Komaeda’s expression, and it occurs to Hinata slightly too late that perhaps he shouldn’t be swearing at this guy when he’s entirely at his mercy. He... can’t actually get a read on whether Komaeda is offended or enjoyed that. He really hopes it’s the former.
-
He ends up having to ask Komaeda for help anyway, even when he has a straw; it’s not easy to drink when you’re lying down, and he can’t really raise himself up. Komaeda supports him with a hand on the back of his neck. It’s putting everything in Hinata on edge; it feels like at any moment those hands could end up around his neck again.
But nothing happens. He just finishes drinking, and... yeah, it wasn’t a fun experience, but he does feel a little better, both in his throat and in his head. He’s thinking a little more clearly. Clearly enough to register where he actually is; it looks like a room in the third island’s hospital, which is probably the best place to be, at least. Clearly enough to ask the obvious question.
“Why did you choke me?” he asks.
“As opposed to stabbing you?” Komaeda asks. “Or...?”
Hinata stares at him. “As opposed to not doing either of those things. If you wanted me dead, why am I still alive?”
“But that’s exactly it, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says. “I couldn’t know whether it was best for you to die until I saw you were still alive.”
There’s a pause while Hinata tries to make sense of that. It’s a long one.
“What?” he asks.
“If you’d died,” Komaeda explains, with an air of ‘I really shouldn’t have to explain this’ patience, “your death would have been the luckiest outcome. I’d have known that the trial would be filled with hope. But you lived. So I know now that it’s more fortunate for you to stay alive.”
He tilts his head, considering Hinata for a moment. “I know it’s selfish to say so. But, to be honest, I’m glad my attempt on your life didn’t succeed.”
What do you even say to that?
“Anyway,” Komaeda says, glancing at the door to the room. “I should get back to the others. They’ll be wondering where we are.”
“Wait,” Hinata says. He’s ashamed of his fear, ashamed of himself for not wanting Komaeda to leave, of all people. But he doesn’t want to stay here, alone and helpless. “You can’t just leave me here.”
“I’ll be back soon,” Komaeda assures him.
He presses a fond kiss to Hinata’s forehead. It’s absolutely fucking terrifying.
-
While Komaeda’s away, Hinata finds himself thinking a lot about what he said. It’s not like there’s much else he can do; he can barely move.
I’m glad my attempt on your life didn’t succeed.
In the midst of this whole fucked-up situation, that might be the part that unsettles Hinata the most. Komaeda honestly seems to like him, and Hinata can’t get his mind around what makes a person try to kill someone they like.
No matter how much he tries, he can’t understand how this guy thinks. He’s not sure he wants to. If he ever manages to get into Komaeda’s head, he’s a little afraid he won’t be able to climb out of it afterwards.
It’s hard to gauge how much time is passing, except by the movement of the sunlight across the floor. He wouldn’t have expected himself to be capable of it in this situation, but he manages to drift off for a while.
When he wakes, the sun is a lot lower in the sky, and Komaeda still isn’t back.
Terror hits Hinata, too suddenly for him to brace himself against it. What if Komaeda doesn’t come back?
There aren’t many situations in which the presence of Komaeda is an improvement on the absence of Komaeda. But Hinata can’t eat or drink on his own. His stomach is already squirming with hunger; he’s starting to wish he’d just taken the rice balls, poison or no poison.
All he can do is keep his eyes on the door, silently praying to entities that either don’t exist or don’t care, if they let this whole situation happen in the first place.
“Go away,” he says, when Komaeda eventually shows up. It’s humiliating that he’s so relieved to see this guy.
Komaeda hesitates in the doorway, and Hinata has a terrible vision of him actually leaving.
“Don’t,” Hinata says. “I need to eat something. And...” Fuck, he hates that he has to ask for this. “I need someone to bring me to the toilet.”
Komaeda nods. “Of course, Hinata-kun.”
-
The food Komaeda prepares is pretty bland, but it doesn’t seem to be poisoned, at least. Or, if it is, it hasn’t killed Hinata yet.
It’s been two or three days, Hinata guesses. He’s mostly spent the time sleeping, having strange, patchy dreams.
All his dreams seem to be about life on this island, about the people he’s met here. It’d be nice if he could dream about life before the island sometimes; maybe that’d help him remember something about his talent. But his mind seems to be stuck here. Because of the amnesia, or just because this whole murder island situation is the kind of thing that occupies a person’s thoughts?
It’s pointless to think about it. But at least it’s something to think about.
When he’s awake, he’s often fantasising about knocking Komaeda out, which he can’t do, and running for the door, which he can’t do. He’s getting better at moving his limbs when he wants to, but he doesn’t have any strength, he doesn’t have much precision. He can manage a straw on his own, now, if he shuffles back to prop himself against the head of the bedframe, but he still needs Komaeda to feed him most things. Walking is out of the question.
Not that that keeps him from trying.
He spends what feels like half an hour slithering across the floor to the door, trying to kid himself that Komaeda will have forgotten to lock him in, trying to kid himself that he’s capable of crawling far enough to meet someone. In the end, it’s a waste of time either way; he can’t reach up far enough to get his fingers around the door handle.
It’s starting to scare him. This is just... temporary weakness, right? It’s something he can get past with physical therapy. Right?
What if he’s never able to walk again?
That probably isn’t actually his biggest problem, given that he’s trapped on a murder island and being looked after by a guy who wants... he still can’t figure out exactly what Komaeda wants. A guy who’s Komaeda. But, if by some miracle he actually has a substantial amount of life left ahead of him, he’d really prefer to spend it with working muscles.
He drags himself back to the bed, with extensive and painful use of his elbows. No chance of climbing back onto it, but he manages to tug the blanket down by a dangling corner and wrap himself up in it.
He dozes until-
“Hinata-kun?” Komaeda sounds alarmed, as if this isn’t entirely his own fault. “What happened?”
“Fell out of bed,” Hinata lies, as Komaeda helps him back onto the mattress. If he confesses that he was trying to get out of here, there are two potential outcomes: Komaeda straps him to the bed, or Komaeda gets off on Hinata’s hope that maybe he’d be able to escape. He’s really not in the mood for either of them. “Isn’t there anything we can do about the fact that I can’t stand up?”
“Would some kind of slope up to the bed help?” Komaeda asks.
Maybe Hinata could at least roll down it to get to the door slightly quicker, when he’s feeling ready for another probably-doomed escape attempt. He was hoping for a more medical solution, though. “Maybe you should bring Tsumiki here. She’s a nurse, right?”
“Ah, Tsumiki-san,” Komaeda sighs. “I know I shouldn’t deny you the pleasure of being treated by someone so skilled, but...”
“It’s not about pleasure,” Hinata says. “It’s about having someone here who might actually help me get better.”
Komaeda shakes his head. “If Tsumiki-san saw you, she might tell the others. How could I deny them their hope?”
“What hope?” Hinata asks, even though he knows he’s probably going to regret asking, and then, “Wait, tell the others what? I won’t tell her you did this to me, if that’s what it takes to bring her here.”
“She would tell them you’re alive, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda explains, patiently.
It takes a moment for that to sink in. “They think I’m dead?”
“They hope you’re not!”
He guesses it makes sense. If they’d known he was in Komaeda’s care, someone would’ve come to rescue him by now, right?
Are they upset? Is anyone lying awake at night, thinking about him? Or maybe they’re getting used to this, two trials in; maybe they’ll barely notice another person gone. Maybe they’re just glad it wasn’t them.
“Of course, I suppose you’ll choose to confirm your survival eventually,” Komaeda says, like a bad fucking joke. Like it’s up to Hinata, who’s locked in a hospital room and unable to walk. “But I’d like them to be able to hold on to that hope for a little longer, if I can ask for that much.”
“What happens if someone kills you?” Hinata asks. “Do I just starve?”
“I can answer that!” Monokuma announces, springing into the room out of seemingly nowhere.
Holy shit. He’s still never expecting it.
“Trial attendance is compulsory,” Monokuma explains. “If someone murdered Komaeda-kun, there would be a trial, naturally! So I would personally escort you to the trial grounds.”
So, if someone killed Komaeda-
Maybe if Hinata killed Komaeda somehow-
No. He can’t think like that. He refuses to think like that.
-
The thing Hinata resents most about his plight is perhaps the fact that he’s started looking forward to seeing Komaeda, of all people.
Komaeda’s not good company. He is, in fact, some of the worst company Hinata has ever experienced, narrowly beaten by Monokuma, possibly beaten by Hanamura. But he’s still a person, and having someone to talk to is, in a way, a welcome break in Hinata’s days of lying here, alone and bored.
Hinata’s found himself thinking a lot of his first impression of Komaeda. Some of the things Komaeda said felt a little off sometimes, turned the atmosphere uncomfortable. But mostly he just seemed like a normal guy, friendly, observant. He helped to set Hinata at ease in this strange situation.
It feels like a long time ago, now.
“Were you ever normal?” Hinata asks, as Komaeda tucks him into the bed for the night: an unsettling habit that Hinata has given up protesting against.
“I’ve always been normal,” Komaeda says. “I’ve always been a completely ordinary, unremarkable, uninteresting person.”
Yeah, he probably should have expected that answer.
He misses that version of Komaeda he thought he could be friends with, sometimes. But he guesses that Komaeda never really existed.
“I don’t think you’re boring,” Hinata says.
Komaeda beams at him. “You’re extremely kind, Hinata-kun!”
“It wasn’t a compliment.” Hinata shifts onto his side, putting his back to Komaeda. It takes more conscious effort than he’d like it to. “See you in the morning.”
-
When Komaeda comes by with breakfast, Hinata manages to sit up and take a bread roll without his help. He’s able to stand by himself, if he holds onto the bedframe; he’s able to walk, kind of, with Komaeda’s support. It no longer feels like he’s being mostly carried to the bathroom.
It’s encouraging; it makes him think that, if he got out of here, he might at least be able to function alone to some extent. He might still need some help, but he could get that from people less unbearable than Komaeda.
“Is there any way I could persuade you to let me go?” he asks, as Komaeda eases him back onto the bed.
He’s been thinking the question from the start. It’s taken him a while to build up the courage to ask it. Who knows what the fuck Komaeda wants from him?
Komaeda cannot reasonably ask Hinata to kill someone for him. Even if Hinata is doing a little better every day, he’s not in a position to overpower anyone. But Komaeda could still want him to play a role in some stupid, convoluted murder plot, and Hinata’s afraid of being asked to do that; he doesn’t want to find out whether he’s the kind of person who would actually consider it.
“What do you mean, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda asks, looking politely puzzled.
Has this - has this not occurred to Komaeda? “I want to get out of here. Is there any chance that that’ll ever happen?”
“If you want to get out of here,” Komaeda says, “why don’t you leave?”
They look at each other for a moment. Hinata suspects that his own expression is as blank as Komaeda’s.
“Because,” Hinata says, slowly, “you’re keeping me prisoner?”
“Prisoner?”
Hinata glances at the door of the room. “You... you lock me in when you leave, right?”
Komaeda looks mystified. “Would you like me to do that?”
“N-no, just-” He feels like he’s losing his mind. He... yeah, okay, he didn’t actually manage to reach the handle during his half-hearted escape attempt; he didn’t actually confirm that the door was locked. But of course it was going to be locked, right? “Why did you bring me here, if you don’t want to keep me trapped here?”
“You were injured,” Komaeda says. “This is a hospital.”
They stare at each other for a moment longer.
“Oh my fucking God,” Hinata mutters. “Komaeda, could you bring me to see the others, please?”
“Are you sure?” Komaeda asks. “I thought you might want to be back at full strength before you left. It would be difficult for you to defend yourself at the moment.”
Hinata takes several deep breaths. Braces himself.
“I’ll just have to hope none of my friends are going to try to kill me,” he says.
Komaeda lights up. “Ah, how wonderful! Yes, it would be my honour to take you to them.”
-
It takes a long time for them to shuffle back to the first island, their arms around each other’s shoulders, and Hinata is tense whenever they’re crossing water. Komaeda’s not going to drown you, he tries to tell himself. He’s spent the last, what, five days trying to nurse you back to health?
But Komaeda strangling him was the whole reason he needed nursing, so Hinata’s not about to let his guard down yet.
When they reach the hotel, the first person they run into is Mioda, who shrieks at deafening volume and flings herself onto Hinata, knocking him and Komaeda both flat. Everyone in earshot comes running, probably expecting a murder, and Hinata finds himself at the centre of a blur of hugs and enthusiasm, people asking if he’s okay, people offering all kinds of help. Tsumiki checking him all over, frantically, which is kind of embarrassing in front of everyone. But she seems to think he’s going to recover, which is good news, at least.
It feels - it feels weird to be at the centre of this much attention. As if he’s special, somehow. He is special, he guesses, he’s an Ultimate, but-
It feels kind of good, if he’s honest with himself. Seeing them so happy in this nightmare of a situation, knowing he’s the cause of that happiness.
And it’s all because they weren’t sure if he was dead or alive.
He hates that the thought crosses his mind. It feels like admitting that Komaeda had a point, like it’s a good thing that the others spent all this time just waiting and hoping.
-
Hinata’s glad to be around everyone again, but it’s kind of exhausting; it probably would be even if he weren’t so far from full strength. Eventually, he starts thinking about asking someone to escort him to his cabin.
Nanami would bring him, probably, if he asked her. Or Sonia. But the idea of a girl taking him to his bedroom makes him feel kind of awkward.
He asks Komaeda, in the end. It feels like a bad choice. But none of the others have seen him alone and vulnerable in the way Komaeda has, and he doesn’t like the idea of exposing that side of himself to more people than necessary.
When Komaeda is helping him to his cabin, Hinata spends the whole time thinking about whether he’s going to say thanks. Komaeda’s done a lot for him over the last few days, he guesses, looking back. But this whole thing is Komaeda’s fault; he doesn’t deserve a thank-you.
Still. When Hinata’s been helped onto his bed, after a welcome shower made slightly uncomfortable by Komaeda’s assistance, it doesn’t feel right to just stay silent.
He lies on his side, watching Komaeda. Trying to find the right words.
“Is there anything else you need?” Komaeda asks. “Or should I go?”
“I liked you, you know, when we first met.” It’s difficult to say it aloud. “I wish we could have been friends.”
Komaeda shakes his head. “We’re on different levels of existence. It can’t be helped.”
“That’s not the reason we can’t be friends,” Hinata says. “We can’t be friends because you keep saying weird stuff like that. And, you know, trying to get people killed.”
He brings a hand to his own throat as he says it. It’s a thrill to realise it; it was an automatic motion, it’s the first movement he’s made in days without really having to think about it.
“I only want to see hope shine,” Komaeda says.
“I want to see my friends live,” Hinata says. “If you think you’re worth so much less than me, isn’t what I want more important?”
Komaeda laughs, as if this is fucking funny somehow. “You’re very good with words, Hinata-kun. Perhaps that’s your talent?”
“My talent,” Hinata says, “is surviving five days with no one but you to talk to.”
Komaeda looks a little hurt. It would be fucking ludicrous for Hinata to feel bad about that.
“It was better than being alone,” Hinata concedes, extremely reluctantly.
Komaeda brightens at that. “I’ll check on you later on.”
Hinata thinks about asking him to send someone else instead. Anyone else. There are so many better alternatives to Komaeda here.
All he says, in the end, is, “Thanks.”