Tes... Testicle... Testicle Videos. Yeah, Testicle Videos.
I've just got my first ending in AI: The Somnium Files: nirvanA Initiative, so it seems a good time to gather my thoughts on this bizarre game so far!
A text Ginger sent to our household chat shortly after Tem and I started playing this game:
Ginger: All I just heard from the lounge was Riona and Tem saying in unison 'eyeball tamagotchi'.
Why does this game have a feature where you raise a tamagotchi of an eyeball? I have no idea, but I'm delighted.
When I opened the in-game menu, a pop-up that said 'Worried about life?' appeared. I said yes, and the protagonist's AI eyeball tried to give us therapy.
And my more spoilery thoughts are beneath the cut! I'm up to... hmm, I'm not confident on the names of the characters, and I don't want to look them up in case I get spoiled. The Shoma and Komeji ending? The kid and his disconcertingly square-headed comedian father.
When we started this game, it immediately hurled us into a quiz show that asked me, the player, whether I'd played the first game, so it knew whether it could include spoilery material. I said yes, truthfully. It quizzed me about a relatively minor detail from that game, which I got wrong, and then decided it didn't believe me. I had to restart the game so I wouldn't miss out on any content.
I can't believe Date now wears a mask of the murderer who removed his eye and stole his body. I realise it's so this game can include Date without spoiling that particular revelation. But it's still ludicrous.
(Also, if this is a world with masks that can perfectly mimic human faces, I feel Gen should invest in something less alarming than his current outfit.)
Have Naix realised they're in a videogame? Is their goal to break out of the videogame?
Ryuki doesn't seem particularly horny, but all the other characters treat him like he must surely be extremely horny, because even the game itself can't comprehend the idea of a non-horny Uchikoshi protagonist.
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN ATTACH HALF A CORPSE TO A BLACKBOARD BY REMOVING ITS INTERNAL ORGANS AND USING IT LIKE A SUCTION CUP
Riona: What do you think the odds are that Tama's going to say something horny when I examine this fountain?
Tem: Extremely high.
(I examine the fountain)
Tama: Wow, it's spurting out so vigorously.
You can't demote Ryuki; he had his eye surgically removed for this job! It really seems like he should be able to sue in that situation.
I can't believe there's a whole involved backstory for how Date gained his porn-related superpowers by having a near-death experience the first time he saw a porno mag.
Here are my predictions so far, based largely on the sort of magnificent bullshit I've come to expect from Uchikoshi games:
- Ryuki is not the twin he believes himself to be.
- The masked woman is Mizuki from the future.
- Date's going to get cut in half in the six-years-ago timeframe.
- Naix are right: this world is a simulation, specifically a videogame, specifically AI: The Somnium Files: nirvanA Initiative.
Of course, there's a fair chance I'm wrong on all these counts and the truth is something much stupider. I'm looking forward to finding out.
Rei: Why do I always walk in during the weird sex parts of your game?
Tem: Because this game is entirely composed of weird sex parts.
A text Ginger sent to our household chat shortly after Tem and I started playing this game:
Ginger: All I just heard from the lounge was Riona and Tem saying in unison 'eyeball tamagotchi'.
Why does this game have a feature where you raise a tamagotchi of an eyeball? I have no idea, but I'm delighted.
When I opened the in-game menu, a pop-up that said 'Worried about life?' appeared. I said yes, and the protagonist's AI eyeball tried to give us therapy.
And my more spoilery thoughts are beneath the cut! I'm up to... hmm, I'm not confident on the names of the characters, and I don't want to look them up in case I get spoiled. The Shoma and Komeji ending? The kid and his disconcertingly square-headed comedian father.
When we started this game, it immediately hurled us into a quiz show that asked me, the player, whether I'd played the first game, so it knew whether it could include spoilery material. I said yes, truthfully. It quizzed me about a relatively minor detail from that game, which I got wrong, and then decided it didn't believe me. I had to restart the game so I wouldn't miss out on any content.
I can't believe Date now wears a mask of the murderer who removed his eye and stole his body. I realise it's so this game can include Date without spoiling that particular revelation. But it's still ludicrous.
(Also, if this is a world with masks that can perfectly mimic human faces, I feel Gen should invest in something less alarming than his current outfit.)
Have Naix realised they're in a videogame? Is their goal to break out of the videogame?
Ryuki doesn't seem particularly horny, but all the other characters treat him like he must surely be extremely horny, because even the game itself can't comprehend the idea of a non-horny Uchikoshi protagonist.
I DON'T THINK YOU CAN ATTACH HALF A CORPSE TO A BLACKBOARD BY REMOVING ITS INTERNAL ORGANS AND USING IT LIKE A SUCTION CUP
Riona: What do you think the odds are that Tama's going to say something horny when I examine this fountain?
Tem: Extremely high.
(I examine the fountain)
Tama: Wow, it's spurting out so vigorously.
You can't demote Ryuki; he had his eye surgically removed for this job! It really seems like he should be able to sue in that situation.
I can't believe there's a whole involved backstory for how Date gained his porn-related superpowers by having a near-death experience the first time he saw a porno mag.
Here are my predictions so far, based largely on the sort of magnificent bullshit I've come to expect from Uchikoshi games:
- Ryuki is not the twin he believes himself to be.
- The masked woman is Mizuki from the future.
- Date's going to get cut in half in the six-years-ago timeframe.
- Naix are right: this world is a simulation, specifically a videogame, specifically AI: The Somnium Files: nirvanA Initiative.
Of course, there's a fair chance I'm wrong on all these counts and the truth is something much stupider. I'm looking forward to finding out.
Rei: Why do I always walk in during the weird sex parts of your game?
Tem: Because this game is entirely composed of weird sex parts.