Fanfiction: Step One (Persona 5, Ryuji/protagonist)
I called the protagonist Rei the entire way through writing this fic. I very nearly forgot I'd have to change his name to Ren before posting it if I wanted the fandom to know who I was talking about.
In some ways, writing Ryuji feels like writing a swearier Prompto.
Title: Step One
Fandom: Persona 5
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryuji/protagonist
Wordcount: 1,500
Summary: Crap. Ren's noticed that Ryuji is acting weird. Looks like Ryuji's only option is to confess.
You doing okay?
It’s a text from Ren. Short and to the point, like all Ren’s text messages. It’s a totally normal question; it doesn’t seem like it should be able to set Ryuji’s heart beating so hard.
Goddammit. Ryuji can’t keep avoiding him. Ren’s a perceptive guy; he was always going to notice, especially as Ryuji was asking him to hang out non-stop before he realised why he was asking Ren to hang out non-stop.
The thing about Ren...
He’s just this calm, quiet guy, right? And ‘calm and quiet’, that’s never been Ryuji’s style. Ren listens carefully most of the time, only speaks up when he has to. Ryuji, as people love to remind him, talks pretty much constantly.
But maybe that’s why they work. When he’s with Ren, Ryuji doesn’t have to worry he’s screwing up by taking up all the airtime in their conversation, ’cause he knows that’s the way Ren prefers it. He can be himself, he doesn’t have to watch his mouth. Which is good, because he’s not great at that.
Okay, correction: he didn’t have to watch his mouth before now.
Now? Now there’s a problem.
Like, they’re only meant to be stealing the bad guys’ hearts, right? ’Cause Ryuji kind of has a feeling Ren might have run off with his when he wasn’t looking.
Ugh. What’s he supposed to do with this?
It’s not like Ren’d actually be interested in him, right? Ren’s just... so much cooler than him, and way smarter, and so hard to read.
Honestly, even if Ren actually made a move on him (which is weird to think about), Ryuji might just freak out and hide. It feels like more than he can handle right now.
He guesses he just has to ignore it, then.
He’s really bad at ignoring things.
-
“I’m glad you came,” Ren says. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Ryuji texted Ren last night to tell him he’d be showing up at Leblanc. Barely slept after that. Is he really going to do this?
“Can we go up to your room?” Ryuji asks, with an uncomfortable glance over at Boss.
Ren pauses, then nods. Gestures at the stairs.
What’s he thinking? Has he noticed that Ryuji hasn’t brought any comics today? Does he think Ryuji’s having second thoughts about the Phantom Thieves? Is he just thinking about how great Boss’s curry smells? (It does smell pretty great.)
Ryuji never really knows what Ren’s thinking. But he wants to.
-
“Oh, hey, these star stickers are new, right?” Ryuji asks, looking up at the rafters. “They look great! And-”
He spots something else Ren’s used to decorate his bedroom, the ramen bowl Ryuji gave him, and he kind of chokes and goes quiet.
Ren’s taken a seat on the couch. He’s looking at Ryuji in a way that feels uncomfortably analytic. Maybe it’s just that getting looked at by Ren in general feels uncomfortable right now.
“Is something wrong?” Ren asks.
“What? No.” Oh, man, is he really backing out? He’s a coward. Honestly, in this instant, being a coward feels great. “Nah, it’s all good. Just, you know, been busy, thought it’d be good to see you.”
It’s way too good to see him.
Ren doesn’t speak, and normally that’d be fine, normally Ryuji would happily fill the conversation vacuum, but now it’s dangerous because he doesn’t know how much he’s going to say if he’s just left to keep talking.
“And, y’know, it is,” Ryuji says. “It’s great to see you, I mean. Trying to stay away, it was really hard, it sucked.”
“Trying to stay away?” Ren repeats.
Fuck. Ryuji cannot believe he’s screwed up this hard, this quickly.
Ryuji laughs, nervously. “I mean...”
Ren’s looking at him with a slight frown, his hair all tousled (when the hell did Ryuji start noticing stuff like that?), and he... he looks concerned, he looks hurt in a way Ryuji’s not used to seeing from him.
“I mean, it’s not, like, anything bad, I just - I was feeling weird, I felt like-”
He has to say it, doesn’t he? He has to say it. He can’t believe he’s done this to himself.
“I... I think I might...” Ryuji squeezes his eyes shut. “I think I might... like you. Like, in a girls way.”
Holy crap, he’s said it. It’s out there now.
Ren doesn’t say anything, which is pretty normal for him but is also absolutely not what Ryuji needs right now.
Ryuji builds up the courage to crack an eye open. “Look, man, I’m gonna need you to talk.”
“A girls way?” Ren asks, sounding slightly amused, because apparently Ryuji’s emotional turmoil is hilarious.
“Shut up! You know what I mean! This is - this is a confession, okay, that’s what’s happening here.” It’s tempting to close his eyes again, but he needs both of them open in order to glare. “I like you. Okay?”
“I already knew that,” Ren says.
Huh?
“Wait, you knew?” Ryuji demands. “How long? You’re not allowed to know. I didn’t know.”
“I suspected,” Ren corrects himself.
“No, you didn’t! This is a totally new thing!”
Ren looks like he’s trying not to laugh. Screw this guy.
“Fine,” Ryuji says. “If you’re so smart, what gave it away?”
Ren raises his eyebrows. “Do you want specifics?”
“I want - wait, shit!” Shit! In all the indignation, he totally forgot to freak out. “Are you okay with this? Like, is this too much? Is it gonna screw up our friendship? Do you want to just, like - forget about it, or...?”
“Ryuji,” Ren interrupts, with that little almost-smile thing he does, the one that’s got this weird draw to it and kind of pisses Ryuji off at the same time. “If I was already spending time with you when I suspected, I don’t think having it confirmed is going to make me cut ties.”
Okay. Okay, that’s good. Ryuji’s heart can stop beating so hard now, thanks.
“Okay,” Ryuji says. He hesitates. “Soooooo.”
So... what happens now?
“So?” Ren asks, absolutely not helping.
Ryuji kicks at the floor. “I mean, I just kind of bared my heart to you. What, are we meant to go straight to playing Mario Kart?”
Ren shrugs. “If you like.”
“Okay, look, dude, this is torture,” Ryuji says. “I just need you to say you’re not interested and we can still be friends, all right?”
A few seconds go by. Each second somehow manages to be worse than the one before it. Ryuji can barely make himself look at Ren right now.
“What if I’m interested?” Ren asks.
You see, this is how Ren does conversations. Just listens and nods and then totally dominates the whole situation with like four words at a time. Ryuji can’t breathe properly.
He forces himself to look at Ren. Ren is smirking. Ren is an absolute asshole.
“Don’t screw with me,” Ryuji says. His voice is kind of shaking. He’s really trying to keep it steady. “This is a real thing, okay? This matters to me.”
“Hey,” Ren says, his smirk fading. “I’m not making fun of you.”
“Then what are you trying to do?” Ryuji demands. “You’re not interested. I’m a guy.”
“New information,” Ren says. “I’ll consider it.”
“And - and I’m me.”
Ren pauses. “What do you mean?”
Does he have to say it? Does he really have to lay out all the ways he is totally not qualified to hang out with this guy, let alone... “I mean, you’ve seen my exam scores, right?”
Ren looks blankly at him.
“Right?” Ryuji asks, again. “I’m pretty much rock bottom. And it’s not like I don’t try; I just suck.”
There’s a moment’s silence. Ryuji can feel the heat in his face. He hates talking about this shit.
“So I wouldn’t be interested in you,” Ren says. “Because you... don’t do well enough in exams?”
“I mean, you’re totally out of my league,” Ryuji says.
Ren pauses. “I didn’t know they were romantic compatibility exams.”
“Don’t say that word!” Ryuji hisses. “Don’t do that, it’s embarrassing!”
Ren tilts his head. The almost-smile is back. “Romantic?”
“That’s not what this is!”
“It could be,” Ren says.
And he’s done it again, just knocked all the words out of Ryuji’s head and left him scrambling on the floor to pick them all up.
“I - I -” Ryuji swallows. “I don’t know how to do this! I don’t know how to do this, how am I supposed to do this? I don’t know anything about this shit!”
Ren gives a low, quiet laugh that really screws up Ryuji’s insides. “Did you not think about what would happen if your confession went well?”
He definitely hadn’t considered that possibility. This is exactly why he’s so bad at exams. “I mean, do we date? And, like, what if people find out?” He guesses this would probably technically be a less dangerous secret than the fact that they’re Phantom Thieves, but somehow it feels bigger. “And what if I’m a shitty boyfriend? And-”
“Calm down,” Ren says. It’s gentle, but it feels like there’s something kind of intense behind it. “You can leave the questions to me. I’m the leader, right?”
Ryuji shuts up. Swallows. Holy shit. He wasn’t prepared for that.
“We could start with a kiss,” Ren says, standing up from the couch. “You don’t have to think about anything after that right now.”
Ryuji can feel his entire face burning. “Oh,” he says, and then, “Y-yeah, okay.”
In some ways, writing Ryuji feels like writing a swearier Prompto.
Title: Step One
Fandom: Persona 5
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Ryuji/protagonist
Wordcount: 1,500
Summary: Crap. Ren's noticed that Ryuji is acting weird. Looks like Ryuji's only option is to confess.
You doing okay?
It’s a text from Ren. Short and to the point, like all Ren’s text messages. It’s a totally normal question; it doesn’t seem like it should be able to set Ryuji’s heart beating so hard.
Goddammit. Ryuji can’t keep avoiding him. Ren’s a perceptive guy; he was always going to notice, especially as Ryuji was asking him to hang out non-stop before he realised why he was asking Ren to hang out non-stop.
The thing about Ren...
He’s just this calm, quiet guy, right? And ‘calm and quiet’, that’s never been Ryuji’s style. Ren listens carefully most of the time, only speaks up when he has to. Ryuji, as people love to remind him, talks pretty much constantly.
But maybe that’s why they work. When he’s with Ren, Ryuji doesn’t have to worry he’s screwing up by taking up all the airtime in their conversation, ’cause he knows that’s the way Ren prefers it. He can be himself, he doesn’t have to watch his mouth. Which is good, because he’s not great at that.
Okay, correction: he didn’t have to watch his mouth before now.
Now? Now there’s a problem.
Like, they’re only meant to be stealing the bad guys’ hearts, right? ’Cause Ryuji kind of has a feeling Ren might have run off with his when he wasn’t looking.
Ugh. What’s he supposed to do with this?
It’s not like Ren’d actually be interested in him, right? Ren’s just... so much cooler than him, and way smarter, and so hard to read.
Honestly, even if Ren actually made a move on him (which is weird to think about), Ryuji might just freak out and hide. It feels like more than he can handle right now.
He guesses he just has to ignore it, then.
He’s really bad at ignoring things.
-
“I’m glad you came,” Ren says. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”
Ryuji texted Ren last night to tell him he’d be showing up at Leblanc. Barely slept after that. Is he really going to do this?
“Can we go up to your room?” Ryuji asks, with an uncomfortable glance over at Boss.
Ren pauses, then nods. Gestures at the stairs.
What’s he thinking? Has he noticed that Ryuji hasn’t brought any comics today? Does he think Ryuji’s having second thoughts about the Phantom Thieves? Is he just thinking about how great Boss’s curry smells? (It does smell pretty great.)
Ryuji never really knows what Ren’s thinking. But he wants to.
-
“Oh, hey, these star stickers are new, right?” Ryuji asks, looking up at the rafters. “They look great! And-”
He spots something else Ren’s used to decorate his bedroom, the ramen bowl Ryuji gave him, and he kind of chokes and goes quiet.
Ren’s taken a seat on the couch. He’s looking at Ryuji in a way that feels uncomfortably analytic. Maybe it’s just that getting looked at by Ren in general feels uncomfortable right now.
“Is something wrong?” Ren asks.
“What? No.” Oh, man, is he really backing out? He’s a coward. Honestly, in this instant, being a coward feels great. “Nah, it’s all good. Just, you know, been busy, thought it’d be good to see you.”
It’s way too good to see him.
Ren doesn’t speak, and normally that’d be fine, normally Ryuji would happily fill the conversation vacuum, but now it’s dangerous because he doesn’t know how much he’s going to say if he’s just left to keep talking.
“And, y’know, it is,” Ryuji says. “It’s great to see you, I mean. Trying to stay away, it was really hard, it sucked.”
“Trying to stay away?” Ren repeats.
Fuck. Ryuji cannot believe he’s screwed up this hard, this quickly.
Ryuji laughs, nervously. “I mean...”
Ren’s looking at him with a slight frown, his hair all tousled (when the hell did Ryuji start noticing stuff like that?), and he... he looks concerned, he looks hurt in a way Ryuji’s not used to seeing from him.
“I mean, it’s not, like, anything bad, I just - I was feeling weird, I felt like-”
He has to say it, doesn’t he? He has to say it. He can’t believe he’s done this to himself.
“I... I think I might...” Ryuji squeezes his eyes shut. “I think I might... like you. Like, in a girls way.”
Holy crap, he’s said it. It’s out there now.
Ren doesn’t say anything, which is pretty normal for him but is also absolutely not what Ryuji needs right now.
Ryuji builds up the courage to crack an eye open. “Look, man, I’m gonna need you to talk.”
“A girls way?” Ren asks, sounding slightly amused, because apparently Ryuji’s emotional turmoil is hilarious.
“Shut up! You know what I mean! This is - this is a confession, okay, that’s what’s happening here.” It’s tempting to close his eyes again, but he needs both of them open in order to glare. “I like you. Okay?”
“I already knew that,” Ren says.
Huh?
“Wait, you knew?” Ryuji demands. “How long? You’re not allowed to know. I didn’t know.”
“I suspected,” Ren corrects himself.
“No, you didn’t! This is a totally new thing!”
Ren looks like he’s trying not to laugh. Screw this guy.
“Fine,” Ryuji says. “If you’re so smart, what gave it away?”
Ren raises his eyebrows. “Do you want specifics?”
“I want - wait, shit!” Shit! In all the indignation, he totally forgot to freak out. “Are you okay with this? Like, is this too much? Is it gonna screw up our friendship? Do you want to just, like - forget about it, or...?”
“Ryuji,” Ren interrupts, with that little almost-smile thing he does, the one that’s got this weird draw to it and kind of pisses Ryuji off at the same time. “If I was already spending time with you when I suspected, I don’t think having it confirmed is going to make me cut ties.”
Okay. Okay, that’s good. Ryuji’s heart can stop beating so hard now, thanks.
“Okay,” Ryuji says. He hesitates. “Soooooo.”
So... what happens now?
“So?” Ren asks, absolutely not helping.
Ryuji kicks at the floor. “I mean, I just kind of bared my heart to you. What, are we meant to go straight to playing Mario Kart?”
Ren shrugs. “If you like.”
“Okay, look, dude, this is torture,” Ryuji says. “I just need you to say you’re not interested and we can still be friends, all right?”
A few seconds go by. Each second somehow manages to be worse than the one before it. Ryuji can barely make himself look at Ren right now.
“What if I’m interested?” Ren asks.
You see, this is how Ren does conversations. Just listens and nods and then totally dominates the whole situation with like four words at a time. Ryuji can’t breathe properly.
He forces himself to look at Ren. Ren is smirking. Ren is an absolute asshole.
“Don’t screw with me,” Ryuji says. His voice is kind of shaking. He’s really trying to keep it steady. “This is a real thing, okay? This matters to me.”
“Hey,” Ren says, his smirk fading. “I’m not making fun of you.”
“Then what are you trying to do?” Ryuji demands. “You’re not interested. I’m a guy.”
“New information,” Ren says. “I’ll consider it.”
“And - and I’m me.”
Ren pauses. “What do you mean?”
Does he have to say it? Does he really have to lay out all the ways he is totally not qualified to hang out with this guy, let alone... “I mean, you’ve seen my exam scores, right?”
Ren looks blankly at him.
“Right?” Ryuji asks, again. “I’m pretty much rock bottom. And it’s not like I don’t try; I just suck.”
There’s a moment’s silence. Ryuji can feel the heat in his face. He hates talking about this shit.
“So I wouldn’t be interested in you,” Ren says. “Because you... don’t do well enough in exams?”
“I mean, you’re totally out of my league,” Ryuji says.
Ren pauses. “I didn’t know they were romantic compatibility exams.”
“Don’t say that word!” Ryuji hisses. “Don’t do that, it’s embarrassing!”
Ren tilts his head. The almost-smile is back. “Romantic?”
“That’s not what this is!”
“It could be,” Ren says.
And he’s done it again, just knocked all the words out of Ryuji’s head and left him scrambling on the floor to pick them all up.
“I - I -” Ryuji swallows. “I don’t know how to do this! I don’t know how to do this, how am I supposed to do this? I don’t know anything about this shit!”
Ren gives a low, quiet laugh that really screws up Ryuji’s insides. “Did you not think about what would happen if your confession went well?”
He definitely hadn’t considered that possibility. This is exactly why he’s so bad at exams. “I mean, do we date? And, like, what if people find out?” He guesses this would probably technically be a less dangerous secret than the fact that they’re Phantom Thieves, but somehow it feels bigger. “And what if I’m a shitty boyfriend? And-”
“Calm down,” Ren says. It’s gentle, but it feels like there’s something kind of intense behind it. “You can leave the questions to me. I’m the leader, right?”
Ryuji shuts up. Swallows. Holy shit. He wasn’t prepared for that.
“We could start with a kiss,” Ren says, standing up from the couch. “You don’t have to think about anything after that right now.”
Ryuji can feel his entire face burning. “Oh,” he says, and then, “Y-yeah, okay.”