Alphabet Ficsnippets, 'It's Finally Over' Edition.
I FINISHED THE ALPHABET FICSNIPPETS.
Recent followers will not be aware of how these alphabet ficsnippets have plagued me for the last half-decade. In 2010, I wrote twenty-six little snippets of fanfiction: the first contained one character whose name started with A and one whose name started with B, the second a B and a C, and so on (A to M, N to Z). It was fun! It was relatively quick! It seemed like a good idea to attempt it again, this time with characters that shared an initial!
It has taken a thousand years. I said in the second instalment, back in 2013, that I probably wouldn't be finished until 2015. It was supposed to be a humorous exaggeration.
But here we are at last! If any of the previous character combinations listed strike your fancy, here are links to the other instalments.
First Edition: A, L, M, O, P, X
Obscure Japanese Fandom Edition: D, I, K, R, T, U
'Four Letters? This Took You a Year?' Edition: E, F, H, J(x2)
Disproportionately Dudes Edition: C, N, V(x2), W, Y
A: Blaine Anderson (Glee)/fal'Cie Anima (Final Fantasy XIII)
B: Ffamran ‘Balthier’ Bunansa (Final Fantasy XII)/Joffrey Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire)
“You’re the smugglers?” Joffrey demands.
“So we’ve been told,” Balthier says. “It’s an honour to meet you, Your Grace.”
“Sansa was mine. You had no right to take her.”
“Was she? No doubt your lovely Tyrell bride-to-be will be curious to hear that. And I seem to recall the Lady Sansa was also married elsewhere. To your uncle, wasn’t it?”
“He’d have to let me have her if I told him. I’m the king. Nobody keeps me from having what I want.”
“Nobody but smugglers, it seems,” Balthier remarks.
“Your Grace must have suffered,” Fran says, dry as desert air. “To lose your plaything, never before deprived.”
“But she asked so politely for us to kidnap her,” Balthier says. “How could any man refuse?”
“I want them dead,” Joffrey snarls.
“One of us knows where the lady was taken,” Fran says. “You have no interest in that?”
Balthier is grateful for her quick thinking. They both know where Lady Sansa is, of course: travelling with Queen Ashe, under Basch’s protection. If Joffrey doesn’t know which of them holds the answer, they just might both stay alive until Ashe seizes the throne that is rightfully hers.
“It would be wisest to keep them alive,” Queen Cersei advises the king. “Lady Sansa is still our strongest bargaining piece for your uncle Jaime.”
Joffrey sets his jaw. “I don’t care. They stole from me. I want them dead.”
“You are going to care,” Cersei says, sharply, and Joffrey looks at her with an expression of outraged shock; he is evidently unused to being told ‘no’ by his mother. “Kill them if you like. But not until either Sansa or Jaime is restored to us.”
-
“You two,” a voice calls as Balthier and Fran are being led along in chains, and Balthier looks over his shoulder. If he had to make an educated guess, he’d say the man approaching was Tyrion Lannister, the young king’s other maternal uncle. The one the bards tend not to sing about.
“Lord Tyrion,” Balthier greets him. “My, we are meeting some famous faces today. We’ve just come from an audience with your charming nephew.”
“Is that so? I thought Tommen was still away.”
“What can Fran and I do for you?” Given that they ran off with the man’s wife, he can’t imagine that Tyrion’s intentions are terribly friendly.
Tyrion seems to hesitate. “Is Sansa Stark safe?”
“You call her by her maiden name,” Balthier observes.
Tyrion gives him an odd, tight smile. “I suppose she never really left it behind. Is she safe? Is she well?”
“She’s in good hands,” Balthier says. “I’m sure you’ll understand if I’m reluctant to give more detail.”
“No need,” Tyrion says. “That’s all I had to know. Thank you.”
C: Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)/Cissnei (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)
D: Daisuke Niwa (DN Angel)/Duck (Princess Tutu)
E: Elena Fisher (Uncharted)/Eugene Fitzherbert (Tangled)
F: Lightning Farron (Final Fantasy XIII)/Ffamran ‘Balthier’ Bunansa (Final Fantasy XII)
G: Greg House (House MD)/Will Graham (Hannibal)
“Uh,” Chase says.
“What?” House asks. “If you have an idea, let’s hear it.”
Chase hesitates. “You’ll laugh at me.”
“All the more reason we should hear it. You do realise I hired you for your comedy value, right? God knows I could’ve done better if I’d been looking for a doctor.”
“I’m not going to say it.”
“Say it or you’re fired.”
Chase taps his pen rapidly against his leg. “It almost looks like... kuru.”
There’s a pause.
“I’m so glad I took this case,” House says.
-
“So,” House says, striding into the patient’s room. “We ask you about times you’ve been overseas, and, in your extremely long and boring list, you neglect to mention your little trip to Papua New Guinea.”
“I have not been to Papua New Guinea,” Dr Lecter says.
“Sure you have,” House says. “Probably the Okapa District, specifically. Where you took part in a ritual called... what was it, again? It’s a pretty complicated, technical name. Oh, yeah: eating the dead.”
“You’re mistaken.”
“You probably didn’t know it was human,” House concedes, even though that makes this whole thing less fun. “I’m guessing the language barrier made it tough to ask what meat you were having when one of the locals served you a big, juicy slice of Granddad.”
Dr Lecter looks evenly back at him. “One of my patients came to this country from Papua New Guinea. She went missing some time ago, as a matter of fact. Perhaps she fell prey to this disease you think I have.”
“Nice try,” House says. “You’re not going to catch kuru from a therapy session. So, unless you’re in the habit of eating your patients-”
-
“Dr Lecter was a patient in the hospital where the murder took place,” Jack says, leading the way to the crime scene. “He may be able to help with the investigation.”
Will frowns. The overlap between his work and his therapy seems to be growing steadily larger and larger, and something about it makes him uneasy.
H: Hajime Hinata (Super Dangan Ronpa 2)/Haruka Nanase (Free!)
I: Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)/Hanako Ikezawa (Katawa Shoujo)
J: John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)/Patrick Jane (The Mentalist) and Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)/Jeff Winger (Community)
K: Kyouko Kirigiri (Dangan Ronpa)/Sazh Katzroy (Final Fantasy XIII)
L: Teresa Lisbon (The Mentalist)/Light Yagami (Death Note)
M: Fa Mulan (Mulan)/Bonnie MacFarlane (Red Dead Redemption)
N: Makoto Naegi (Dangan Ronpa)/Nagito Komaeda (Super Dangan Ronpa 2)
O: Oerba Yun Fang (Final Fantasy XIII)/Mondo Oowada (Dangan Ronpa)
P: Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)/Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb)
Q: Quistis Trepe (Final Fantasy VIII)/Quina Quen (Final Fantasy IX)
“Quina,” Quistis says, folding her arms on the desk in front of her. “We need to talk about your conduct in the field exam.”
Quina nods rapidly. “Conduct good.”
“Are you sure?” Quistis asks. “You must have noticed that you received no points in that part of your assessment.”
“I good!” Quina says, evidently indignant. “I not talk to anyone. Assessment wrong.”
“True,” Quistis says. “You were impeccable on the ‘no unnecessary chatter’ front. Can you not think of any other reason you might have been docked points?”
“Assessment wrong,” Quina repeats, firmly.
“At one point in your exam,” Quistis says, checking the mission report, “you and your team were crossing a railway bridge.”
“Yes. Crossed fast. Good conduct.”
“You were accosted by some enemy combatants. One cast Toad on one of your teammates.”
“Yes,” Quina says. “Good spell.”
“SeeD guidelines say that, in such a situation, you should use a Maiden’s Kiss if there are no more pressing injuries.”
“Guidelines only. Use own judgement.”
“You ate him.”
“Rules say no can talk,” Quina says. “Rules not say no can eat delicious frog man.”
“An oversight,” Quistis concedes. “I’m sure it’ll be addressed before long.”
R: Rinoa Heartilly (Final Fantasy VIII)/Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon a Time)
S: Sayaka Miki (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)/Sayaka Maizono (Dangan Ronpa)
“What did you wish for?”
“What do you think?”
Sayaka nods. “The pop star thing, right?” She hesitates. “Do you think it was worth it?”
Maizono smiles a little, looking up into the clouds. “I know it’s the best thing that’s happened in my life.” Sayaka thinks she sees the smile waver. Maybe she’s just projecting. “And I know I’d give anything not to lose it.”
It’s not a straight answer. Sayaka doesn’t push it.
“What about you?” Maizono asks. “Was yours worth it?”
Sayaka looks away. “I don’t know.” She thinks of Kyousuke and feels sick at the twist of anger in her stomach. She doesn’t have the right to hate him. He never asked her to do this. “It has to be.”
T: Byakuya Togami (Dangan Ronpa)/Takuto Kira (Full Moon wo Sagashite)
U: Utena Tenjou (Revolutionary Girl Utena)/Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter)
V: Snow Villiers (Final Fantasy XIII)/Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII) and Snow Villiers (Final Fantasy XIII)/Karkat Vantas (Homestuck)
W: Dean Winchester (Supernatural)/Bigby Wolf (The Wolf Among Us)
X: Charles Xavier (X-Men: First Class)/Xion (Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days)
Y: Yoshiya 'Joshua' Kiryu (The World Ends With You)/Light Yagami (Death Note)
Z: Zell Dincht (Final Fantasy VIII)/Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
“Remember your stance,” Squall says.
Airbending came naturally to the Avatar Rinoa, Zell’s been told; she was born a waterbender, but she grew up using both elements. Earthbending’s been more of a challenge, apparently, but she’s starting to get the hang of it.
“You can’t just take the stance whenever you feel like it. You have to root yourself to the earth every time you want to use its power.”
Mostly.
Something about watching is making Zell feel expendable. He can’t bend any elements. Yeah, he does what he can to protect Rinoa, but she doesn’t need him the way she needs Squall to teach her earthbending. The way she needs Seifer to teach her firebending. Only she doesn’t have Seifer, because the asshole left.
Zell waves to get their attention. “Yo, I’m gonna check out the area.”
Rinoa gives him a quick thumbs-up. “Have fun! I’m gonna try to have this form down by the time you get back.”
Squall’s expression makes it clear that he isn’t optimistic about the prospect, but he doesn’t say anything about it. “Don’t be too long.”
Zell nods and walks off into the trees.
He should’ve been a firebender. That way he’d actually be some use. He grew up in the Fire Nation; he spent ages learning firebending moves. When he fights with his hands and feet, he’s fighting like a firebender. Just... without the fire.
He’s so in his own head that he doesn’t realise there’s someone else around until he practically walks into them.
“Aaaaah! Crap! Zuko?”
Great! Awesome! This guy! Zuko hasn’t shown up in a while, and Zell was starting to hope maybe he’d given up, maybe he was going to leave them alone at last. Apparently not.
“Hello,” Zuko says, raising a hand awkwardly. “Uh. Zuko here.”
FINISHED AT LAST. This has been an enjoyable exercise, even though it took much, much longer than planned.
Why do I have so many fandoms? Nobody needs this many fandoms.
Recent followers will not be aware of how these alphabet ficsnippets have plagued me for the last half-decade. In 2010, I wrote twenty-six little snippets of fanfiction: the first contained one character whose name started with A and one whose name started with B, the second a B and a C, and so on (A to M, N to Z). It was fun! It was relatively quick! It seemed like a good idea to attempt it again, this time with characters that shared an initial!
It has taken a thousand years. I said in the second instalment, back in 2013, that I probably wouldn't be finished until 2015. It was supposed to be a humorous exaggeration.
But here we are at last! If any of the previous character combinations listed strike your fancy, here are links to the other instalments.
First Edition: A, L, M, O, P, X
Obscure Japanese Fandom Edition: D, I, K, R, T, U
'Four Letters? This Took You a Year?' Edition: E, F, H, J(x2)
Disproportionately Dudes Edition: C, N, V(x2), W, Y
A: Blaine Anderson (Glee)/fal'Cie Anima (Final Fantasy XIII)
B: Ffamran ‘Balthier’ Bunansa (Final Fantasy XII)/Joffrey Baratheon (A Song of Ice and Fire)
“You’re the smugglers?” Joffrey demands.
“So we’ve been told,” Balthier says. “It’s an honour to meet you, Your Grace.”
“Sansa was mine. You had no right to take her.”
“Was she? No doubt your lovely Tyrell bride-to-be will be curious to hear that. And I seem to recall the Lady Sansa was also married elsewhere. To your uncle, wasn’t it?”
“He’d have to let me have her if I told him. I’m the king. Nobody keeps me from having what I want.”
“Nobody but smugglers, it seems,” Balthier remarks.
“Your Grace must have suffered,” Fran says, dry as desert air. “To lose your plaything, never before deprived.”
“But she asked so politely for us to kidnap her,” Balthier says. “How could any man refuse?”
“I want them dead,” Joffrey snarls.
“One of us knows where the lady was taken,” Fran says. “You have no interest in that?”
Balthier is grateful for her quick thinking. They both know where Lady Sansa is, of course: travelling with Queen Ashe, under Basch’s protection. If Joffrey doesn’t know which of them holds the answer, they just might both stay alive until Ashe seizes the throne that is rightfully hers.
“It would be wisest to keep them alive,” Queen Cersei advises the king. “Lady Sansa is still our strongest bargaining piece for your uncle Jaime.”
Joffrey sets his jaw. “I don’t care. They stole from me. I want them dead.”
“You are going to care,” Cersei says, sharply, and Joffrey looks at her with an expression of outraged shock; he is evidently unused to being told ‘no’ by his mother. “Kill them if you like. But not until either Sansa or Jaime is restored to us.”
-
“You two,” a voice calls as Balthier and Fran are being led along in chains, and Balthier looks over his shoulder. If he had to make an educated guess, he’d say the man approaching was Tyrion Lannister, the young king’s other maternal uncle. The one the bards tend not to sing about.
“Lord Tyrion,” Balthier greets him. “My, we are meeting some famous faces today. We’ve just come from an audience with your charming nephew.”
“Is that so? I thought Tommen was still away.”
“What can Fran and I do for you?” Given that they ran off with the man’s wife, he can’t imagine that Tyrion’s intentions are terribly friendly.
Tyrion seems to hesitate. “Is Sansa Stark safe?”
“You call her by her maiden name,” Balthier observes.
Tyrion gives him an odd, tight smile. “I suppose she never really left it behind. Is she safe? Is she well?”
“She’s in good hands,” Balthier says. “I’m sure you’ll understand if I’m reluctant to give more detail.”
“No need,” Tyrion says. “That’s all I had to know. Thank you.”
C: Cloud Strife (Final Fantasy VII)/Cissnei (Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII)
D: Daisuke Niwa (DN Angel)/Duck (Princess Tutu)
E: Elena Fisher (Uncharted)/Eugene Fitzherbert (Tangled)
F: Lightning Farron (Final Fantasy XIII)/Ffamran ‘Balthier’ Bunansa (Final Fantasy XII)
G: Greg House (House MD)/Will Graham (Hannibal)
“Uh,” Chase says.
“What?” House asks. “If you have an idea, let’s hear it.”
Chase hesitates. “You’ll laugh at me.”
“All the more reason we should hear it. You do realise I hired you for your comedy value, right? God knows I could’ve done better if I’d been looking for a doctor.”
“I’m not going to say it.”
“Say it or you’re fired.”
Chase taps his pen rapidly against his leg. “It almost looks like... kuru.”
There’s a pause.
“I’m so glad I took this case,” House says.
-
“So,” House says, striding into the patient’s room. “We ask you about times you’ve been overseas, and, in your extremely long and boring list, you neglect to mention your little trip to Papua New Guinea.”
“I have not been to Papua New Guinea,” Dr Lecter says.
“Sure you have,” House says. “Probably the Okapa District, specifically. Where you took part in a ritual called... what was it, again? It’s a pretty complicated, technical name. Oh, yeah: eating the dead.”
“You’re mistaken.”
“You probably didn’t know it was human,” House concedes, even though that makes this whole thing less fun. “I’m guessing the language barrier made it tough to ask what meat you were having when one of the locals served you a big, juicy slice of Granddad.”
Dr Lecter looks evenly back at him. “One of my patients came to this country from Papua New Guinea. She went missing some time ago, as a matter of fact. Perhaps she fell prey to this disease you think I have.”
“Nice try,” House says. “You’re not going to catch kuru from a therapy session. So, unless you’re in the habit of eating your patients-”
-
“Dr Lecter was a patient in the hospital where the murder took place,” Jack says, leading the way to the crime scene. “He may be able to help with the investigation.”
Will frowns. The overlap between his work and his therapy seems to be growing steadily larger and larger, and something about it makes him uneasy.
H: Hajime Hinata (Super Dangan Ronpa 2)/Haruka Nanase (Free!)
I: Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)/Hanako Ikezawa (Katawa Shoujo)
J: John Marston (Red Dead Redemption)/Patrick Jane (The Mentalist) and Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)/Jeff Winger (Community)
K: Kyouko Kirigiri (Dangan Ronpa)/Sazh Katzroy (Final Fantasy XIII)
L: Teresa Lisbon (The Mentalist)/Light Yagami (Death Note)
M: Fa Mulan (Mulan)/Bonnie MacFarlane (Red Dead Redemption)
N: Makoto Naegi (Dangan Ronpa)/Nagito Komaeda (Super Dangan Ronpa 2)
O: Oerba Yun Fang (Final Fantasy XIII)/Mondo Oowada (Dangan Ronpa)
P: Patrick Jane (The Mentalist)/Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb)
Q: Quistis Trepe (Final Fantasy VIII)/Quina Quen (Final Fantasy IX)
“Quina,” Quistis says, folding her arms on the desk in front of her. “We need to talk about your conduct in the field exam.”
Quina nods rapidly. “Conduct good.”
“Are you sure?” Quistis asks. “You must have noticed that you received no points in that part of your assessment.”
“I good!” Quina says, evidently indignant. “I not talk to anyone. Assessment wrong.”
“True,” Quistis says. “You were impeccable on the ‘no unnecessary chatter’ front. Can you not think of any other reason you might have been docked points?”
“Assessment wrong,” Quina repeats, firmly.
“At one point in your exam,” Quistis says, checking the mission report, “you and your team were crossing a railway bridge.”
“Yes. Crossed fast. Good conduct.”
“You were accosted by some enemy combatants. One cast Toad on one of your teammates.”
“Yes,” Quina says. “Good spell.”
“SeeD guidelines say that, in such a situation, you should use a Maiden’s Kiss if there are no more pressing injuries.”
“Guidelines only. Use own judgement.”
“You ate him.”
“Rules say no can talk,” Quina says. “Rules not say no can eat delicious frog man.”
“An oversight,” Quistis concedes. “I’m sure it’ll be addressed before long.”
R: Rinoa Heartilly (Final Fantasy VIII)/Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon a Time)
S: Sayaka Miki (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)/Sayaka Maizono (Dangan Ronpa)
“What did you wish for?”
“What do you think?”
Sayaka nods. “The pop star thing, right?” She hesitates. “Do you think it was worth it?”
Maizono smiles a little, looking up into the clouds. “I know it’s the best thing that’s happened in my life.” Sayaka thinks she sees the smile waver. Maybe she’s just projecting. “And I know I’d give anything not to lose it.”
It’s not a straight answer. Sayaka doesn’t push it.
“What about you?” Maizono asks. “Was yours worth it?”
Sayaka looks away. “I don’t know.” She thinks of Kyousuke and feels sick at the twist of anger in her stomach. She doesn’t have the right to hate him. He never asked her to do this. “It has to be.”
T: Byakuya Togami (Dangan Ronpa)/Takuto Kira (Full Moon wo Sagashite)
U: Utena Tenjou (Revolutionary Girl Utena)/Dolores Umbridge (Harry Potter)
V: Snow Villiers (Final Fantasy XIII)/Vincent Valentine (Final Fantasy VII) and Snow Villiers (Final Fantasy XIII)/Karkat Vantas (Homestuck)
W: Dean Winchester (Supernatural)/Bigby Wolf (The Wolf Among Us)
X: Charles Xavier (X-Men: First Class)/Xion (Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days)
Y: Yoshiya 'Joshua' Kiryu (The World Ends With You)/Light Yagami (Death Note)
Z: Zell Dincht (Final Fantasy VIII)/Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
“Remember your stance,” Squall says.
Airbending came naturally to the Avatar Rinoa, Zell’s been told; she was born a waterbender, but she grew up using both elements. Earthbending’s been more of a challenge, apparently, but she’s starting to get the hang of it.
“You can’t just take the stance whenever you feel like it. You have to root yourself to the earth every time you want to use its power.”
Mostly.
Something about watching is making Zell feel expendable. He can’t bend any elements. Yeah, he does what he can to protect Rinoa, but she doesn’t need him the way she needs Squall to teach her earthbending. The way she needs Seifer to teach her firebending. Only she doesn’t have Seifer, because the asshole left.
Zell waves to get their attention. “Yo, I’m gonna check out the area.”
Rinoa gives him a quick thumbs-up. “Have fun! I’m gonna try to have this form down by the time you get back.”
Squall’s expression makes it clear that he isn’t optimistic about the prospect, but he doesn’t say anything about it. “Don’t be too long.”
Zell nods and walks off into the trees.
He should’ve been a firebender. That way he’d actually be some use. He grew up in the Fire Nation; he spent ages learning firebending moves. When he fights with his hands and feet, he’s fighting like a firebender. Just... without the fire.
He’s so in his own head that he doesn’t realise there’s someone else around until he practically walks into them.
“Aaaaah! Crap! Zuko?”
Great! Awesome! This guy! Zuko hasn’t shown up in a while, and Zell was starting to hope maybe he’d given up, maybe he was going to leave them alone at last. Apparently not.
“Hello,” Zuko says, raising a hand awkwardly. “Uh. Zuko here.”
FINISHED AT LAST. This has been an enjoyable exercise, even though it took much, much longer than planned.
Why do I have so many fandoms? Nobody needs this many fandoms.