And She Had A Fiery Sword That She Couldn't Put Down.
IT IS TIME TO SHARE EMBARRASSING OLD FANFICTION. I shall start us off by quoting a few paragraphs from the Final Fantasy X self-insertion I wrote a few chapters of between the ages of thirteen and fourteen. Please join in by sharing your own shame-inducing fanfiction in the comments, because otherwise I'm just going to hide in a corner for ever.
THE STORY SO FAR: Riona, who has an embarrassingly large crush on Tidus (ACTUAL QUOTE: She hit the ‘New Game’ button, and watched as the opening scene played out. She grinned to herself at the close-up of Tidus on the cliff. Wow, he was a bishounen (bolding of appalling fangirl Japanese-use mine)), has just woken up in Zanarkand at the beginning of Final Fantasy X, having been ~mysteriously transported~ into the game. Her reaction to this is essentially 'I've been sucked into the videogame I was playing? How peculiar. OH MAN I'D BETTER WARN DREAMY TIDUS ABOUT SIN.' (Come to think of it, I never did learn to write realistic reactions to clearly absurd events. But I like to think I'm at least a little better than 'Huh, I'm in Zanarkand. Wonder how that happened. Well, as I'm here, better go and warn a fictional character about the upcoming fictional disaster.')
Below the cut, you may see Riona's exceedingly smooth attempt at telling Tidus what is about to happen. I have made no changes to it, much though I'd like to.
There he was, signing some kid’s Blitzball. I skidded to a halt in front of him. “Tidus! Zanarkand, it...”
“Huh?” he asked, handing the Blitzball back to the kid and turning to face me.
“I...” I paused, confused. “I can’t remember anything...”
He looked at me, concerned. “You okay?”
“Uh...” I mumbled, “I think so. I’m sure there was something important I had to tell you...”
Tidus grinned, and I almost melted. He was so cute... “Can’t have been more important than the Blitzball game, could it?”
“No,” I admitted. “I guess not. Name’s Riona, and...” I paused. I had a dim feeling that I shouldn’t go telling people about my real-life. All I could remember about the game was Tidus’ name, the crush I had on him, and Blitzball. And the fact that everyone seemed to be able to breathe underwater.
Could I breathe underwater? Spotting a fountain, I ran to it and rammed my head under the water, forcing myself - though my mind resisted fiercely - to breathe in. It was fine - just like air, in fact. I smiled to myself and pulled my head out. Turning around, I saw Tidus looking like he was trying not to laugh.
“Riona, huh? Nice to meet ya.” I felt myself blushing - in the middle of speaking to my hero, I’d gone and shoved my head in a fountain. Not the smartest-looking thing to do. I started stuttering.
“Uh... sorry. I, erm, needed to cool down. Can I... erm...” I picked up a stray Blitzball. “Can I have your autograph?” I blurted.
Tidus took the ball and signed it, still shaking with silent laughter. He handed it back, then grinned at everyone there. “Okay, I’ve gotta go now. Cheer for me!” He began running down the path, and one firm idea popped spontaneously into my head: follow him.
SMOOTH. What worries me is that I can actually see myself behaving like this today.
(This is by no means the worst thing in my fanfiction folder - it's not even the worst part of this fic; later on you'll find the line 'Agony beyond anything I have ever felt!' used completely seriously, exclamation mark and all - but it's the worst I can actually bring myself to show you. WHY THE CRUSH ON TIDUS, SERIOUSLY.)
THE STORY SO FAR: Riona, who has an embarrassingly large crush on Tidus (ACTUAL QUOTE: She hit the ‘New Game’ button, and watched as the opening scene played out. She grinned to herself at the close-up of Tidus on the cliff. Wow, he was a bishounen (bolding of appalling fangirl Japanese-use mine)), has just woken up in Zanarkand at the beginning of Final Fantasy X, having been ~mysteriously transported~ into the game. Her reaction to this is essentially 'I've been sucked into the videogame I was playing? How peculiar. OH MAN I'D BETTER WARN DREAMY TIDUS ABOUT SIN.' (Come to think of it, I never did learn to write realistic reactions to clearly absurd events. But I like to think I'm at least a little better than 'Huh, I'm in Zanarkand. Wonder how that happened. Well, as I'm here, better go and warn a fictional character about the upcoming fictional disaster.')
Below the cut, you may see Riona's exceedingly smooth attempt at telling Tidus what is about to happen. I have made no changes to it, much though I'd like to.
There he was, signing some kid’s Blitzball. I skidded to a halt in front of him. “Tidus! Zanarkand, it...”
“Huh?” he asked, handing the Blitzball back to the kid and turning to face me.
“I...” I paused, confused. “I can’t remember anything...”
He looked at me, concerned. “You okay?”
“Uh...” I mumbled, “I think so. I’m sure there was something important I had to tell you...”
Tidus grinned, and I almost melted. He was so cute... “Can’t have been more important than the Blitzball game, could it?”
“No,” I admitted. “I guess not. Name’s Riona, and...” I paused. I had a dim feeling that I shouldn’t go telling people about my real-life. All I could remember about the game was Tidus’ name, the crush I had on him, and Blitzball. And the fact that everyone seemed to be able to breathe underwater.
Could I breathe underwater? Spotting a fountain, I ran to it and rammed my head under the water, forcing myself - though my mind resisted fiercely - to breathe in. It was fine - just like air, in fact. I smiled to myself and pulled my head out. Turning around, I saw Tidus looking like he was trying not to laugh.
“Riona, huh? Nice to meet ya.” I felt myself blushing - in the middle of speaking to my hero, I’d gone and shoved my head in a fountain. Not the smartest-looking thing to do. I started stuttering.
“Uh... sorry. I, erm, needed to cool down. Can I... erm...” I picked up a stray Blitzball. “Can I have your autograph?” I blurted.
Tidus took the ball and signed it, still shaking with silent laughter. He handed it back, then grinned at everyone there. “Okay, I’ve gotta go now. Cheer for me!” He began running down the path, and one firm idea popped spontaneously into my head: follow him.
SMOOTH. What worries me is that I can actually see myself behaving like this today.
(This is by no means the worst thing in my fanfiction folder - it's not even the worst part of this fic; later on you'll find the line 'Agony beyond anything I have ever felt!' used completely seriously, exclamation mark and all - but it's the worst I can actually bring myself to show you. WHY THE CRUSH ON TIDUS, SERIOUSLY.)