(no subject)
When im next to tim, and he holds me and talks to me and kisses me, i feel warmth and love.
But when hes not right next to me, instill feel like he doesbt actually love Me, he just loves 'girlfriend'.
I keep noticing him dislike or attempt to correct core pieces of my person.
He scolds me for being affectionate, or generous, or friendly, or... If im overwhelmed or upset or in pain, he yells at me foe crying (which is literally the most unproductive thing to do when soneone is upset)
He constantly says 'no need to' or 'dont bother' to positive things, things that i like to do or want to do.
I feel back and forth content and happy, flipping to alone and unhappy.
The worst part is, i dont know how much he cares.
When i was with k, or a longer time ago with joe, i would try sometimes to say something very serious, try to communicate "hey. I need something to change, or improve!", and theyd both treat me like i was kidding. I dont want tim to do this.
I dont want tim to ignore me the same way kyle did. I dont want tim to get angry at me for asking about feelings like kyle did.
I dont want tim to make me feel alone like joe did.
I want tim to be patient and fluid and my other half.
He is not a parent, hes never going to 'fix' me or teach me or correct me into a different person.
I dont want to turn into my parents.
My dad is distant off in his own littlw world, and my mom is emotionally alone, so she fills the empty space with stuff.
When tims actions make me sad or depressed, i want to be around other people, or eat, or buy things to cheer up.
Im tired of feeling back and forth...
Why doesnt he just love me the way i am?