(no subject)
My insomnia is still bad, but I'm still able to get sleep in snatches. But I still have the problem of sleeping late (at least past 2am) and waking early (at 6am) with the rest of the household.
Earlier today, I napped a while. It was less than an hour, but it was enough for me to have a proper nightmare. I dreamt I'd just given birth, but somehow I didn't realise it until Rick came to visit me in hospital. Then it dawned on me that I had given birth the day before, but hadn't even seen the baby yet. Then I saw Rick have something like a nosebleed -- at least, I said it was -- but the blood seemed to be dripping down the sides of the face. But he cleaned up and didn't seem worried at all.
Then I asked to see the baby. Rick said it was at home, and along the lines that it wasn't his, but some other guy's baby. And because of that, he'd left it at home all alone. And I remembered getting agitated, thinking it was screaming and crying alone at home, so I asked him if he fed it. And he said he hadn't, and in fact he couldn't find the milk powder and so the baby had been unfed ever since its birth. I panicked and ran to every doctor I could find, asking for an early discharge, and they refused. Finally one of them relented when I'd explained the situation, but I had to write "Life or Death" on the form and put a tick next to it. When I looked up, that doctor was gone, and I couldn't find him any where. So I started screaming at the rest of them that if my baby died of starvation I would hold all of them responsible, but they wouldn't care and would just give the same old standard responses...
And then I woke up with no ending to that damn dream. I was a bit shaken by it because I'd been so desperate in it and Rick had been so cold and uncaring. I have no idea what this means. Maybe I've been hearing too much of others expecting...