(no subject)
so no regrets right? ok ya i can do that i can i swear i think i can at least ya i can do that no matter what it is my senior year. i have been saying that i want to start living my life well its happening right now, start living it dammit.
so my computer saved that for some reason. the thing about no regrets. i think its so interesting looking at what i have written on this thing. it seems to be that i go through the same things over and over again and dont realize or learn from my mistakes. well i know i am loved and i dont have regrets because i know i fuck up alot but well thats life you have to fuck up to actually live your life. isnt that funny the thing that i hate doing is essential to living. well how am i special everyone hates fucking up. i am no different. i am sad that i have hurt people that i have done things that have not only hurt myself but others as well. but if i hadnt done those then i wouldnt have realized some really importent shit. like that i really do need to start loving myself, or that if i hadnt broken up with taylor then i wouldnt have realized how much i still do like him. that my family will always love me and so much more. i want to tell everyone that i am so happy that they are in my lives, but i dont know how. i wish i could wear a sign on my shirt saying THANK YOU!! on it but that still wouldnt reach all the people that have touched my life in such a positive way. i am scared to say what i feel. i am scared that i will be judged or that i will look like an idiot. but i need to start telling poeple how i feel or i will not be able to get what i want. i want taylor back. i want him to see that it was my fault but that i am sorry and that i still like him and miss him. i want him to hug me again and just be there. i find this all ironic that i am realizing all of this the day before my last day of high school. i am scared to do anything that will have a huge change on my life. change scares the fuck out of me. i want to not be scared of judgement anymore. i sometimes wish that i could be the perosn that i pretend to be. i want to really be that pretender. she is so happy and crazy. lol i dont know any longer i just want to have everything work out. i want it to be summer and i want taylor back. why cant i admit that? why cant i just tell him that i miss him. why does it seem like things are ten times harder for me to do then anyone else. i dont have a horrible life, i have a good family so why do i have to deal with my stupid issues, they seem selfish and made up. i think thats what i hate the most i over dramtize things, why? i dont like it when it happens. i dont know anymore
but in the end i know that i am moving on and i am making a change i am moving away from this place. i am starting again. what will happen i have no fucking idea and that scares the shit out of me, but that is the future. what is the future? the future is tomorrow so dont worry about it today.
so my computer saved that for some reason. the thing about no regrets. i think its so interesting looking at what i have written on this thing. it seems to be that i go through the same things over and over again and dont realize or learn from my mistakes. well i know i am loved and i dont have regrets because i know i fuck up alot but well thats life you have to fuck up to actually live your life. isnt that funny the thing that i hate doing is essential to living. well how am i special everyone hates fucking up. i am no different. i am sad that i have hurt people that i have done things that have not only hurt myself but others as well. but if i hadnt done those then i wouldnt have realized some really importent shit. like that i really do need to start loving myself, or that if i hadnt broken up with taylor then i wouldnt have realized how much i still do like him. that my family will always love me and so much more. i want to tell everyone that i am so happy that they are in my lives, but i dont know how. i wish i could wear a sign on my shirt saying THANK YOU!! on it but that still wouldnt reach all the people that have touched my life in such a positive way. i am scared to say what i feel. i am scared that i will be judged or that i will look like an idiot. but i need to start telling poeple how i feel or i will not be able to get what i want. i want taylor back. i want him to see that it was my fault but that i am sorry and that i still like him and miss him. i want him to hug me again and just be there. i find this all ironic that i am realizing all of this the day before my last day of high school. i am scared to do anything that will have a huge change on my life. change scares the fuck out of me. i want to not be scared of judgement anymore. i sometimes wish that i could be the perosn that i pretend to be. i want to really be that pretender. she is so happy and crazy. lol i dont know any longer i just want to have everything work out. i want it to be summer and i want taylor back. why cant i admit that? why cant i just tell him that i miss him. why does it seem like things are ten times harder for me to do then anyone else. i dont have a horrible life, i have a good family so why do i have to deal with my stupid issues, they seem selfish and made up. i think thats what i hate the most i over dramtize things, why? i dont like it when it happens. i dont know anymore
but in the end i know that i am moving on and i am making a change i am moving away from this place. i am starting again. what will happen i have no fucking idea and that scares the shit out of me, but that is the future. what is the future? the future is tomorrow so dont worry about it today.