Late Nights Coupled With Insomnia
Ha. Just kidding. You didn't think I'd let you off that easy, did you?
I'm so tired, yet lately I can't seem to sleep.
I guess this can be blamed on the stress of having to move back. I can't imagine what I'm stressed about. Most of my stuff is in storage up there, so all I'm left with is clothes. I suppose the task still looms over my head like an ill beacon of fate, and I just want it over with.
I honestly can't wait to be back at school. I miss my friends, and I miss the classes even. Alas, I will never be happy; as soon as I return I'll miss the people I have left here. The grass is always greener... I wish you people would just cooridinate and all live in the same place. Or invest in two houses. But who can do that with the economy the way it is? If you can, then you are a traitor.
I suppose other things plague my mind... I've come to the realization lately that I just can't allow myself to be happy in relationships. I don't know if I've just been so jaded in the past that now it's impossible for me to function properly, or if everyone is like this. For some reason I want everything to be a fight. I expect it to be so difficult. I have to ask questions and prod at it, and that's all wrong. It's so much simpler. It's like math for me; I can solve the most atrocious problem, and you give me something simple, say probability, and I can't wrap my mind around it. It just doesn't make sense, and I really need things to make sense. I'm on the verge of a decision, and I want to be certain, I want to be better... I CAN be better I spose, but I can't be certain.
Damn being imperfect. My parents were always living in fear that I would kill myself at realizing I couldn't reach the perfection I sought. Maybe they had a point.
I'm really not unhappy. I'm rather happy in general, but I can't reach my full potential of happiness.
I read some old messages in my myspace inbox. There were so many little notes, long addresses, and explanations. Why should people have to explain to me? The little notes I appreciate... but I warranted the explanations. I spose some were deserved on my part, others not so much.
I just wish I could escape my head. It won't let me rest.
I am somewhat reassured by my messages. I was disheartened by one, not understanding how it got to that point either. If you still read anything write, I am sorry. That was all so petty. I really longed for that friendship for the past two days, so I hope you're alright and it's not some premonition. I wish it could be mended, but I think it is past that point and I'm sorry. It just got out of hand.
My God, I wish I could sleep.
Alas, Fate won't have it.
Good morning, readers. I've missed you.
I'm so tired, yet lately I can't seem to sleep.
I guess this can be blamed on the stress of having to move back. I can't imagine what I'm stressed about. Most of my stuff is in storage up there, so all I'm left with is clothes. I suppose the task still looms over my head like an ill beacon of fate, and I just want it over with.
I honestly can't wait to be back at school. I miss my friends, and I miss the classes even. Alas, I will never be happy; as soon as I return I'll miss the people I have left here. The grass is always greener... I wish you people would just cooridinate and all live in the same place. Or invest in two houses. But who can do that with the economy the way it is? If you can, then you are a traitor.
I suppose other things plague my mind... I've come to the realization lately that I just can't allow myself to be happy in relationships. I don't know if I've just been so jaded in the past that now it's impossible for me to function properly, or if everyone is like this. For some reason I want everything to be a fight. I expect it to be so difficult. I have to ask questions and prod at it, and that's all wrong. It's so much simpler. It's like math for me; I can solve the most atrocious problem, and you give me something simple, say probability, and I can't wrap my mind around it. It just doesn't make sense, and I really need things to make sense. I'm on the verge of a decision, and I want to be certain, I want to be better... I CAN be better I spose, but I can't be certain.
Damn being imperfect. My parents were always living in fear that I would kill myself at realizing I couldn't reach the perfection I sought. Maybe they had a point.
I'm really not unhappy. I'm rather happy in general, but I can't reach my full potential of happiness.
I read some old messages in my myspace inbox. There were so many little notes, long addresses, and explanations. Why should people have to explain to me? The little notes I appreciate... but I warranted the explanations. I spose some were deserved on my part, others not so much.
I just wish I could escape my head. It won't let me rest.
I am somewhat reassured by my messages. I was disheartened by one, not understanding how it got to that point either. If you still read anything write, I am sorry. That was all so petty. I really longed for that friendship for the past two days, so I hope you're alright and it's not some premonition. I wish it could be mended, but I think it is past that point and I'm sorry. It just got out of hand.
My God, I wish I could sleep.
Alas, Fate won't have it.
Good morning, readers. I've missed you.