20 again...sort of
Dreams are a strange thing. I tend to wake from those erry, strange dreams that sometimes happen and have a hard time sleeping again. That happened tonight, so hear I sit to write. Tonight's dream involved being back in college with my roommates. Strange that I have had this dream before, basic concept was that the three of us were back in our apartment....but this time we were all in our 40's but trying to act like we were in our 20's again! I have had this dream before. And I wonder why my sub-conciseness congers up this dream every few months or so? I think it has alot to do with my "coming of age" so to speak. I wont say that I was a geek or nerd prior to college but I think I came into my "own shell" while I was there and became comfortable with who I was. I think college does that to everyone to a great degree but to me alot more. Prior to college, I was part of a click of guys that were the "cool kids" but it was more by circumstance then actually being cool. I think my personality was my ticket into the group. I was not the star athlete or the best looking guy or by really any standard the best at anything but my personality would always get me in....I was the life of the party. In college, EVERYONE was the life of the party. So I had to really explore me. My roommates developed a very close bond but my one roommate Bill was a like a brother. There was not much that we did not do together. We developed a very strange study habit that, to this day, I still think about. We would pile into a bed with our books, a pizza, and study and talk...usually in our boxer shorts only. Bill taught me to be very comfortable in my skin. Very often the subject would turn to sex and that would cause a typical physical reaction to occur....a hard on! We had no problems with showing each other these things in a very innocent way. Nothing ever happened and I dont think either of us were looking for anything to happen sexually. It was all innocent but it really allowed me to realize that I was much more then my personality....I was a young man and discovering someone else that way was very cool. We discussed our courses of study, college life, home life, girlfriends and just about anything else that was on our minds during those nights. I think he was equally exploring who he was too. I find it interesting that we were soo amazingly comfortable with each other that nothing sexual ever occured but we touched each other many times. I wish we could be that open and honest with our best friends now. But today, I think we would just be called perverts. I see Bill every few years now and then and it never fails, we are two college kids again acting like we did not have a care in the world. I guess when I analyze the dream a little more, maybe my psychy is wanting to find that again.