will you defeat them, your demons, and all the non-believers
So I went and bought two CDs at Target and came home only to buy two more at Amazon. Who can say how my mind works? By the way, the CDs are The Black Parade - My Chemical Romance, Back to Bedlam - James Blunt (I also got the Monkey on my Shoulder EP), Everything in Transit - Jack's Mannequin, and Begin to Hope - Regina Spektor.
So I feel like I am in control of my life. It's been a while since I felt that way. It makes me a little sad that I was so out of it for so long. I think I finally have a grip on things. Maybe breaking up was a catalyst for that, maybe it was just time to wake up. But I have a secure job, good friends and a decent family. I have a place to sleep, clothes to wear and food to eat. My life isn't half bad at all.
I'm looking into buying a house. Not sure how that will turn out seeing I'm not very rich (read: I have $5 in my checking account). But I found a nice fixer-upper in Rockland that I have my eye on. I'm taking my grandmother to have a look-see later today (Tuesday). I'm excited.
Also, starting in December, I am going to start making car payments on the Camry. Things may be a little tight money-wise but I can go without coffee and CDs and the other things I buy because I can, not because I have to. The budget looks sound enough on paper. We'll see how it pans out.
Besides the fact that a house is a fairly sound investment. Buy a crappy looking house, make it look better, charge more money, get a good return. The important things are the things you can't change. Location, structure, that kind of thing. You can always change the wall paper.
And this is something my mother approves of. It feels like it's been a while since she really approved of me. I think I let her down with college and all that. But that wasn't my niche. I'm not saying I've found it yet but I think I'm getting closer.
D:
Going to sleep used to feel amazing. I don't like it anymore. I lay in bed and think. I think about how empty my bed feels, how I wish someone was curled around me. I have that lonely, unsafe feeling. I mean, I know I'm safe. Or at least as safe as I can be. But it's that cozy, blankety feeling. The one that makes your insides feel like warm, fuzzy Jello.
I miss it.
But for now, I'm better off without.
I don't want to get dunked. (i.e. I don't want to have a rebound)
That's okay, right?
P.S. I know this is a lot of stuff. I'm sorry if you read it all. I'm sure it won't mean much in six months.
So I feel like I am in control of my life. It's been a while since I felt that way. It makes me a little sad that I was so out of it for so long. I think I finally have a grip on things. Maybe breaking up was a catalyst for that, maybe it was just time to wake up. But I have a secure job, good friends and a decent family. I have a place to sleep, clothes to wear and food to eat. My life isn't half bad at all.
I'm looking into buying a house. Not sure how that will turn out seeing I'm not very rich (read: I have $5 in my checking account). But I found a nice fixer-upper in Rockland that I have my eye on. I'm taking my grandmother to have a look-see later today (Tuesday). I'm excited.
Also, starting in December, I am going to start making car payments on the Camry. Things may be a little tight money-wise but I can go without coffee and CDs and the other things I buy because I can, not because I have to. The budget looks sound enough on paper. We'll see how it pans out.
Besides the fact that a house is a fairly sound investment. Buy a crappy looking house, make it look better, charge more money, get a good return. The important things are the things you can't change. Location, structure, that kind of thing. You can always change the wall paper.
And this is something my mother approves of. It feels like it's been a while since she really approved of me. I think I let her down with college and all that. But that wasn't my niche. I'm not saying I've found it yet but I think I'm getting closer.
D:
Going to sleep used to feel amazing. I don't like it anymore. I lay in bed and think. I think about how empty my bed feels, how I wish someone was curled around me. I have that lonely, unsafe feeling. I mean, I know I'm safe. Or at least as safe as I can be. But it's that cozy, blankety feeling. The one that makes your insides feel like warm, fuzzy Jello.
I miss it.
But for now, I'm better off without.
I don't want to get dunked. (i.e. I don't want to have a rebound)
That's okay, right?
P.S. I know this is a lot of stuff. I'm sorry if you read it all. I'm sure it won't mean much in six months.