I Couldn’t Say No
Title: I Couldn't Say No
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis - AU
Series: part of the Overs & Unders ‘verse
Characters/Pairing: Sheppard/Lorne
Rating: NC-17
Orientation: Slash
Word Count: 1,210
Prompt: Hurt Comfort Fill: Deprogramming
Postage Stamp: Sleepy/unconscious, Obedience, Double Penetration, Drugs/aphrodisiacs
Content Notes: Mention of prior rape, non con.
“John, I agreed to allow Evan to sit in on your sessions in the hope that you would talk more, not less,” Kate said in a disappointed tone, looking from John to Evan expectantly. “My permission was conditional. Please, share something with us about a time you didn’t feel comfortable, as Evan asked.”
John looked at Evan, “I... maybe this wasn’t a good idea. You’re going to be angry.”
“Not with you, John,” Evan reassured him.
“I let it all happen. I did everything he told me to do.”
Evan took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “What happened if you didn’t do what he said?”
“I was punished.”
“So you weren’t doing it to give him pleasure, or because he was giving you pleasure in return. You were doing it out of fear,” Kate said. “We’ve talked about motivation, John.”
Shrugging, John shifted closer to Evan. “He used to have people come over. Guys he hooked up with online, I think. When he was expecting strangers to come, he used to inject me with stuff.”
“He drugged you?” Evan asked.
“Yeah. I don’t know what it was he never told me what he was giving me. Usually it made me feel all loose and disconnected.” He shrugged. “I didn’t mind the drugs so much because when he drugged me, it dulled the pain. I didn’t feel most of what they did those times. It made me sleepy. Sometimes I passed out. That didn’t stop them from what they were doing, but I really didn’t feel anything until the next day.”
Evan’s arm moved around his shoulder and he pulled John closer, rubbing his arm and kissing his temple.
Making some notes on her pad, Kate leaned over the desk. “What kind of things did they do, John?”
“I’m not sure, I was unconscious.”
“You said sometimes you were unconscious, I’d like to know more about the times you do remember.”
“Kate,” Evan said quietly when John began to fidget.
John squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. Maybourne liked to watch these guys he brought in use me. He used to sit while they...” he gulped. “They would all... at the same time.”
“You were penetrated by multiple partners simultaneously?”
“Kate!” Evan hissed.
John, perhaps emboldened by Evan’s embarrassment on his behalf leaned forward and said with growing volume, “Yeah, two cocks in my ass, one shoved down my throat. They didn’t care if I could breath or not, or if it took a week for me to take a shit without bleeding. They came there to use me. Maybourne gave them permission to use me. He watched them when they did it and jerked off. Maybe they paid him for it. Maybe I was just a whore too.”
“And how did that...”
“Make me feel? It hurt, Kate. It fucking hurt! How would you like to wake up and feel yourself being split in half? Or feel your body being moved around like a blow up doll and used over and over and over?” He was standing now, shouting at Kate across the desk. Evan had never heard John’s voice at this decibel.
“I hated it. I hated every minute of it. I hated Maybourne and his games. I hated the men he brought in. I hated not being able to move because he overdosed me again, or knowing they were inside me when I was asleep! I hate thinking about it! I hate talking about it. I didn’t want it to happen and I don’t want to remember it!” He shrieked the last and picked up his chair and threw it across the room. He was panting by the time he finished, his nostrils flaring, his hands clenched tightly into fists at his side.
“John?” Evan said, standing up and moving close to his under. He didn’t touch him. “Hey, we’re done for today, buddy, you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
John blinked at him and looked around dazedly. He glared at Kate and then ran from the office.
“Evan!” Kate called as he followed John. “Wednesday at 1600.”
He stopped at the door and stared at her in disbelief.
“This is good. He’s angry, Evan. He’s angry for the first time. Go after him. Believe me, this is progress.”
John was curled on his side on the bed, a pillow over his head when Evan got to their room. He climbed up beside him, sitting with his back to the headboard. “I misbehaved again,” John mumbled from under the pillow.
“I would have, in your place. I’d never, ever share you with anyone John. You’re mine. I’m not into group sex, I wouldn’t ever put you in that position. I’d never have sex with you without your consent.”
“I know. You’re not him. I know that.”
“Come up here,” Evan patted John’s hip.
Rolling over, John peered up at him from under the pillow. “I think I want to punch something.”
“Do you? Well, come on then, I’ll take you down to the gym and you can hit the bag. Or we can put on the gloves and you can take a few swings at me.”
“I don’t want to punch you.” ohn pulled the pillow back down.
Evan slid off the bed, walked around to John’s side and reached for John’s arm, pulling at him. “Come on. Get up.”
“No.” John pulled his arm away.
“Are you being disobedient?”
“I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here.” He kicked his feet on the bed.
Smiling, Evan pushed at John until he rolled onto his back and pulled the pillow away. He leaned down and kissed John’s cheek. John turned his face aside. “Okay. We’ll stay here, since you refuse to go. I never thought I’d be happy to see an under have a temper tantrum.”
“I’m not having a tantrum.” John ripped the pillow out of Evan’s hands.
“Oh, no?” Evan grinned at him and John heaved the pillow in his face. He tossed it onto the bed. “We have another session Wednesday at 1600.”
John gritted his teeth and ground out, “I’m not going! I don’t want to talk to Kate anymore. I’m done with therapy.”
Patiently, Evan replied, “We’ll talk about it on Wednesday.”
The fight suddenly went out of John, he sagged and let out a strangled noise that might have been a sob. “I’m tired Evan. I’m so tired.”
“Roll over on your belly. I want to rub your back. Go on, flip.” When John did, he straddled John’s hips, pushed his t-shirt up and and dug his hands into the tight muscles, finding knots of tension everywhere.
“I’m sor...”
“Shh, shh, shh. No more talking. You did enough talking for today. Relax.”
He rubbed and massaged, working over John’s back until he felt him go completely limp and felt his breathing slow. Sliding off him, Evan stretched out on his side. He wasn’t going to sleep, not for a long time. Knowing what John had been through and hearing it from his mouth were two different things. He felt physically ill over what he knew now. Another session like today’s and Evan might need his own course of therapy in order to cope.
The EndOriginally posted at http://rinkafic.dreamwidth.org/
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis - AU
Series: part of the Overs & Unders ‘verse
Characters/Pairing: Sheppard/Lorne
Rating: NC-17
Orientation: Slash
Word Count: 1,210
Prompt: Hurt Comfort Fill: Deprogramming
Postage Stamp: Sleepy/unconscious, Obedience, Double Penetration, Drugs/aphrodisiacs
Content Notes: Mention of prior rape, non con.
“John, I agreed to allow Evan to sit in on your sessions in the hope that you would talk more, not less,” Kate said in a disappointed tone, looking from John to Evan expectantly. “My permission was conditional. Please, share something with us about a time you didn’t feel comfortable, as Evan asked.”
John looked at Evan, “I... maybe this wasn’t a good idea. You’re going to be angry.”
“Not with you, John,” Evan reassured him.
“I let it all happen. I did everything he told me to do.”
Evan took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “What happened if you didn’t do what he said?”
“I was punished.”
“So you weren’t doing it to give him pleasure, or because he was giving you pleasure in return. You were doing it out of fear,” Kate said. “We’ve talked about motivation, John.”
Shrugging, John shifted closer to Evan. “He used to have people come over. Guys he hooked up with online, I think. When he was expecting strangers to come, he used to inject me with stuff.”
“He drugged you?” Evan asked.
“Yeah. I don’t know what it was he never told me what he was giving me. Usually it made me feel all loose and disconnected.” He shrugged. “I didn’t mind the drugs so much because when he drugged me, it dulled the pain. I didn’t feel most of what they did those times. It made me sleepy. Sometimes I passed out. That didn’t stop them from what they were doing, but I really didn’t feel anything until the next day.”
Evan’s arm moved around his shoulder and he pulled John closer, rubbing his arm and kissing his temple.
Making some notes on her pad, Kate leaned over the desk. “What kind of things did they do, John?”
“I’m not sure, I was unconscious.”
“You said sometimes you were unconscious, I’d like to know more about the times you do remember.”
“Kate,” Evan said quietly when John began to fidget.
John squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. Maybourne liked to watch these guys he brought in use me. He used to sit while they...” he gulped. “They would all... at the same time.”
“You were penetrated by multiple partners simultaneously?”
“Kate!” Evan hissed.
John, perhaps emboldened by Evan’s embarrassment on his behalf leaned forward and said with growing volume, “Yeah, two cocks in my ass, one shoved down my throat. They didn’t care if I could breath or not, or if it took a week for me to take a shit without bleeding. They came there to use me. Maybourne gave them permission to use me. He watched them when they did it and jerked off. Maybe they paid him for it. Maybe I was just a whore too.”
“And how did that...”
“Make me feel? It hurt, Kate. It fucking hurt! How would you like to wake up and feel yourself being split in half? Or feel your body being moved around like a blow up doll and used over and over and over?” He was standing now, shouting at Kate across the desk. Evan had never heard John’s voice at this decibel.
“I hated it. I hated every minute of it. I hated Maybourne and his games. I hated the men he brought in. I hated not being able to move because he overdosed me again, or knowing they were inside me when I was asleep! I hate thinking about it! I hate talking about it. I didn’t want it to happen and I don’t want to remember it!” He shrieked the last and picked up his chair and threw it across the room. He was panting by the time he finished, his nostrils flaring, his hands clenched tightly into fists at his side.
“John?” Evan said, standing up and moving close to his under. He didn’t touch him. “Hey, we’re done for today, buddy, you don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
John blinked at him and looked around dazedly. He glared at Kate and then ran from the office.
“Evan!” Kate called as he followed John. “Wednesday at 1600.”
He stopped at the door and stared at her in disbelief.
“This is good. He’s angry, Evan. He’s angry for the first time. Go after him. Believe me, this is progress.”
John was curled on his side on the bed, a pillow over his head when Evan got to their room. He climbed up beside him, sitting with his back to the headboard. “I misbehaved again,” John mumbled from under the pillow.
“I would have, in your place. I’d never, ever share you with anyone John. You’re mine. I’m not into group sex, I wouldn’t ever put you in that position. I’d never have sex with you without your consent.”
“I know. You’re not him. I know that.”
“Come up here,” Evan patted John’s hip.
Rolling over, John peered up at him from under the pillow. “I think I want to punch something.”
“Do you? Well, come on then, I’ll take you down to the gym and you can hit the bag. Or we can put on the gloves and you can take a few swings at me.”
“I don’t want to punch you.” ohn pulled the pillow back down.
Evan slid off the bed, walked around to John’s side and reached for John’s arm, pulling at him. “Come on. Get up.”
“No.” John pulled his arm away.
“Are you being disobedient?”
“I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want to stay here.” He kicked his feet on the bed.
Smiling, Evan pushed at John until he rolled onto his back and pulled the pillow away. He leaned down and kissed John’s cheek. John turned his face aside. “Okay. We’ll stay here, since you refuse to go. I never thought I’d be happy to see an under have a temper tantrum.”
“I’m not having a tantrum.” John ripped the pillow out of Evan’s hands.
“Oh, no?” Evan grinned at him and John heaved the pillow in his face. He tossed it onto the bed. “We have another session Wednesday at 1600.”
John gritted his teeth and ground out, “I’m not going! I don’t want to talk to Kate anymore. I’m done with therapy.”
Patiently, Evan replied, “We’ll talk about it on Wednesday.”
The fight suddenly went out of John, he sagged and let out a strangled noise that might have been a sob. “I’m tired Evan. I’m so tired.”
“Roll over on your belly. I want to rub your back. Go on, flip.” When John did, he straddled John’s hips, pushed his t-shirt up and and dug his hands into the tight muscles, finding knots of tension everywhere.
“I’m sor...”
“Shh, shh, shh. No more talking. You did enough talking for today. Relax.”
He rubbed and massaged, working over John’s back until he felt him go completely limp and felt his breathing slow. Sliding off him, Evan stretched out on his side. He wasn’t going to sleep, not for a long time. Knowing what John had been through and hearing it from his mouth were two different things. He felt physically ill over what he knew now. Another session like today’s and Evan might need his own course of therapy in order to cope.
The EndOriginally posted at http://rinkafic.dreamwidth.org/