O is for Order
Title: O is for Order
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Series: part of the Goddess ‘verse (Sequence #6)
Characters/Pairing: Parrish/Lorne, Cadman
Rating: PG
Orientation: Slash
Word Count: 1,250
Prompt: for parrish_lorne Alphabet Soup
HC Bingo Fill: "Mental Health Issues"
AU Bingo Fill: "Deities, Higher Powers"
Lor woke up in a cold sweat. The nightmares were back full blast and his sleep pattern was back as it had been before Laru had helped him. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. This couldn’t go on. He tried to be quiet, so he wouldn’t wake David.
The thoughts in his head were racing. His energies were a mess; the combination of what he had absorbed from Laru and his own energies was a nearly noxious blend. How did she deal with the chaos, the randomness, the unpredictable ebbs and flows? It was driving him mad. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to find threads of order. It was hard, so very hard. So much of what he had been had been subsumed. Even the knowledge that it was temporary did not help.
Frustrated by his inability to grab hold of a simple thread, he threw off the blankets and slid off the bed. He pulled a t-shirt over his head and dug around for his sweatpants and sneakers. Maybe a walk would help.
He tried following the path he always took when he jogged around the city. A small little bit of order, a pattern that he could recognize. He started to run, despite his intention to just walk. Somehow, he ended up on the East Pier. Lor groaned, this was not his usual route. He couldn’t even hold the simplest of patterns anymore! He bent, resting his hands on his knees as he panted to catch his breath.
Lor couldn’t draw energies from this chaos. It burned, it hurt. It was unnerving him. He bit his knuckles to hold in the sob that threatened to emerge. This was too much. He straightened up and started to run, letting his body go where it would, paying no mind to the route.
He found himself outside Laru’s door. It was the middle of the night. He should leave. But he needed… something. He couldn’t figure out what to do anymore. He rang the chime and then knocked. “Cadman, it’s Lorne, I need to talk to you.”
When the door opened, she blinked up at him sleepily. She still looked the same, he tummy still flat. The pregnancy was still their secret. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks. Can I come in?”
Laru stepped aside and let him pass. He started pacing in circles and she went back to her bed and sat down.
“How do you do this? I can’t concentrate. I can’t find a thread of simple order. Everything is jumbled and messy and random and…” he waved his hands in circles near his head and rambled out rapidly, “… I can’t think, I can’t think straight. It hurts, it burns. I can’t find the energies I need. I try to catch the threads, I try to put them in place, things won’t stay, they just won’t stay! Nothing helps, nothing stays, it’s all crazy!”
Leaping up from the bed, Laru grabbed his arms, “Lor! Lor! Breathe!” She had to physically stop him from walking in circles. “Breathe. Come sit for a minute.” She forced him to the bed and down, where he sat with his head hanging in his hands, rocking in place.
She knelt on the floor beside him and clasped one of his hands where it rested against his head. “Easy, just try to relax, Lor.” He clutched a little desperately at her hand. He stopped rocking after a bit and looked up at her. “Hurts.”
“I can see you’re hurting. And not sleeping either, the bags under your eyes have bags of their own. Have you been trying to organize things, Lor? You cannot make Order out of Chaos, surely you know that?” She laughed lightly and rubbed his head as he nodded. “Aw, sweetie, stop. Just stop and let things happen, let it flow as it will, you’ll expend way too much energy trying to tame it. You’ll burn yourself up.”
He blinked at her. No wonder he was worn out. She moved to sit beside him on the bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and hugged him. “Just stop and let things happen, Lor, stop trying to control everything.”
Nodding, he leaned against her for a minute, shamelessly soaking up the comfort she offered. “I need to go back, David will worry.”
“As if something bad would happen in Atlantis,” Laru snorted.
He got up and walked to the door and tossed a chin towards her midsection as she walked with him. “You feeling okay?”
“Fine, so far. Just empty and blank, a little numb. I miss my powers.”
He kissed her forehead. “A few months, then I will happily give back what I can.”
~*~
David was staring at the ceiling, he’d felt Evan get up, heard him making very unhappy noises as he dressed and left. He was going to give him fifteen more minutes, and then he was going to Gate Control and getting Chuck to find Evan by his transponder. Just to be sure he was okay.
The door opened just as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He gave a sigh of relief, he had not really been certain Chuck would even help him. With heavy steps, Evan dragged himself into the room.
“Hey,” David called quietly and turned on the bedside light.
“Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”
“Come back to bed.”
He considered it, and then sniffed at himself. “I reek, I was running.”
“Then shower. And come back to bed.”
David listened to the water running. He was concerned at the decline he was seeing since they were all kidnapped by the Abero and Lor and Laru’s whole energy-merging episode. It was still a little strange to David, the whole Order and Chaos thing. His boyfriend was a friggin’ god. Literally.
One that was firing on only one cylinder these days, Evan looked horrible as he came out of the bathroom, still damp from the shower. Not sure what else to do, David simply opened his arms when Evan looked at him. “Come here.”
Stumbling, Evan practically threw himself at David, the momentum pushed them both back on the bed. After some wriggling around, they were both a bit more comfortable. David stroked Evan’s wet hair, listening to his breathing slow. “Want to talk about it?”
“All so mixed up. Hard to think anymore. Stupid chaos stuff,” Evan mumbled into David’s neck.
“Where’d you go?”
“Ended up at Laru’s quarters, I talked to her.”
David continued to stroke him, trying to coax the words out of him. It wasn’t really fair; Evan was so exhausted he had none of his usual reluctance to talk about things Order or Chaos related. But David took advantage anyway. “What did she say about it?”
“She said I should let it go, let it do what it wanted to.”
“Is that how you ended up there? Did you consciously go to her?”
“No.”
David kissed Evan’s forehead. “Seems like you ended up where you needed to be, Mister Order. Maybe there’s something to this letting loose.”
“Mmmfff.”
“Go to sleep Evan. Stop fighting everything.”
“… at’s wha Laru said.” Evan snuffled and sagged against David, drifting off, finally.
David held him close, his mind mulling over worrisome thoughts. The windows were just starting to lighten with the dawn as David was able to stop thinking and follow his lover into sleep.
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Series: part of the Goddess ‘verse (Sequence #6)
Characters/Pairing: Parrish/Lorne, Cadman
Rating: PG
Orientation: Slash
Word Count: 1,250
Prompt: for parrish_lorne Alphabet Soup
HC Bingo Fill: "Mental Health Issues"
AU Bingo Fill: "Deities, Higher Powers"
Lor woke up in a cold sweat. The nightmares were back full blast and his sleep pattern was back as it had been before Laru had helped him. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. This couldn’t go on. He tried to be quiet, so he wouldn’t wake David.
The thoughts in his head were racing. His energies were a mess; the combination of what he had absorbed from Laru and his own energies was a nearly noxious blend. How did she deal with the chaos, the randomness, the unpredictable ebbs and flows? It was driving him mad. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to find threads of order. It was hard, so very hard. So much of what he had been had been subsumed. Even the knowledge that it was temporary did not help.
Frustrated by his inability to grab hold of a simple thread, he threw off the blankets and slid off the bed. He pulled a t-shirt over his head and dug around for his sweatpants and sneakers. Maybe a walk would help.
He tried following the path he always took when he jogged around the city. A small little bit of order, a pattern that he could recognize. He started to run, despite his intention to just walk. Somehow, he ended up on the East Pier. Lor groaned, this was not his usual route. He couldn’t even hold the simplest of patterns anymore! He bent, resting his hands on his knees as he panted to catch his breath.
Lor couldn’t draw energies from this chaos. It burned, it hurt. It was unnerving him. He bit his knuckles to hold in the sob that threatened to emerge. This was too much. He straightened up and started to run, letting his body go where it would, paying no mind to the route.
He found himself outside Laru’s door. It was the middle of the night. He should leave. But he needed… something. He couldn’t figure out what to do anymore. He rang the chime and then knocked. “Cadman, it’s Lorne, I need to talk to you.”
When the door opened, she blinked up at him sleepily. She still looked the same, he tummy still flat. The pregnancy was still their secret. “You look like shit.”
“Thanks. Can I come in?”
Laru stepped aside and let him pass. He started pacing in circles and she went back to her bed and sat down.
“How do you do this? I can’t concentrate. I can’t find a thread of simple order. Everything is jumbled and messy and random and…” he waved his hands in circles near his head and rambled out rapidly, “… I can’t think, I can’t think straight. It hurts, it burns. I can’t find the energies I need. I try to catch the threads, I try to put them in place, things won’t stay, they just won’t stay! Nothing helps, nothing stays, it’s all crazy!”
Leaping up from the bed, Laru grabbed his arms, “Lor! Lor! Breathe!” She had to physically stop him from walking in circles. “Breathe. Come sit for a minute.” She forced him to the bed and down, where he sat with his head hanging in his hands, rocking in place.
She knelt on the floor beside him and clasped one of his hands where it rested against his head. “Easy, just try to relax, Lor.” He clutched a little desperately at her hand. He stopped rocking after a bit and looked up at her. “Hurts.”
“I can see you’re hurting. And not sleeping either, the bags under your eyes have bags of their own. Have you been trying to organize things, Lor? You cannot make Order out of Chaos, surely you know that?” She laughed lightly and rubbed his head as he nodded. “Aw, sweetie, stop. Just stop and let things happen, let it flow as it will, you’ll expend way too much energy trying to tame it. You’ll burn yourself up.”
He blinked at her. No wonder he was worn out. She moved to sit beside him on the bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulders and hugged him. “Just stop and let things happen, Lor, stop trying to control everything.”
Nodding, he leaned against her for a minute, shamelessly soaking up the comfort she offered. “I need to go back, David will worry.”
“As if something bad would happen in Atlantis,” Laru snorted.
He got up and walked to the door and tossed a chin towards her midsection as she walked with him. “You feeling okay?”
“Fine, so far. Just empty and blank, a little numb. I miss my powers.”
He kissed her forehead. “A few months, then I will happily give back what I can.”
~*~
David was staring at the ceiling, he’d felt Evan get up, heard him making very unhappy noises as he dressed and left. He was going to give him fifteen more minutes, and then he was going to Gate Control and getting Chuck to find Evan by his transponder. Just to be sure he was okay.
The door opened just as he swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He gave a sigh of relief, he had not really been certain Chuck would even help him. With heavy steps, Evan dragged himself into the room.
“Hey,” David called quietly and turned on the bedside light.
“Did I wake you? I’m sorry.”
“Come back to bed.”
He considered it, and then sniffed at himself. “I reek, I was running.”
“Then shower. And come back to bed.”
David listened to the water running. He was concerned at the decline he was seeing since they were all kidnapped by the Abero and Lor and Laru’s whole energy-merging episode. It was still a little strange to David, the whole Order and Chaos thing. His boyfriend was a friggin’ god. Literally.
One that was firing on only one cylinder these days, Evan looked horrible as he came out of the bathroom, still damp from the shower. Not sure what else to do, David simply opened his arms when Evan looked at him. “Come here.”
Stumbling, Evan practically threw himself at David, the momentum pushed them both back on the bed. After some wriggling around, they were both a bit more comfortable. David stroked Evan’s wet hair, listening to his breathing slow. “Want to talk about it?”
“All so mixed up. Hard to think anymore. Stupid chaos stuff,” Evan mumbled into David’s neck.
“Where’d you go?”
“Ended up at Laru’s quarters, I talked to her.”
David continued to stroke him, trying to coax the words out of him. It wasn’t really fair; Evan was so exhausted he had none of his usual reluctance to talk about things Order or Chaos related. But David took advantage anyway. “What did she say about it?”
“She said I should let it go, let it do what it wanted to.”
“Is that how you ended up there? Did you consciously go to her?”
“No.”
David kissed Evan’s forehead. “Seems like you ended up where you needed to be, Mister Order. Maybe there’s something to this letting loose.”
“Mmmfff.”
“Go to sleep Evan. Stop fighting everything.”
“… at’s wha Laru said.” Evan snuffled and sagged against David, drifting off, finally.
David held him close, his mind mulling over worrisome thoughts. The windows were just starting to lighten with the dawn as David was able to stop thinking and follow his lover into sleep.