Fic: Earn His Trust and Love Will Come After (2/4 or 5)
Title: Earn His Trust And Love Will Come After (2/4 or 5);
Rating: NC-17;
Genre: romance, angst, hurt/comfort, dreams/nightmares;
Pairing/Characters: Levia!Dean/Castiel, Dean/Castiel, Sam, Bobby, Jodie Mills;
Spoilers: spoilers for 7x6;
Beta: Un'beta'ed, all mistakes are my own;
Warnings: Sexual content, language, major hurt and consent issues;
Word Count: 5100 this part;
Summary: Dean found the truth that Castiel was alive but kept prisoner by Leviathans. Without a second though he rushed to get the angel free. Dean expected anything but what he witnessed when he was finally able to find his friend. Saving him wasn't a big deal, but earning his trust back after everything the Leviathans did to the angel was a different story.
Part 1
Part 2
Castiel shut his eyes open, as he woke up. His heart was beating hard in his chest and his whole body was covered in sweat. He was laying as still as he only could, trying to catch his breath and estimate his surroundings. The first thing he realized is that the pain in the lover part of his body he had already used to feel for a month was now less notable. He couldn’t say that it was totally gone, but at least now it was more or less bearable. The second thing Castiel noticed was the fact that the terrible reek of fish and decay was now gone, replaced by more pleasant smell of lavender coming from very soft pillow under his head and a blanket wrapped around him.
The angel looked around and found himself in an unfamiliar place, laying on a small but very comfortable bed, although after sleeping for so long on a cold floor, everything seemed more comfortable for the angel. The room was dim, but it had a small window in a wooden wall, lidding it and Castiel was able to see everything around. The place he found himself in looked like a cabin and according by green trees behind the window and songs of birds, he assumed that the cabin was situated somewhere in a forest. There wasn’t much furniture around, only the bed he was laying in a night stand next to the bed, a drip stand with an IV set connected to angel’s arm and a chair with a sleeping figure on it.
The heart seemed to stop in Castiel’s chest as he recognized the person because it was the man who for the last month had been the reason of Castiel’s pain and despair - Dean. Castiel felt like his whole body started to shiver in terror once again only by being with Dean in one room. His brain was telling him, that something was off this time that situation wasn’t usual, but he really couldn’t stop the shiver.
Castiel froze on the bed, afraid to even breathe as it could wake Dean up. His gaze moved towards the door open crack and then back to the hunter. It was his chance to escape, his last hope. Castiel had no idea what would he do outside where will he go, but right now everything seemed like a better idea.
He carefully extracted the needle from his vein, hissing quietly at the pain it caused and carefully threw the blanked off. When nothing was covering him, he noticed that something else was different. He wasn’t wearing his usual clothes, but a clean comfortable sweatpants and a tee shirt which looked like Dean’s. That was very weird, because Dean had never allowed the angel to wear any of his clothes as he never allowed him to sleep on a bed. Castiel would think that everything that had happened to him last month was nothing more but a terrible nightmare, but in this case, why it had to be a cabin in the forest and not Bobby’s house Dean brought him into? Plus the slight movement made his insides to ache terribly, so it was anything but a dream.
Castiel tried to sit on the bed, but the new position caused another weave of pain from his lower body, making him hiss and turn on the side. One of his legs accidentally brushed against the dripper stand, pushing it and sending it into a flight to the floor. Castiel watched his only way to escape slipping away with an inside scream, there wasn’t a single chance the hunter wasn’t able to hear it.
***Dean shot his eyes open the moment he heard the sound of something falling on the floor. The first thing he spotted was Castiel awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed and starring at the hunter with terrified eyes. When the angel noticed Dean waking up, he slid from the bed, trying to stand, but his legs appeared to be too weak and the shorter man fell on the floor on his ass, squeaking of sudden pain and trying to turn on his stomach.
“Cas!” Dean exhaled rushing to his friend, but his actions seemed to make things even worse as Castiel suddenly started to scream curling himself on the floor trying to hide his face in his palms. “Whoo-wo-wo!” Dean yelped raising his hands in the air “Cas! I’m not touching you! Dude, relax!”
But the angel seemed not to pay any attention to Dean, shaking hard and trying to climb under the bed.
“Castiel!” Dean yelled, trying to reach angel’s state of awareness.
This time it worked better and the angel looked back on the hunter still shaking and scared.
“Not touching you! You hear me, Cas! Not even coming close to you!” Dean repeated as he made a step back.
Castiel blinked but didn’t reply.
Hearing the noises and screaming Sam and Bobby appeared on the door way but was prevented from entering the room by Dean who made a step towards the door and gestured them to back off.
“Cas. You’re safe! You hear me!” Dean continued. “It wasn’t me… all this time it wasn’t me, it was the Leviathan!”
The angel inhaled sharply, then moved his glance from the hunter to the doorway where the other two men were still standing just in case and then back to Dean. “Leviathan?” He asked, like trying to taste the word on his tongue.
“Yes! They can turn into other people, like shape shifters!” Dean quickly explained. “I killed him, Cas! You’re safe now!”
Castiel seemed like calmed down, trying to proceed everything Dean told him but still not taking his eyes away from the hunter and not moving like he was afraid that Dean could jump on him unexpectedly. “D… Dean?” he finally announced with a surprised tone.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s me. Real me, Cas!” Dean confirmed. “All right, you really should return to bed and rest some more.” He said and made several steps towards the angel.
It was his mistake as Castiel shrank back into a defensive pose on the ground starring at Dean terrified, trying to back away as much as he could.
“God dammit!” Dean swore backing off. “Sammy… or Bobby, can you help him climbing back on the bad? I don’t think he will let me any closer.”
Both hunters entered the room and moved closer to Castiel. The angel was still watching them suspiciously, but at least he accepted their help and was finally placed back in the bed.
“All right.” Bobby nodded. “It seems that now he will be able to eat something by himself and the dripper is no longer needed. He looks way better than yesterday, although he seems to still having a slight fever.” The old hunter explained when they finally finished their task. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, son?” Bobby turned to the angel.
Castiel blinked looking at Bobby and shook his head.
“Good.” Bobby nodded. “I will go and warm up some chicken soup then.”
With those words Bobby left the room, tugging the younger Winchester with him. It really looked like the two of other hunters were trying to leave Dean and Castiel alone, probably they thought that the two of them had stuff to discuss, but Dean had no idea what could he possibly talk to Castiel about. It was not like there was anything to discuss, because yeah, shit happened. Castiel had been raped by a freaking Leviathan, but it was not like Dean could give any kind of psychological help in this situation. In fact if Dean would appear on angel’s place, talking was the last thing in the world he would want.
“Ok…” Dean sighed. “I will… go and check on my brother and Bobby. And you… you just relax and try to have some rest.” He said bluntly and rushed from the room feeling terribly uncomfortable and nearly blushing.
***Last night Dean really hoped to sneak inside the cabin not waking anyone up, but his luck had unfortunately turned away from him as the hunter had been met by both, his brother and Bobby who got outside and had been throwing angry looks in Dean’s direction. Although, when they saw Dean carrying Castiel in his arms, the anger in their eyes had changed into concern and then worry.
Dean really hadn’t wanted to see anyone that moment as he hadn’t wanted to explain anything to two other hunters. With some sort of miracle he had convinced Bobby to return back to bed while sending Sam to a pharmacy as the angel had visible evidences of starvation and had been unconscious to eat on own accord and the only thing they had for current situation was one injection of glucose.
Dean had carefully undressed his friend and cleaned him in a small bathtub in warm water - well it hadn’t been like he never seen him naked by this point. Then he had dressed him in own clothes and laid onto Dean’s own bed, trying not to think about anything which had been actually pretty easy if to consider how tired the hunter was. That night he had to take care of the person who had become like a brother to the hunter and the time to think about his betrayal or freak about everything happened the night before had only come this morning.
“So, care to enlighten us and tell what happened to the guy?” Bobby inquired standing behind the kitchen counter and not even turning to face Dean.
The older Winchester shifted on his chair. It seemed that neither Sam nor Bobby understood a thing and it was for the best. The hunter couldn’t even imagine what had the angel passed though during that month, how terrible things had turned to him. It wasn’t something one could forget and move one it was going to be a black trace haunting Castiel all his life and less people would know about it, was better. Dean himself should probably never mention to Castiel that he knew and moreover saw everything with own eyes and couldn’t do a thing. He couldn’t do a thing for a whole month, because he even had never tried to look for the angel at the first place, thinking that he was dead.
“No.” Dean simply replied.
“Dean, you ran away in the middle of the night, you risked own life just leaving us behind!” His brother who was sitting silently the whole morning, flared out. “You could die there! You could…”
“And what?” Dean interrupted “May be I deserved it, after all the shit I’ve done?”
Sam glanced at the older brother and sighed. “Never mind...” He shook his head and stood from the table. “I will go and breath some fresh air” He announced before opening the door to leave the cabin and nearly knocked down sheriff Mills who appeared in the door way at the same moment he opened it. Sam bluntly apologized and maneuvered around the sheriff disappearing from Dean’s view.
“Is everything all right with him?” The sheriff asked.
“He’ll be fine!” Dean replied.
May be his reassurance didn’t look anyhow reassuring, but Jodie as it seemed understood that it wasn’t the best thing to discuss, so she simply walked closer to the table and placed several sheets of paper on it.
“Here are the results of the blood test you asked me to do.” She announced with a sigh. “There is a sign of tumefaction in his organism, like it happens if you injured in unsanitary environment.”
“Tumefaction? You said the guy was starved to this condition…” Bobby surprised.
Dean glanced at the older hunter but didn’t reply anything.
“There is also all the signs of starvation as well. But it’s not critical.” Jodie added.
“Nothing else?” Dean inquired. He was really afraid that the son of a bitch the Leviathan was could easly gift the angel with some sort of infection. That was the reason he asked the sheriff to take the blood sample at the first place.
“No, other than that he is perfectly normal.” Sheriff shook her head.
“Perfectly normal…” Dean mumbled though clenched teeth because Castiel was anything but normal. Well, he used to be at least.
“Anyway,” Jodie continued, “It’s nothing too serious and a week on antibiotics should do it, but the doctor who made the test said that it will be way better to get him to a hospital, just in case.”
“He isn’t going anywhere.” Dean refused not even thinking about it.
“Why is that suddenly such a problem?” Bobby inquired. “What really happened there? Why is that such a secret? Cause you know, he didn’t look injured to me.”
“I said nothing happened!” Dean groaned. “Can you please cut it off already?”
Both the sheriff and Bobby glanced at him askance, but didn’t comment. It was possible that the older hunter started to conjecture things, and his guesses even might have been right, but it still were two different things - to know and to guess. Castiel had suffered enough physically and Dean didn’t want to also dishonor his friend by telling everyone around about things the Leviathan did to him.
Of course his overprotective behavior didn’t mean that Dean forgave the angel totally. Castiel had done a lot of stupid things, he even had been threatening to kill the three hunters and he broke the wall in Sam’s head. But from another side - his brother was ok. Of course at first it had been difficult, but he really was better now; without any walls in his head, he even became stronger. So may be there wasn’t actually anything so terrible in the fact that Castiel did it? And about working with Crowley? To tell the truth Dean had never blamed Castiel for it, the thing which made Dean angry was the fact that Castiel had never come to him for help, that he chose a demon over him, like Sam once did. The angel tried to save the goddamn world once again, he just choose the wrong way to do it. But it didn’t mean Dean would never forgive him, because Castiel was a family, nearly Winchester.
“All right, let it be your way.” The older hunter agreed. “Take the soup to him than.” He added nodding at the bowl he prepared.
“Me? Why me?” Dean surprised.
“And who should do it then? Me? Or maybe Jodie?”
The last thing in the world Dean wanted to do right now was to return in the room to Castiel, to see his scared eyes piercing the hunter, making him feel like his soul was turning from inside out under the angel’s gaze, to think about what Castiel was seeing in the hunter every time his blues eyes were fixing on the taller man. But if Dean would refuse it, Bobby would get even more suspicious, or might start asking yet another round of questions Dean really had no intention on answering.
Dean swore in his mind and picked the bowl of soup before disappearing into another room.
***Castiel was laying still, wrapped in a cozy blanked afraid to move. He felt like he slept for many hours, but still he was so very tired, like if the last time he slept had been days ago. Every time he was trying to turn his head, the room was starting to spin before his eyes and nauseous spasm kept flushing trough his stomach. The only one thing which was preventing him from throwing up was a fact that his stomach was empty.
Castiel heard Sam Dean and Bobby arguing over something, but the sound were muffled by a closed door and he wasn’t able to hear what exactly they were talking about, but something was telling him that it was him they were discussing. Castiel had no idea what he supposed to do. Most of all he wanted to disappear right now, to fly away and never return to Earth, because of shame and pain this place caused him, because of everything Dean did to him.
No, not Dean - the Leviathan.
Castiel wasn’t stupid; he started to get suspicious because it had really been something wrong with Dean he used to be with for the last month. At first Castiel really wanted to believe that this person was really Dean, before he started to do those… things. And then Castiel simply didn’t know what to think and what to believe. He hadn’t been allowed to go anywhere, to watch TV or even read, he had no idea what was going on with the outside world and the only one source of information was that Dean. And the things he had been telling to the angel, the things happened to the world because of the angel.
But that Dean wasn’t real, and all this time he had been lying to make the angel feel even worse than he had already felt, condemning self the whole month.
But what if that was actually true? That everything that was going on with Castiel right now was just a dream? Or what if Dean whom he saw earlier today, who right now was in other room, wasn’t real? What if it was just a trick to make Castiel feel safe again, before starting to continue the torture?
His thought was disturbed by the sound of the door opening slowly, like the person on another side didn’t want to open it at the first place and was trying to take as much time as he could. Castiel glanced at the doorway, trying not to move his head and felt how his heart started to beat in his chest so fast that alone was making him feel like he was about to lose his consciousness once again.
“Hey…” Dean called in a whisper. The hunter looked very uncomfortable holding a bowl with something in his hands and switching his glance from the ceramic dishware to the angel and back. “Brought you soup…” He explained like he was trying to explain some sort of terrible action.
Castiel knew that he had to answer something but not a single word could escape his mouth, like someone deprived him of the ability to speak.
“Is it ok if I come closer?” Dean asked tentatively.
Castiel blinked several times fixing his eyes on the hunter and then slowly nodded. Dean took a deep breath before making several steps towards his friend.
Castiel’s heart started to beat even faster in his chest. He perfectly knew that this reaction was very unreasonable but he couldn’t control it anyhow. He was watching every step of the hunter like he could turn into a monster any second, but for what Castiel knew it really could happen.
Dean as it seemed noticed angel’s concern and stopped in the middle of the room. “Listen, I understand everything… well, not really, but I’m trying, but damn, you really need to eat!” He said with a sigh. “So I’m going to just leave the soup on the nightstand and you will eat it. Deal?”
Castiel nodded yet again and the hunter continued his way towards the bed the angel was currently occupying. The shorter man was trying hard to calm himself down, but it was more difficult than he could imagine. He was trying to convince himself that even if he shouldn’t trust this Dean, he at least could pretend that he did, that it might help him in any ways, but the heart in his chest was not under his control, not anymore. He used to being able to control all the body processes before, like Dean was controlling his Impala while driving, but now his vessel seemed to live its own life not asking Castiel for any sort of permissions. It was actually even ironic if to consider the fact how much connected he was with his vessel right now.
“It’s not much,” Dean mumbled as he finally reached the nightstand placing the bowl onto it, “but Sam said that you shouldn’t eat much right after you’ve been starving for long, cause of some health crap.” He explained like he was trying to justify the lack of better food.
Sam. Castiel felt like something comforting touched him from inside. For all this month he was considering the younger Winchester dead, because the Leviathan told him so, but apparently Sam was all right. At least that what Castiel assumed after seeing him today. The angel noticed how his lungs distended in a sigh of relief even before his brain could precede the good news.
Dean meanwhile finished with his task and hurried to leave the angel alone, for what Castiel was very thankful, because in an accord to eat the angel had to switch his position in a more or less sitting. Of course he still didn’t want to trust this Dean, but if there was any miserable chance that this hunter was the real one, he could see how painful it was to sit for the angel and Castiel really didn’t want him to know. He wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like he used to pay a lot of attention to human physiology before or to human moral norms of sharing something on this topic, it was just he didn’t want Dean to see him this way.
When Castiel had finally been left alone, he took a deep breath lifting his body up and trying to be as much unruffled as he only could. When he was finally in a half sitting position, the pain struck him with a new wave and he had to wait a moment before reaching for the bowl with a soup and bringing it closer to himself.
Castiel really didn’t want to eat. Not because he wasn’t hungry, because he clearly was, but because the process of consuming food seemed for him slightly filthy. It also wasn’t like he had never been eating at all during this month. From time to time the other Dean had been bringing him food to simply keep him alive, but those moments were rare and the food he had been bringing was disgusting and unpleasant and had always smelt like fish. At first Castiel had been refusing it, he hoped that if he wouldn’t eat he would be able to die, to stop those suffering, but the death from hunger appeared to be too long and agonizing so he started to consume what he had been given.
The pleasant smell of the soup reached angel’s nostrils making his stomach growl. The soup consisted mostly from the clear broth, but there also were little pieces of boiled chicken and something which Castiel determined as carrots; all of them were cut into very small pieces to make the substance more comfortable for drinking. Castiel inhaled the pleasant odor of the liquid once again before finally giving up and making the first sip.
The soup was surprisingly good. Castiel of course never tried much food to compare tastes but after a month of hunger the soup seemed to him like the most pleasurable thing in the world. The warmth of the liquid spread over his body caressing him gently and making the angel relaxed. Castiel’s suddenly heard his vessel making a moaning sound without his control, but this time he took it as a good sign before leaning to the bowl once again and drinking the soup greedily filling his stomach with its pleasant warmth.
When the bowl was empty, Castiel returned it on the nightstand and sunk back into the bed, trying to ignore the pain from the movement as much as he could. For some reasons now he felt very calm even when the all fibers of his common sense were telling him otherwise, were telling him that he shouldn’t give in into this contrived reality, because it was too good to be true. Castiel just needed to rest some more, to close his eyes for several more moments before returning into the condition of full awareness and not pay attention of how cozy this bed was, how pleasant it smelt and how good was the feeling of having something in his stomach, so he did.
***It had been a late night hour when Dean parked his car nearly some sort of an empty building and got out from it, stretching his limbs and looking around.
“Why are we here, Dean?” Castiel asked following him out from the car.
“Hiding.” The hunter replied as this one word was the answer to any question Castiel had.
Castiel wanted to ask why they didn’t return to Bobby’s why they had to hide in a place which looked like an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere - there was nothing around in many miles, just open fields and forest, but he was too afraid to ask more questions feeling as he wasn’t allowed to because of what he had done in the past. If Dean thought that it would be the best place for them to stay for the night, so Castiel would follow him. He would follow Dean into the end of the world once again if he needed to; he would die for him, so why to question his decisions on something minor like that?
“We will spend here several days before moving further.” Dean added smiling. There were something off with this smile, it was cold and looked more like a grin, but Castiel decided that it were just his imagination and the lack of illumination playing stupid jokes with him.
The angel simply nodded and followed the hunter inside the empty building.
The warehouse from inside looked even worse than from outside. Some parts of the roof were ruined and the angel could see sky from the holes in it, the windows on the walls were broken, some of them were patched with polyethylene sheets but even those sheets had been already cut and torn. The floor was littered with all sort of trash starting from any kind of architectural debris to old dirty clothes which Castiel had no idea how they could appear here. The air around was reeking with all sort of terrible smells starting with already too familiar stench of fish and ending with fetor of urine coming from the dirty clothes spread all over the floor.
They moved from one room to another and Castiel found himself in a place he wasn’t able to see anything in. He heard some sort of clicking noise behind his back and the room suddenly lid up with the only one light bulb hanging from the ceiling. This room looked surprisingly cleaner that the rest of the building. There still was this terrible stench, but at least he was less notable and all the trash and debris had been removed from the floor.
In the right corner of the room was a single bed with no matrass, but a metal net pulled between its frame and several old wooden chairs on the other side. Other than that the room was empty.
“Not a royal apartment, but it will do.” Dean smirked. “Take a seat.”
Castiel obeyed the hunter and sat on the edge of the old bed. The metal net squeaked and sagged under the angel weight.
“There, I don’t need you die of hunger.” Dean explained as he extracted a plastic bag from his duffel and threw it onto angel’s knees.
Castiel opened the bag and found something which looked like orts from a cheap caff. It was cold and greasy and really unsavory, but Castiel had no other choice, he knew that without his grace he wasn’t able to sustain his vessel’s needs and food was the only one way for him to survive, so he dag into the orts trying to consume as much of it as he only could, ignoring the fact how unpleasant it felt in his month.
The whole this time Dean wasn’t tearing his gaze from the fallen angel. Usually Castiel wouldn’t even notice it, but this time there was something very unusual in Dean’s eyes, some sort of hunger and curiosity at the same time. The angel slowly started to feel uncomfortable under the intent stare, but he didn’t dare to say anything.
When the meal was over Dean suddenly made several steps towards the shorter man and grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, lifted him up in a standing position.
“Dean?” Castiel surprised feeling as his heart started to beat faster in his chest.
But Dean didn’t reply. With a single motion of his hands he tore Castiel’s shirt apart, making the angel squint in surprise and started to place hungry kisses on his neck and chest.
Castiel was standing still afraid to move a single inch. He was surprised by Dean’s action and didn’t know how to react, but at the same time he was simply afraid that the hunter could stop, could push the angel away and say that it was a mistake to do it, an ill-considered action. But Dean didn’t - moreover he was all over him, kissing his skin which felt like burning under every touch of hunter’s lips; Dean’s hands took a hold on Castiel’s hips, keeping him on one place, like the taller man was afraid that the angel could move away. Of course Dean was wrong, he didn’t need to hold Castiel, he could have all of him, he could do with him anything he wanted, because Castiel was ready to give the hunter anything, and not even because of guild and remorse he felt, but because he wanted it, he had wanted it for so long already, but was too afraid to ask, he was afraid that Dean could deny him. Angel’s head felt like spinning around too fast, making his legs weaker like they wasn’t able to hold the angel upright anymore, the entire world seemed to lose its importance because there wasn’t anything else left in it but Dean’s touches.
The sudden burst of sharp pain on angel’s shoulder made Castiel return back to reality. He buckled away from the hunter trying to look in his eyes, but his legs tripped over the edge of the bed and he fell down on it. Dean made one more step closer licking blood from his lips and grinning wide and Castiel felt like a wave of fright washed over him.
“Dean?” He pleaded in a broken voice.
But the hunter wasn’t listening. He leaned closer to the angel placing his hands on his shoulder and keeping him still.
“Better than I even could imagine.” He whispered on Castiel’s ear.
To be continued...
<< Previous Next>>
Rating: NC-17;
Genre: romance, angst, hurt/comfort, dreams/nightmares;
Pairing/Characters: Levia!Dean/Castiel, Dean/Castiel, Sam, Bobby, Jodie Mills;
Spoilers: spoilers for 7x6;
Beta: Un'beta'ed, all mistakes are my own;
Warnings: Sexual content, language, major hurt and consent issues;
Word Count: 5100 this part;
Summary: Dean found the truth that Castiel was alive but kept prisoner by Leviathans. Without a second though he rushed to get the angel free. Dean expected anything but what he witnessed when he was finally able to find his friend. Saving him wasn't a big deal, but earning his trust back after everything the Leviathans did to the angel was a different story.
Part 1
Part 2
Castiel shut his eyes open, as he woke up. His heart was beating hard in his chest and his whole body was covered in sweat. He was laying as still as he only could, trying to catch his breath and estimate his surroundings. The first thing he realized is that the pain in the lover part of his body he had already used to feel for a month was now less notable. He couldn’t say that it was totally gone, but at least now it was more or less bearable. The second thing Castiel noticed was the fact that the terrible reek of fish and decay was now gone, replaced by more pleasant smell of lavender coming from very soft pillow under his head and a blanket wrapped around him.
The angel looked around and found himself in an unfamiliar place, laying on a small but very comfortable bed, although after sleeping for so long on a cold floor, everything seemed more comfortable for the angel. The room was dim, but it had a small window in a wooden wall, lidding it and Castiel was able to see everything around. The place he found himself in looked like a cabin and according by green trees behind the window and songs of birds, he assumed that the cabin was situated somewhere in a forest. There wasn’t much furniture around, only the bed he was laying in a night stand next to the bed, a drip stand with an IV set connected to angel’s arm and a chair with a sleeping figure on it.
The heart seemed to stop in Castiel’s chest as he recognized the person because it was the man who for the last month had been the reason of Castiel’s pain and despair - Dean. Castiel felt like his whole body started to shiver in terror once again only by being with Dean in one room. His brain was telling him, that something was off this time that situation wasn’t usual, but he really couldn’t stop the shiver.
Castiel froze on the bed, afraid to even breathe as it could wake Dean up. His gaze moved towards the door open crack and then back to the hunter. It was his chance to escape, his last hope. Castiel had no idea what would he do outside where will he go, but right now everything seemed like a better idea.
He carefully extracted the needle from his vein, hissing quietly at the pain it caused and carefully threw the blanked off. When nothing was covering him, he noticed that something else was different. He wasn’t wearing his usual clothes, but a clean comfortable sweatpants and a tee shirt which looked like Dean’s. That was very weird, because Dean had never allowed the angel to wear any of his clothes as he never allowed him to sleep on a bed. Castiel would think that everything that had happened to him last month was nothing more but a terrible nightmare, but in this case, why it had to be a cabin in the forest and not Bobby’s house Dean brought him into? Plus the slight movement made his insides to ache terribly, so it was anything but a dream.
Castiel tried to sit on the bed, but the new position caused another weave of pain from his lower body, making him hiss and turn on the side. One of his legs accidentally brushed against the dripper stand, pushing it and sending it into a flight to the floor. Castiel watched his only way to escape slipping away with an inside scream, there wasn’t a single chance the hunter wasn’t able to hear it.
***Dean shot his eyes open the moment he heard the sound of something falling on the floor. The first thing he spotted was Castiel awkwardly sitting on the edge of the bed and starring at the hunter with terrified eyes. When the angel noticed Dean waking up, he slid from the bed, trying to stand, but his legs appeared to be too weak and the shorter man fell on the floor on his ass, squeaking of sudden pain and trying to turn on his stomach.
“Cas!” Dean exhaled rushing to his friend, but his actions seemed to make things even worse as Castiel suddenly started to scream curling himself on the floor trying to hide his face in his palms. “Whoo-wo-wo!” Dean yelped raising his hands in the air “Cas! I’m not touching you! Dude, relax!”
But the angel seemed not to pay any attention to Dean, shaking hard and trying to climb under the bed.
“Castiel!” Dean yelled, trying to reach angel’s state of awareness.
This time it worked better and the angel looked back on the hunter still shaking and scared.
“Not touching you! You hear me, Cas! Not even coming close to you!” Dean repeated as he made a step back.
Castiel blinked but didn’t reply.
Hearing the noises and screaming Sam and Bobby appeared on the door way but was prevented from entering the room by Dean who made a step towards the door and gestured them to back off.
“Cas. You’re safe! You hear me!” Dean continued. “It wasn’t me… all this time it wasn’t me, it was the Leviathan!”
The angel inhaled sharply, then moved his glance from the hunter to the doorway where the other two men were still standing just in case and then back to Dean. “Leviathan?” He asked, like trying to taste the word on his tongue.
“Yes! They can turn into other people, like shape shifters!” Dean quickly explained. “I killed him, Cas! You’re safe now!”
Castiel seemed like calmed down, trying to proceed everything Dean told him but still not taking his eyes away from the hunter and not moving like he was afraid that Dean could jump on him unexpectedly. “D… Dean?” he finally announced with a surprised tone.
“Yeah, yeah. It’s me. Real me, Cas!” Dean confirmed. “All right, you really should return to bed and rest some more.” He said and made several steps towards the angel.
It was his mistake as Castiel shrank back into a defensive pose on the ground starring at Dean terrified, trying to back away as much as he could.
“God dammit!” Dean swore backing off. “Sammy… or Bobby, can you help him climbing back on the bad? I don’t think he will let me any closer.”
Both hunters entered the room and moved closer to Castiel. The angel was still watching them suspiciously, but at least he accepted their help and was finally placed back in the bed.
“All right.” Bobby nodded. “It seems that now he will be able to eat something by himself and the dripper is no longer needed. He looks way better than yesterday, although he seems to still having a slight fever.” The old hunter explained when they finally finished their task. “You’re not going to do anything stupid, son?” Bobby turned to the angel.
Castiel blinked looking at Bobby and shook his head.
“Good.” Bobby nodded. “I will go and warm up some chicken soup then.”
With those words Bobby left the room, tugging the younger Winchester with him. It really looked like the two of other hunters were trying to leave Dean and Castiel alone, probably they thought that the two of them had stuff to discuss, but Dean had no idea what could he possibly talk to Castiel about. It was not like there was anything to discuss, because yeah, shit happened. Castiel had been raped by a freaking Leviathan, but it was not like Dean could give any kind of psychological help in this situation. In fact if Dean would appear on angel’s place, talking was the last thing in the world he would want.
“Ok…” Dean sighed. “I will… go and check on my brother and Bobby. And you… you just relax and try to have some rest.” He said bluntly and rushed from the room feeling terribly uncomfortable and nearly blushing.
***Last night Dean really hoped to sneak inside the cabin not waking anyone up, but his luck had unfortunately turned away from him as the hunter had been met by both, his brother and Bobby who got outside and had been throwing angry looks in Dean’s direction. Although, when they saw Dean carrying Castiel in his arms, the anger in their eyes had changed into concern and then worry.
Dean really hadn’t wanted to see anyone that moment as he hadn’t wanted to explain anything to two other hunters. With some sort of miracle he had convinced Bobby to return back to bed while sending Sam to a pharmacy as the angel had visible evidences of starvation and had been unconscious to eat on own accord and the only thing they had for current situation was one injection of glucose.
Dean had carefully undressed his friend and cleaned him in a small bathtub in warm water - well it hadn’t been like he never seen him naked by this point. Then he had dressed him in own clothes and laid onto Dean’s own bed, trying not to think about anything which had been actually pretty easy if to consider how tired the hunter was. That night he had to take care of the person who had become like a brother to the hunter and the time to think about his betrayal or freak about everything happened the night before had only come this morning.
“So, care to enlighten us and tell what happened to the guy?” Bobby inquired standing behind the kitchen counter and not even turning to face Dean.
The older Winchester shifted on his chair. It seemed that neither Sam nor Bobby understood a thing and it was for the best. The hunter couldn’t even imagine what had the angel passed though during that month, how terrible things had turned to him. It wasn’t something one could forget and move one it was going to be a black trace haunting Castiel all his life and less people would know about it, was better. Dean himself should probably never mention to Castiel that he knew and moreover saw everything with own eyes and couldn’t do a thing. He couldn’t do a thing for a whole month, because he even had never tried to look for the angel at the first place, thinking that he was dead.
“No.” Dean simply replied.
“Dean, you ran away in the middle of the night, you risked own life just leaving us behind!” His brother who was sitting silently the whole morning, flared out. “You could die there! You could…”
“And what?” Dean interrupted “May be I deserved it, after all the shit I’ve done?”
Sam glanced at the older brother and sighed. “Never mind...” He shook his head and stood from the table. “I will go and breath some fresh air” He announced before opening the door to leave the cabin and nearly knocked down sheriff Mills who appeared in the door way at the same moment he opened it. Sam bluntly apologized and maneuvered around the sheriff disappearing from Dean’s view.
“Is everything all right with him?” The sheriff asked.
“He’ll be fine!” Dean replied.
May be his reassurance didn’t look anyhow reassuring, but Jodie as it seemed understood that it wasn’t the best thing to discuss, so she simply walked closer to the table and placed several sheets of paper on it.
“Here are the results of the blood test you asked me to do.” She announced with a sigh. “There is a sign of tumefaction in his organism, like it happens if you injured in unsanitary environment.”
“Tumefaction? You said the guy was starved to this condition…” Bobby surprised.
Dean glanced at the older hunter but didn’t reply anything.
“There is also all the signs of starvation as well. But it’s not critical.” Jodie added.
“Nothing else?” Dean inquired. He was really afraid that the son of a bitch the Leviathan was could easly gift the angel with some sort of infection. That was the reason he asked the sheriff to take the blood sample at the first place.
“No, other than that he is perfectly normal.” Sheriff shook her head.
“Perfectly normal…” Dean mumbled though clenched teeth because Castiel was anything but normal. Well, he used to be at least.
“Anyway,” Jodie continued, “It’s nothing too serious and a week on antibiotics should do it, but the doctor who made the test said that it will be way better to get him to a hospital, just in case.”
“He isn’t going anywhere.” Dean refused not even thinking about it.
“Why is that suddenly such a problem?” Bobby inquired. “What really happened there? Why is that such a secret? Cause you know, he didn’t look injured to me.”
“I said nothing happened!” Dean groaned. “Can you please cut it off already?”
Both the sheriff and Bobby glanced at him askance, but didn’t comment. It was possible that the older hunter started to conjecture things, and his guesses even might have been right, but it still were two different things - to know and to guess. Castiel had suffered enough physically and Dean didn’t want to also dishonor his friend by telling everyone around about things the Leviathan did to him.
Of course his overprotective behavior didn’t mean that Dean forgave the angel totally. Castiel had done a lot of stupid things, he even had been threatening to kill the three hunters and he broke the wall in Sam’s head. But from another side - his brother was ok. Of course at first it had been difficult, but he really was better now; without any walls in his head, he even became stronger. So may be there wasn’t actually anything so terrible in the fact that Castiel did it? And about working with Crowley? To tell the truth Dean had never blamed Castiel for it, the thing which made Dean angry was the fact that Castiel had never come to him for help, that he chose a demon over him, like Sam once did. The angel tried to save the goddamn world once again, he just choose the wrong way to do it. But it didn’t mean Dean would never forgive him, because Castiel was a family, nearly Winchester.
“All right, let it be your way.” The older hunter agreed. “Take the soup to him than.” He added nodding at the bowl he prepared.
“Me? Why me?” Dean surprised.
“And who should do it then? Me? Or maybe Jodie?”
The last thing in the world Dean wanted to do right now was to return in the room to Castiel, to see his scared eyes piercing the hunter, making him feel like his soul was turning from inside out under the angel’s gaze, to think about what Castiel was seeing in the hunter every time his blues eyes were fixing on the taller man. But if Dean would refuse it, Bobby would get even more suspicious, or might start asking yet another round of questions Dean really had no intention on answering.
Dean swore in his mind and picked the bowl of soup before disappearing into another room.
***Castiel was laying still, wrapped in a cozy blanked afraid to move. He felt like he slept for many hours, but still he was so very tired, like if the last time he slept had been days ago. Every time he was trying to turn his head, the room was starting to spin before his eyes and nauseous spasm kept flushing trough his stomach. The only one thing which was preventing him from throwing up was a fact that his stomach was empty.
Castiel heard Sam Dean and Bobby arguing over something, but the sound were muffled by a closed door and he wasn’t able to hear what exactly they were talking about, but something was telling him that it was him they were discussing. Castiel had no idea what he supposed to do. Most of all he wanted to disappear right now, to fly away and never return to Earth, because of shame and pain this place caused him, because of everything Dean did to him.
No, not Dean - the Leviathan.
Castiel wasn’t stupid; he started to get suspicious because it had really been something wrong with Dean he used to be with for the last month. At first Castiel really wanted to believe that this person was really Dean, before he started to do those… things. And then Castiel simply didn’t know what to think and what to believe. He hadn’t been allowed to go anywhere, to watch TV or even read, he had no idea what was going on with the outside world and the only one source of information was that Dean. And the things he had been telling to the angel, the things happened to the world because of the angel.
But that Dean wasn’t real, and all this time he had been lying to make the angel feel even worse than he had already felt, condemning self the whole month.
But what if that was actually true? That everything that was going on with Castiel right now was just a dream? Or what if Dean whom he saw earlier today, who right now was in other room, wasn’t real? What if it was just a trick to make Castiel feel safe again, before starting to continue the torture?
His thought was disturbed by the sound of the door opening slowly, like the person on another side didn’t want to open it at the first place and was trying to take as much time as he could. Castiel glanced at the doorway, trying not to move his head and felt how his heart started to beat in his chest so fast that alone was making him feel like he was about to lose his consciousness once again.
“Hey…” Dean called in a whisper. The hunter looked very uncomfortable holding a bowl with something in his hands and switching his glance from the ceramic dishware to the angel and back. “Brought you soup…” He explained like he was trying to explain some sort of terrible action.
Castiel knew that he had to answer something but not a single word could escape his mouth, like someone deprived him of the ability to speak.
“Is it ok if I come closer?” Dean asked tentatively.
Castiel blinked several times fixing his eyes on the hunter and then slowly nodded. Dean took a deep breath before making several steps towards his friend.
Castiel’s heart started to beat even faster in his chest. He perfectly knew that this reaction was very unreasonable but he couldn’t control it anyhow. He was watching every step of the hunter like he could turn into a monster any second, but for what Castiel knew it really could happen.
Dean as it seemed noticed angel’s concern and stopped in the middle of the room. “Listen, I understand everything… well, not really, but I’m trying, but damn, you really need to eat!” He said with a sigh. “So I’m going to just leave the soup on the nightstand and you will eat it. Deal?”
Castiel nodded yet again and the hunter continued his way towards the bed the angel was currently occupying. The shorter man was trying hard to calm himself down, but it was more difficult than he could imagine. He was trying to convince himself that even if he shouldn’t trust this Dean, he at least could pretend that he did, that it might help him in any ways, but the heart in his chest was not under his control, not anymore. He used to being able to control all the body processes before, like Dean was controlling his Impala while driving, but now his vessel seemed to live its own life not asking Castiel for any sort of permissions. It was actually even ironic if to consider the fact how much connected he was with his vessel right now.
“It’s not much,” Dean mumbled as he finally reached the nightstand placing the bowl onto it, “but Sam said that you shouldn’t eat much right after you’ve been starving for long, cause of some health crap.” He explained like he was trying to justify the lack of better food.
Sam. Castiel felt like something comforting touched him from inside. For all this month he was considering the younger Winchester dead, because the Leviathan told him so, but apparently Sam was all right. At least that what Castiel assumed after seeing him today. The angel noticed how his lungs distended in a sigh of relief even before his brain could precede the good news.
Dean meanwhile finished with his task and hurried to leave the angel alone, for what Castiel was very thankful, because in an accord to eat the angel had to switch his position in a more or less sitting. Of course he still didn’t want to trust this Dean, but if there was any miserable chance that this hunter was the real one, he could see how painful it was to sit for the angel and Castiel really didn’t want him to know. He wasn’t sure why, it wasn’t like he used to pay a lot of attention to human physiology before or to human moral norms of sharing something on this topic, it was just he didn’t want Dean to see him this way.
When Castiel had finally been left alone, he took a deep breath lifting his body up and trying to be as much unruffled as he only could. When he was finally in a half sitting position, the pain struck him with a new wave and he had to wait a moment before reaching for the bowl with a soup and bringing it closer to himself.
Castiel really didn’t want to eat. Not because he wasn’t hungry, because he clearly was, but because the process of consuming food seemed for him slightly filthy. It also wasn’t like he had never been eating at all during this month. From time to time the other Dean had been bringing him food to simply keep him alive, but those moments were rare and the food he had been bringing was disgusting and unpleasant and had always smelt like fish. At first Castiel had been refusing it, he hoped that if he wouldn’t eat he would be able to die, to stop those suffering, but the death from hunger appeared to be too long and agonizing so he started to consume what he had been given.
The pleasant smell of the soup reached angel’s nostrils making his stomach growl. The soup consisted mostly from the clear broth, but there also were little pieces of boiled chicken and something which Castiel determined as carrots; all of them were cut into very small pieces to make the substance more comfortable for drinking. Castiel inhaled the pleasant odor of the liquid once again before finally giving up and making the first sip.
The soup was surprisingly good. Castiel of course never tried much food to compare tastes but after a month of hunger the soup seemed to him like the most pleasurable thing in the world. The warmth of the liquid spread over his body caressing him gently and making the angel relaxed. Castiel’s suddenly heard his vessel making a moaning sound without his control, but this time he took it as a good sign before leaning to the bowl once again and drinking the soup greedily filling his stomach with its pleasant warmth.
When the bowl was empty, Castiel returned it on the nightstand and sunk back into the bed, trying to ignore the pain from the movement as much as he could. For some reasons now he felt very calm even when the all fibers of his common sense were telling him otherwise, were telling him that he shouldn’t give in into this contrived reality, because it was too good to be true. Castiel just needed to rest some more, to close his eyes for several more moments before returning into the condition of full awareness and not pay attention of how cozy this bed was, how pleasant it smelt and how good was the feeling of having something in his stomach, so he did.
***It had been a late night hour when Dean parked his car nearly some sort of an empty building and got out from it, stretching his limbs and looking around.
“Why are we here, Dean?” Castiel asked following him out from the car.
“Hiding.” The hunter replied as this one word was the answer to any question Castiel had.
Castiel wanted to ask why they didn’t return to Bobby’s why they had to hide in a place which looked like an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere - there was nothing around in many miles, just open fields and forest, but he was too afraid to ask more questions feeling as he wasn’t allowed to because of what he had done in the past. If Dean thought that it would be the best place for them to stay for the night, so Castiel would follow him. He would follow Dean into the end of the world once again if he needed to; he would die for him, so why to question his decisions on something minor like that?
“We will spend here several days before moving further.” Dean added smiling. There were something off with this smile, it was cold and looked more like a grin, but Castiel decided that it were just his imagination and the lack of illumination playing stupid jokes with him.
The angel simply nodded and followed the hunter inside the empty building.
The warehouse from inside looked even worse than from outside. Some parts of the roof were ruined and the angel could see sky from the holes in it, the windows on the walls were broken, some of them were patched with polyethylene sheets but even those sheets had been already cut and torn. The floor was littered with all sort of trash starting from any kind of architectural debris to old dirty clothes which Castiel had no idea how they could appear here. The air around was reeking with all sort of terrible smells starting with already too familiar stench of fish and ending with fetor of urine coming from the dirty clothes spread all over the floor.
They moved from one room to another and Castiel found himself in a place he wasn’t able to see anything in. He heard some sort of clicking noise behind his back and the room suddenly lid up with the only one light bulb hanging from the ceiling. This room looked surprisingly cleaner that the rest of the building. There still was this terrible stench, but at least he was less notable and all the trash and debris had been removed from the floor.
In the right corner of the room was a single bed with no matrass, but a metal net pulled between its frame and several old wooden chairs on the other side. Other than that the room was empty.
“Not a royal apartment, but it will do.” Dean smirked. “Take a seat.”
Castiel obeyed the hunter and sat on the edge of the old bed. The metal net squeaked and sagged under the angel weight.
“There, I don’t need you die of hunger.” Dean explained as he extracted a plastic bag from his duffel and threw it onto angel’s knees.
Castiel opened the bag and found something which looked like orts from a cheap caff. It was cold and greasy and really unsavory, but Castiel had no other choice, he knew that without his grace he wasn’t able to sustain his vessel’s needs and food was the only one way for him to survive, so he dag into the orts trying to consume as much of it as he only could, ignoring the fact how unpleasant it felt in his month.
The whole this time Dean wasn’t tearing his gaze from the fallen angel. Usually Castiel wouldn’t even notice it, but this time there was something very unusual in Dean’s eyes, some sort of hunger and curiosity at the same time. The angel slowly started to feel uncomfortable under the intent stare, but he didn’t dare to say anything.
When the meal was over Dean suddenly made several steps towards the shorter man and grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, lifted him up in a standing position.
“Dean?” Castiel surprised feeling as his heart started to beat faster in his chest.
But Dean didn’t reply. With a single motion of his hands he tore Castiel’s shirt apart, making the angel squint in surprise and started to place hungry kisses on his neck and chest.
Castiel was standing still afraid to move a single inch. He was surprised by Dean’s action and didn’t know how to react, but at the same time he was simply afraid that the hunter could stop, could push the angel away and say that it was a mistake to do it, an ill-considered action. But Dean didn’t - moreover he was all over him, kissing his skin which felt like burning under every touch of hunter’s lips; Dean’s hands took a hold on Castiel’s hips, keeping him on one place, like the taller man was afraid that the angel could move away. Of course Dean was wrong, he didn’t need to hold Castiel, he could have all of him, he could do with him anything he wanted, because Castiel was ready to give the hunter anything, and not even because of guild and remorse he felt, but because he wanted it, he had wanted it for so long already, but was too afraid to ask, he was afraid that Dean could deny him. Angel’s head felt like spinning around too fast, making his legs weaker like they wasn’t able to hold the angel upright anymore, the entire world seemed to lose its importance because there wasn’t anything else left in it but Dean’s touches.
The sudden burst of sharp pain on angel’s shoulder made Castiel return back to reality. He buckled away from the hunter trying to look in his eyes, but his legs tripped over the edge of the bed and he fell down on it. Dean made one more step closer licking blood from his lips and grinning wide and Castiel felt like a wave of fright washed over him.
“Dean?” He pleaded in a broken voice.
But the hunter wasn’t listening. He leaned closer to the angel placing his hands on his shoulder and keeping him still.
“Better than I even could imagine.” He whispered on Castiel’s ear.
To be continued...
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