Wondering....
Is it okay?
Is it okay to be a second family? To want to be the first but you can’t. Not the first, the only. Three kids these days is too many… if I do this I give up the dream of being a mother. A real mom, not a step mom. I feel bad burdening this man with more kids than he can handle. Two is already too many. As an only child, one is all I wanted. Can I do that? Can I live with being just there???? Just a prop, not really connected in any way than in the way of the heart? Can I live with another woman in my life forever? Can I break the burrier of my mind and find it in me to let go? Can I just escape to my dream world and build my make believe family there? Does it have to be real? Can I survive in a fantasy? Can I face this other woman without picturing her in a wedding dress marrying my boyfriend??? How the fuck do I answer these goddam questions?????
Is it okay to be a second family? To want to be the first but you can’t. Not the first, the only. Three kids these days is too many… if I do this I give up the dream of being a mother. A real mom, not a step mom. I feel bad burdening this man with more kids than he can handle. Two is already too many. As an only child, one is all I wanted. Can I do that? Can I live with being just there???? Just a prop, not really connected in any way than in the way of the heart? Can I live with another woman in my life forever? Can I break the burrier of my mind and find it in me to let go? Can I just escape to my dream world and build my make believe family there? Does it have to be real? Can I survive in a fantasy? Can I face this other woman without picturing her in a wedding dress marrying my boyfriend??? How the fuck do I answer these goddam questions?????