(no subject)
I love to live my life out of boxes. I feel like I've written that sentence somewhere in the last few months. Or something similar.
I'm still in that LETS LIGHT THE PLACE ON FIRE AND LIVE WITH NOTHING phase of my life. I am so tired of having all this meaningless STUFF everywhere. When I shop, I don't even know if I like things. Really. I have lost all concept of beauty. I think its because I haven't had the funds to shop in ages. Now when I do, I can only view things in terms of function. I used to love things.
When I think about my upcoming new home, one where I will hopefully stay for longer than a few months, I can't imagine what it will look like. I just don't care. Everyone keeps going on about "decorating" and "you should paint this black!" (mum) and the "setup" (Jer), and "oh! can you paint?" (grandma). I have no idea what colour I would paint anything. I don't care. I would be overwhelmed with the choices, and would request that someone else do it so that nobody will take issue with what I've decided.
I can make several large-scale decisions regarding my life daily. I am known to be decisive and have good follow-through...but why do I not give two shits about my home, or my clothing? I blame finances, but you can look rad on a budget.
Where did my personality go? There was a time when I was smart. I was articulate. And independant. I had good clothes, and I had a stellar music collection, and my room was MINE. I feel like I've become this weird grey girl, who dresses out of necessity only and takes whatever she can get, regardless of how it looks. But I'm at an age now where I'm being judged by my "setup"; my personality is expected to come out in my home and life. But what happens when I can't seem to find out where that part of me went?
I'm still in that LETS LIGHT THE PLACE ON FIRE AND LIVE WITH NOTHING phase of my life. I am so tired of having all this meaningless STUFF everywhere. When I shop, I don't even know if I like things. Really. I have lost all concept of beauty. I think its because I haven't had the funds to shop in ages. Now when I do, I can only view things in terms of function. I used to love things.
When I think about my upcoming new home, one where I will hopefully stay for longer than a few months, I can't imagine what it will look like. I just don't care. Everyone keeps going on about "decorating" and "you should paint this black!" (mum) and the "setup" (Jer), and "oh! can you paint?" (grandma). I have no idea what colour I would paint anything. I don't care. I would be overwhelmed with the choices, and would request that someone else do it so that nobody will take issue with what I've decided.
I can make several large-scale decisions regarding my life daily. I am known to be decisive and have good follow-through...but why do I not give two shits about my home, or my clothing? I blame finances, but you can look rad on a budget.
Where did my personality go? There was a time when I was smart. I was articulate. And independant. I had good clothes, and I had a stellar music collection, and my room was MINE. I feel like I've become this weird grey girl, who dresses out of necessity only and takes whatever she can get, regardless of how it looks. But I'm at an age now where I'm being judged by my "setup"; my personality is expected to come out in my home and life. But what happens when I can't seem to find out where that part of me went?