Personal viewpoint on life, in blazing 2d text!
I first started writing these back in 2003, and the last time they were posted was 2004. They started out as 18 one sentence long entries and over the years has expanded to 6 pages of solid text. So here it is in it's most updated glory. A lot of it may seem familiar to those who have read my earlier drafts, but there is a lot of new stuff in there as well as reworking almost every entry for clarification. If you want to skip it I understand, it's a lot of reading. If you do take the time to read the entire thing though (if you read it at all please read all of it ;) ) I would love feedback. This is a living document and I am looking for intelligent discourse on these subjects as I am always looking for new view points to potentially assimilate into mine. Thanks!
Principles of Thought and Action:
First draft 9/9/2003
Last updated 5/19/2008
By Patrick SMC Bailey
1. Everybody is human, and just as fallible as anyone else is. Race, creed, faith, sexual orientation… These are not reasons to dislike or think badly of someone. Nobody is an overall better person than anyone else, just different.
2. There is nothing wrong with being different. Be strong and proud of your differences; don’t be ashamed of them. Others around you will see that you are comfortable with yourself, and will respect your strength and confidence. Those that do not see it you are probably better off not having in your life anyway.
3. Anything anyone could say is his or her opinion, and everybody has the same chance of being correct, even if uninformed. Even “facts” can sometimes not be true, from a certain point of view.
4. Not everyone is created equal. Some people are smarter than others, or more talented, or stronger, and there will always be envy from those who lack on the lesser end. The playing field is not even, and some people have advantages others do not. These abilities do not make a person “better” than another, or more special. They only mean that they excel in something others don’t. Nobody is special in comparison to others when it comes to the compassion or attention they deserve, everybody deserves those in equal measure. If you are a gifted person do not let it go to your head. Those abilities should be used for the betterment of yourself and those around you, not so that you can feel superior to others. If you are not especially talented, smart, etc.; do not feel that you are worth any less. Chances are there are things you can do that the “special” people can’t, you just have to find and develop those strengths. Everyone excels at something. You may see yourself as less than somebody else, but chances are you are “better” than them in some way as well. Do not ever sell yourself short, and never be jealous of others. Look into yourself for happiness instead of looking at others and wishing you had what they have.
5. Let your heart guide you, but use your head for the final decision. Sometimes your emotions will prompt you in to a course of action that is ultimately wrong or hurtful. Always try to think before you act or speak.
6. Do not generalize except in simple ways. Generalization can lead to misunderstanding, prejudice and a retardation of learning. It should only be used when needing to cover a broad concept in conversation, and even then you should make sure your reasons for the generalization are clear to who you are speaking to. (See: 7. Labeling)
7. Labeling is OK, as long as it is only used as a method of communicating a meaning or concept faster, though be careful not to stereotype. Stereotyping is another way that ignorance and laziness in attitude and thought is propagated.
8. Be open and honest. Do not misrepresent yourself. Have the strength to behave the way you feel is right for you. You will find your truest friends only when they truly know you. Otherwise you will never know; do people respect you, or a facade? When you try to be something that you are not, you only fool others half as much as you are fooling yourself.
9. Adapt, but do not conform. Conformity degrades your ability to grow as a person and impedes your ability to reach equilibrium with and an understanding of your world. Adaptation is the key to living within a changing world without changing who you truly are.
10. Follow your responsibilities, keep your promises if at all possible, do not make promises you are not sure you can keep and do not lie unless absolutely necessary. (See: APPENDIX I)
11. Have fun, in any form it takes, as long as it does not impede another’s ability to do the same.
12. Do not let fear or trepidation impede your ability to enjoy life. If you want to do something, but are too scared to act upon it, try to overcome that fear. If you never take that step into the unknown there will always be a part of you wondering what you missed out on. Life should be experienced, not watched as it goes by.
13. Take responsibility for your own happiness; do not force your beliefs on others. If something somebody does or says offends you (and it was unintentional and/or not malevolent in intent), take yourself out it’s presence. Never try to change what another enjoys just because it offends your sensibilities. That is unfair to the other person who has just as much of a right to enjoy it as you do to not enjoy it.
14. If you take responsibility for the upbringing of a child, pay attention to what they are doing, listening to, watching and playing. Do not let others do your job for you, whether they be another parent, friend, family member or even the government. If you find something objectionable take the responsibility upon yourself to govern your child's access to it. Those things have the right to exist as there are people out there that do not find it inappropriate, even if you do. Do not blame anyone else for somebody under your care getting access to something you believe is inappropriate for them. It is your job as a parent, blood relation or otherwise, to care for them. No one else's.
15. Always seek knowledge, be observant, read, and most importantly, never close your mind. You may come to a decision about something, but you may then find information that contradicts your viewpoint. Allowing yourself to be wrong and absorb the new information to come up with a more educated understanding of the subject at hand will make you a more understanding and knowledgeable person.
16. Do not take anyone else’s word on something as the absolute truth. They, like anyone else, could be incorrect. Even if they are in a position of leadership or power it does not make them better able to understand something, it just means that they may have more training or education in the subject that helps to strengthen their viewpoint. This education may be skewed towards their side of the argument though, and shouldn’t be arbitrarily considered balanced. Don’t take anything for granted, research things for yourself, and then make your own decisions.
17. Treat others with the same kindness and respect you would want to be shown yourself. We are all deserving of the same treatment in base form, but if such kindness is rebuked the recipient looses all claims to be treated as you would wish to be treated.
18. Treat others in a way that is an appropriate reaction to how you are treated by them, for good or ill. If somebody does something nice for you, return the favor. If somebody wrongs you, make your displeasure known. Though you must be wise in this; as seeking justice and honor are good, while seeking vengeance is not. Never let an injustice stand, but also do not become what you are fighting against.
19. Always bear in mind that any perceived action against you may have been interpreted by you in a manner in which the originator had not intended or meant. If you feel you have been slighted or wronged try to find the motivations behind the act before reacting yourself. You may find that you misread the situation and there is nothing to be upset over after all.
20. Don’t be malicious, cruel or mean. Even if you feel that another person “deserves” negative treatment it is a truly rare situation that warrants such behavior. If you get the urge to act in an unpleasant manner to someone, stop and ask yourself why. Hurting somebody’s feelings feeds the urge to be hurtful, and only makes you into a bully.
21. Doing something for yourself is strength, but asking for help when needed is not weakness. Never be afraid to ask for help, but do not let it become a crutch. There is a line between knowledge and acceptance of your own limitations, and indolence. Be sure you stay on the right side.
22. Many if not most humans fear the unknown and require faith to absolve that fear, or for a multitude of other reasons they feel that their faith is right for themselves. This is natural and necessary for a lot of people. You may find their type of faith silly, simple minded, or just incorrect and may not respect their viewpoints in and of themselves; but they have the same right to believe in what they do as you have to your own views and ideals. Respect other’s beliefs even if they are not your own, or even if you have no belief system at all.
23. Always look for a positive in any situation, and try to focus on it if at all possible. Problems will not seem so overbearing if you can keep an optimistic outlook.
24. Do not focus on the negative. Life is meant to be lived, but it is finite. There just isn’t time enough to live your life with hatred, misery or despair. Occasional negative emotional releases are healthy and good for your well being, but don’t dwell on them. If you are angry, scared or upset all the time, what’s the point? Let the negative emotions go, and start enjoying yourself.
25. If you cannot see good in your situation or yourself and are slumping into depression, force yourself to do something you enjoy and not think about the source of the negative emotions. It may be hard, and everything inside you may be telling you that you cannot be happy; but that is a lie. You CAN pull yourself out of negative thoughts and self-destructive behavior if you truly try, but it can at times take a supreme effort of will. Find the willpower within and pull yourself out of the depths of depression, and you will be stronger for it. This can be one of the hardest things you will do in your lifetime, but also in contrast one of the most rewarding.
26. If you feel hatred, and no matter what you do you just can’t reconcile the focus of your hate to a peaceful state of mind, try to put it out of your mind for a while. Your time is better spent not actively hating something, if you don’t like it try to have as little to do with it as possible. Eventually if you’re not constantly thinking about why you hate it, the hate itself may start to fade.
27. When speaking try to put the information that you are trying to communicate in a simple and basic form. Use examples of the principles you are trying to convey as necessary. Everybody views another’s words and actions through their own perceptions and ideals, and will most likely not perceive your message in the manner in which you mean it unless you can make it plain. There are few things more frustrating than arguing a point with somebody else but not being able to see past each other’s semantics. Who knows? You may even be in agreement and just not realize it.
28. Trust your partnership. Trust your partner(s). Even when they may do something that arises suspicion in you, talk to them about it rather fretting over the possible implications. Don't snoop into their private business, and understand sometimes people don't always want to be with their partner 100% of the time. Suspicion, mistrust and uncertainty are not things that belong in a relationship, they can lead to many other destructive emotions, such as jealously. If you can't trust them, why stay with them? Do both yourself and them a favor and either choose to trust, or leave.
29. Jealousy is an emotion to avoid. It stems from lack of belief/trust in yourself and/or your partner, or from possessiveness. It is a disruptive emotion that will hurt your own mental and emotional health as well as potentially put a valued relationship at risk. Jealousy means you care more about your own feelings than your partner’s.
30. Possessiveness is also something to avoid. Everyone is their own person, and nobody can own somebody else. To lay claim on a person as “yours” in any other manner than a way to describe that you are in a mutually agreed relationship is wrong. Never lay claim to somebody else, they are not yours. They are their own and nobody else’s. If you are in a relationship it’s not because you own your partner or vice versa; it’s because you both have chosen to be together, and one or both of you can just as easily choose not to be.
31. If you are always looking for people to back stab you, you can't trust others, or you feel that everyone around you is always looking to one-up you; the problem may not be them, but yourself. There are many untrustworthy people in the world, but it is not everyone. People usually assume that others react and have the same values as themselves deep down, so take a step back and look at how you treat others. Do you ever do to others what you are afraid they will do to you? Work on being a trustworthy person yourself and you will attract others to you that are worth trusting.
32. Do not judge others until you have gotten to know them, if you judge them at all. Do not listen or give any weight to other’s perceptions, gossip or hearsay. Make your own judgment based on your own perceptions and feelings. Take note of others’ feelings of the subject at that point, and then assimilate them as needed into your view of the person, if at all.
33. Everything in moderation. If you do something too much, or with too much vigor, eventually the attraction to it wanes. You may even get to a point where there is no joy in what you can provide for yourself any longer. Better to do something occasionally, that way it will remain fresh and exciting and you won’t have to keep looking for new and better ways to entertain yourself.
34. Empathize. If somebody turns to you for comfort or advice try to put yourself into their situation, and then try to look at it from their point of view. Why did they react the way they did? What made them feel the way they do? If you can not only see what you yourself would have done, but also try to understand why they did it their way, you’ll be in a better position to provide the support they need.
35. There are things that are considered inappropriate behavior to all peoples; no matter what moral code they follow. Killing, raping, stealing… these are things that are almost never appropriate to anyone. Rare circumstances may require an act that would normally be considered abhorrent to be preformed, but even then only if it is not done out of anger or maliciousness should it be considered acceptable.
36. Never deny a non-harmful new experience. Try it; if you don’t like it at least you gave it a chance. If somebody else likes it and wants to share the experience with you, you may want to consider trying it again because this time you will also be experiencing it through their eyes, not just your own.
37. Don’t be afraid of confrontation. Avoiding unpleasantness will not make it go away, it will just cause it to grow and be harder to deal with later. If it is a problem with your friend or partner, think to your self, “Is our relationship so fragile that discussing a problem will irrevocably hurt it?” If the answer is yes, you may want to rethink your friendship / partnership, but in most cases you should trust the other to understand.
38. Don’t change your life because of indecision, only decisions. If you put your life on hold because you’re not sure what to do, then you will only find yourself confused and worried about your choices. When a choice, especially a life choice needs to be made, sit down and work it out. Do not procrastinate, but don’t change your behavior or attitude until you make the decision. Then once the decision is made act on it, especially if it concerns another person. Do not wait for them to come to you, take the initiative yourself.
39. People don’t really mean it when they say they want life to be fair. People want life to be fair to them, at their convenience. If you ever feel that life is being unfair to you, put the thought out of your head, and instead work on making your life what you want it to be yourself. Most things will turn out for the best if given enough time and effort; it’s just getting to that point that can be difficult. Never give up.
APPENDIX I: Why shouldn’t you lie?
Well besides the golden rule applying here, (that most people do not like being lied too, and if you do not enjoy being lied to then don’t lie to others) there is also the point that lies often cascade onto themselves. When you tell a lie, you must remember the lie you have told. The more lies you tell the more you must keep track of them in order to not get caught. If you ARE caught you must then lie again if you don’t want the truth to come out. Eventually you build a very shaky house of cards that chances are will eventually come down in a very unpleasant way for you and possibly others. Don’t take the chance in the first place and simply always be honest and you will find that you will be filled with far less stress, have less chance of hurting yourself or others, have more people trust you, and generally be a happier more content person. If you do not want something known, do not volunteer the information. If asked directly say it is a private matter you do not wish to discuss and avoid telling a blatant untruth.
On a side note though, "white lies", when not being used for malicious deceit are acceptable, as long as they are not used so often as to be abusive.
For example, telling a child that the tooth fairy is real, or lying to somebody to hide the surprise waiting for him or her is acceptable. Sneaking out somewhere and then saying you didn’t when directly asked is not, nor is claiming that you did something you did not.
APPENDIX II: Perceptions, Confrontations, and Cruelty
There are a lot of things in our lives that cause extremes in emotions. Whether they are joyful, sad, full of anger or a mix that we can do nothing about but stare blankly ahead; they cause a major impact on our day-to-day lives as well as our relationships with others. Strong negative emotions can lead to war, prejudice, psychodrama, etc… The positive ones can lead to exultation, completeness of spirit (self, ego, what-have-you), and best of all: true contentment. So much good with the bad, but for some reason most people focus on the negative. When a story is exaggerated in a retelling or gossiped about it's focus is on a negative aspect of it most of the time. People seem to more easily remember the bad things you do than the good. A side affect of this is that people start avoiding situations where bad emotions may come up, and so problems remain unresolved and sometimes get worse. They will sit on a problem they have with another person and hope it goes away so they don't need to face that confrontation. Unfortunately usually the subject doesn't realize there is a problem and so the behavior continues and angers the first person all the more, until a fight comes out of nowhere, the friendship starts fading, or at worse self destructs completely. Another side affect is being mean or hurtful to others. It is a pointless exercise. It doesn’t really make you feel better except in a sadistic and cruel way, and there is never an excuse for cruelty.
APPENDIX III: On Faith
A: In a lot of cases those people who feel so strongly that they are in the morally "correct" position invariably seem to also be the most ignorant of their own foundations. This is not true in all the time, but unfortunately in many cases the more "right" and "just" somebody is, the less they actually educate themselves in the subjects they feel so passionately about. Not too mention be overly serious and not seem to have a sense of humor about it. Faith can be a wonderful thing, but blind faith is awful. Those that are very religious seem to not be willing to think for and educate themselves about their faith from an outside point of view. It could be that they are scared, as knowledge often supersedes faith. Aside from that though, why wouldn't one want to delve deeper into their beliefs if they love their faith and their god(s)? Why not know more about the belief system that is going to one day (they hope) save their immortal soul? It's because of this chosen ignorance, this "read only what we tell you to read, and don't think for yourself, believe what we are telling you, and don’t question us" attitude that leads to intolerance of other beliefs, and worse: to hatred.
B: Spirituality, religion, et all should be a personal thing. Believing that you know the will of a higher power just because somebody told you what it was (a priest or what-have-you) is a blindfold to the mind. That anyone could say they know "god’s" will smacks of overwhelming hubris. Being that any higher power is supposed to be well outside and above the realm of man should be by definition incomprehensible by mortals. Whether you follow a priest, preacher, shaman, witch-doctor or anything in between do not let them convince you they know any higher being's will absolutely. They are telling you their interpretation and opinion, nothing more.
DISCLAIMER:
What I have written here is not meant to tell anyone what is ultimately right or wrong. I don't expect anybody to believe something just because I do. If I did I would be quite the hypocrite. I believe what I have written is right, and that it is the proper way to act and be, but I am human too and just as fallible as anyone else. I could be wrong.
Patrick SMC Bailey
Principles of Thought and Action:
First draft 9/9/2003
Last updated 5/19/2008
By Patrick SMC Bailey
1. Everybody is human, and just as fallible as anyone else is. Race, creed, faith, sexual orientation… These are not reasons to dislike or think badly of someone. Nobody is an overall better person than anyone else, just different.
2. There is nothing wrong with being different. Be strong and proud of your differences; don’t be ashamed of them. Others around you will see that you are comfortable with yourself, and will respect your strength and confidence. Those that do not see it you are probably better off not having in your life anyway.
3. Anything anyone could say is his or her opinion, and everybody has the same chance of being correct, even if uninformed. Even “facts” can sometimes not be true, from a certain point of view.
4. Not everyone is created equal. Some people are smarter than others, or more talented, or stronger, and there will always be envy from those who lack on the lesser end. The playing field is not even, and some people have advantages others do not. These abilities do not make a person “better” than another, or more special. They only mean that they excel in something others don’t. Nobody is special in comparison to others when it comes to the compassion or attention they deserve, everybody deserves those in equal measure. If you are a gifted person do not let it go to your head. Those abilities should be used for the betterment of yourself and those around you, not so that you can feel superior to others. If you are not especially talented, smart, etc.; do not feel that you are worth any less. Chances are there are things you can do that the “special” people can’t, you just have to find and develop those strengths. Everyone excels at something. You may see yourself as less than somebody else, but chances are you are “better” than them in some way as well. Do not ever sell yourself short, and never be jealous of others. Look into yourself for happiness instead of looking at others and wishing you had what they have.
5. Let your heart guide you, but use your head for the final decision. Sometimes your emotions will prompt you in to a course of action that is ultimately wrong or hurtful. Always try to think before you act or speak.
6. Do not generalize except in simple ways. Generalization can lead to misunderstanding, prejudice and a retardation of learning. It should only be used when needing to cover a broad concept in conversation, and even then you should make sure your reasons for the generalization are clear to who you are speaking to. (See: 7. Labeling)
7. Labeling is OK, as long as it is only used as a method of communicating a meaning or concept faster, though be careful not to stereotype. Stereotyping is another way that ignorance and laziness in attitude and thought is propagated.
8. Be open and honest. Do not misrepresent yourself. Have the strength to behave the way you feel is right for you. You will find your truest friends only when they truly know you. Otherwise you will never know; do people respect you, or a facade? When you try to be something that you are not, you only fool others half as much as you are fooling yourself.
9. Adapt, but do not conform. Conformity degrades your ability to grow as a person and impedes your ability to reach equilibrium with and an understanding of your world. Adaptation is the key to living within a changing world without changing who you truly are.
10. Follow your responsibilities, keep your promises if at all possible, do not make promises you are not sure you can keep and do not lie unless absolutely necessary. (See: APPENDIX I)
11. Have fun, in any form it takes, as long as it does not impede another’s ability to do the same.
12. Do not let fear or trepidation impede your ability to enjoy life. If you want to do something, but are too scared to act upon it, try to overcome that fear. If you never take that step into the unknown there will always be a part of you wondering what you missed out on. Life should be experienced, not watched as it goes by.
13. Take responsibility for your own happiness; do not force your beliefs on others. If something somebody does or says offends you (and it was unintentional and/or not malevolent in intent), take yourself out it’s presence. Never try to change what another enjoys just because it offends your sensibilities. That is unfair to the other person who has just as much of a right to enjoy it as you do to not enjoy it.
14. If you take responsibility for the upbringing of a child, pay attention to what they are doing, listening to, watching and playing. Do not let others do your job for you, whether they be another parent, friend, family member or even the government. If you find something objectionable take the responsibility upon yourself to govern your child's access to it. Those things have the right to exist as there are people out there that do not find it inappropriate, even if you do. Do not blame anyone else for somebody under your care getting access to something you believe is inappropriate for them. It is your job as a parent, blood relation or otherwise, to care for them. No one else's.
15. Always seek knowledge, be observant, read, and most importantly, never close your mind. You may come to a decision about something, but you may then find information that contradicts your viewpoint. Allowing yourself to be wrong and absorb the new information to come up with a more educated understanding of the subject at hand will make you a more understanding and knowledgeable person.
16. Do not take anyone else’s word on something as the absolute truth. They, like anyone else, could be incorrect. Even if they are in a position of leadership or power it does not make them better able to understand something, it just means that they may have more training or education in the subject that helps to strengthen their viewpoint. This education may be skewed towards their side of the argument though, and shouldn’t be arbitrarily considered balanced. Don’t take anything for granted, research things for yourself, and then make your own decisions.
17. Treat others with the same kindness and respect you would want to be shown yourself. We are all deserving of the same treatment in base form, but if such kindness is rebuked the recipient looses all claims to be treated as you would wish to be treated.
18. Treat others in a way that is an appropriate reaction to how you are treated by them, for good or ill. If somebody does something nice for you, return the favor. If somebody wrongs you, make your displeasure known. Though you must be wise in this; as seeking justice and honor are good, while seeking vengeance is not. Never let an injustice stand, but also do not become what you are fighting against.
19. Always bear in mind that any perceived action against you may have been interpreted by you in a manner in which the originator had not intended or meant. If you feel you have been slighted or wronged try to find the motivations behind the act before reacting yourself. You may find that you misread the situation and there is nothing to be upset over after all.
20. Don’t be malicious, cruel or mean. Even if you feel that another person “deserves” negative treatment it is a truly rare situation that warrants such behavior. If you get the urge to act in an unpleasant manner to someone, stop and ask yourself why. Hurting somebody’s feelings feeds the urge to be hurtful, and only makes you into a bully.
21. Doing something for yourself is strength, but asking for help when needed is not weakness. Never be afraid to ask for help, but do not let it become a crutch. There is a line between knowledge and acceptance of your own limitations, and indolence. Be sure you stay on the right side.
22. Many if not most humans fear the unknown and require faith to absolve that fear, or for a multitude of other reasons they feel that their faith is right for themselves. This is natural and necessary for a lot of people. You may find their type of faith silly, simple minded, or just incorrect and may not respect their viewpoints in and of themselves; but they have the same right to believe in what they do as you have to your own views and ideals. Respect other’s beliefs even if they are not your own, or even if you have no belief system at all.
23. Always look for a positive in any situation, and try to focus on it if at all possible. Problems will not seem so overbearing if you can keep an optimistic outlook.
24. Do not focus on the negative. Life is meant to be lived, but it is finite. There just isn’t time enough to live your life with hatred, misery or despair. Occasional negative emotional releases are healthy and good for your well being, but don’t dwell on them. If you are angry, scared or upset all the time, what’s the point? Let the negative emotions go, and start enjoying yourself.
25. If you cannot see good in your situation or yourself and are slumping into depression, force yourself to do something you enjoy and not think about the source of the negative emotions. It may be hard, and everything inside you may be telling you that you cannot be happy; but that is a lie. You CAN pull yourself out of negative thoughts and self-destructive behavior if you truly try, but it can at times take a supreme effort of will. Find the willpower within and pull yourself out of the depths of depression, and you will be stronger for it. This can be one of the hardest things you will do in your lifetime, but also in contrast one of the most rewarding.
26. If you feel hatred, and no matter what you do you just can’t reconcile the focus of your hate to a peaceful state of mind, try to put it out of your mind for a while. Your time is better spent not actively hating something, if you don’t like it try to have as little to do with it as possible. Eventually if you’re not constantly thinking about why you hate it, the hate itself may start to fade.
27. When speaking try to put the information that you are trying to communicate in a simple and basic form. Use examples of the principles you are trying to convey as necessary. Everybody views another’s words and actions through their own perceptions and ideals, and will most likely not perceive your message in the manner in which you mean it unless you can make it plain. There are few things more frustrating than arguing a point with somebody else but not being able to see past each other’s semantics. Who knows? You may even be in agreement and just not realize it.
28. Trust your partnership. Trust your partner(s). Even when they may do something that arises suspicion in you, talk to them about it rather fretting over the possible implications. Don't snoop into their private business, and understand sometimes people don't always want to be with their partner 100% of the time. Suspicion, mistrust and uncertainty are not things that belong in a relationship, they can lead to many other destructive emotions, such as jealously. If you can't trust them, why stay with them? Do both yourself and them a favor and either choose to trust, or leave.
29. Jealousy is an emotion to avoid. It stems from lack of belief/trust in yourself and/or your partner, or from possessiveness. It is a disruptive emotion that will hurt your own mental and emotional health as well as potentially put a valued relationship at risk. Jealousy means you care more about your own feelings than your partner’s.
30. Possessiveness is also something to avoid. Everyone is their own person, and nobody can own somebody else. To lay claim on a person as “yours” in any other manner than a way to describe that you are in a mutually agreed relationship is wrong. Never lay claim to somebody else, they are not yours. They are their own and nobody else’s. If you are in a relationship it’s not because you own your partner or vice versa; it’s because you both have chosen to be together, and one or both of you can just as easily choose not to be.
31. If you are always looking for people to back stab you, you can't trust others, or you feel that everyone around you is always looking to one-up you; the problem may not be them, but yourself. There are many untrustworthy people in the world, but it is not everyone. People usually assume that others react and have the same values as themselves deep down, so take a step back and look at how you treat others. Do you ever do to others what you are afraid they will do to you? Work on being a trustworthy person yourself and you will attract others to you that are worth trusting.
32. Do not judge others until you have gotten to know them, if you judge them at all. Do not listen or give any weight to other’s perceptions, gossip or hearsay. Make your own judgment based on your own perceptions and feelings. Take note of others’ feelings of the subject at that point, and then assimilate them as needed into your view of the person, if at all.
33. Everything in moderation. If you do something too much, or with too much vigor, eventually the attraction to it wanes. You may even get to a point where there is no joy in what you can provide for yourself any longer. Better to do something occasionally, that way it will remain fresh and exciting and you won’t have to keep looking for new and better ways to entertain yourself.
34. Empathize. If somebody turns to you for comfort or advice try to put yourself into their situation, and then try to look at it from their point of view. Why did they react the way they did? What made them feel the way they do? If you can not only see what you yourself would have done, but also try to understand why they did it their way, you’ll be in a better position to provide the support they need.
35. There are things that are considered inappropriate behavior to all peoples; no matter what moral code they follow. Killing, raping, stealing… these are things that are almost never appropriate to anyone. Rare circumstances may require an act that would normally be considered abhorrent to be preformed, but even then only if it is not done out of anger or maliciousness should it be considered acceptable.
36. Never deny a non-harmful new experience. Try it; if you don’t like it at least you gave it a chance. If somebody else likes it and wants to share the experience with you, you may want to consider trying it again because this time you will also be experiencing it through their eyes, not just your own.
37. Don’t be afraid of confrontation. Avoiding unpleasantness will not make it go away, it will just cause it to grow and be harder to deal with later. If it is a problem with your friend or partner, think to your self, “Is our relationship so fragile that discussing a problem will irrevocably hurt it?” If the answer is yes, you may want to rethink your friendship / partnership, but in most cases you should trust the other to understand.
38. Don’t change your life because of indecision, only decisions. If you put your life on hold because you’re not sure what to do, then you will only find yourself confused and worried about your choices. When a choice, especially a life choice needs to be made, sit down and work it out. Do not procrastinate, but don’t change your behavior or attitude until you make the decision. Then once the decision is made act on it, especially if it concerns another person. Do not wait for them to come to you, take the initiative yourself.
39. People don’t really mean it when they say they want life to be fair. People want life to be fair to them, at their convenience. If you ever feel that life is being unfair to you, put the thought out of your head, and instead work on making your life what you want it to be yourself. Most things will turn out for the best if given enough time and effort; it’s just getting to that point that can be difficult. Never give up.
APPENDIX I: Why shouldn’t you lie?
Well besides the golden rule applying here, (that most people do not like being lied too, and if you do not enjoy being lied to then don’t lie to others) there is also the point that lies often cascade onto themselves. When you tell a lie, you must remember the lie you have told. The more lies you tell the more you must keep track of them in order to not get caught. If you ARE caught you must then lie again if you don’t want the truth to come out. Eventually you build a very shaky house of cards that chances are will eventually come down in a very unpleasant way for you and possibly others. Don’t take the chance in the first place and simply always be honest and you will find that you will be filled with far less stress, have less chance of hurting yourself or others, have more people trust you, and generally be a happier more content person. If you do not want something known, do not volunteer the information. If asked directly say it is a private matter you do not wish to discuss and avoid telling a blatant untruth.
On a side note though, "white lies", when not being used for malicious deceit are acceptable, as long as they are not used so often as to be abusive.
For example, telling a child that the tooth fairy is real, or lying to somebody to hide the surprise waiting for him or her is acceptable. Sneaking out somewhere and then saying you didn’t when directly asked is not, nor is claiming that you did something you did not.
APPENDIX II: Perceptions, Confrontations, and Cruelty
There are a lot of things in our lives that cause extremes in emotions. Whether they are joyful, sad, full of anger or a mix that we can do nothing about but stare blankly ahead; they cause a major impact on our day-to-day lives as well as our relationships with others. Strong negative emotions can lead to war, prejudice, psychodrama, etc… The positive ones can lead to exultation, completeness of spirit (self, ego, what-have-you), and best of all: true contentment. So much good with the bad, but for some reason most people focus on the negative. When a story is exaggerated in a retelling or gossiped about it's focus is on a negative aspect of it most of the time. People seem to more easily remember the bad things you do than the good. A side affect of this is that people start avoiding situations where bad emotions may come up, and so problems remain unresolved and sometimes get worse. They will sit on a problem they have with another person and hope it goes away so they don't need to face that confrontation. Unfortunately usually the subject doesn't realize there is a problem and so the behavior continues and angers the first person all the more, until a fight comes out of nowhere, the friendship starts fading, or at worse self destructs completely. Another side affect is being mean or hurtful to others. It is a pointless exercise. It doesn’t really make you feel better except in a sadistic and cruel way, and there is never an excuse for cruelty.
APPENDIX III: On Faith
A: In a lot of cases those people who feel so strongly that they are in the morally "correct" position invariably seem to also be the most ignorant of their own foundations. This is not true in all the time, but unfortunately in many cases the more "right" and "just" somebody is, the less they actually educate themselves in the subjects they feel so passionately about. Not too mention be overly serious and not seem to have a sense of humor about it. Faith can be a wonderful thing, but blind faith is awful. Those that are very religious seem to not be willing to think for and educate themselves about their faith from an outside point of view. It could be that they are scared, as knowledge often supersedes faith. Aside from that though, why wouldn't one want to delve deeper into their beliefs if they love their faith and their god(s)? Why not know more about the belief system that is going to one day (they hope) save their immortal soul? It's because of this chosen ignorance, this "read only what we tell you to read, and don't think for yourself, believe what we are telling you, and don’t question us" attitude that leads to intolerance of other beliefs, and worse: to hatred.
B: Spirituality, religion, et all should be a personal thing. Believing that you know the will of a higher power just because somebody told you what it was (a priest or what-have-you) is a blindfold to the mind. That anyone could say they know "god’s" will smacks of overwhelming hubris. Being that any higher power is supposed to be well outside and above the realm of man should be by definition incomprehensible by mortals. Whether you follow a priest, preacher, shaman, witch-doctor or anything in between do not let them convince you they know any higher being's will absolutely. They are telling you their interpretation and opinion, nothing more.
DISCLAIMER:
What I have written here is not meant to tell anyone what is ultimately right or wrong. I don't expect anybody to believe something just because I do. If I did I would be quite the hypocrite. I believe what I have written is right, and that it is the proper way to act and be, but I am human too and just as fallible as anyone else. I could be wrong.
Patrick SMC Bailey