Hmmm
I love my friends. I really do. We could do anything together and I'd have a great time. So if everything goes well when I get my result in two weeks and I end up going to Liverpool University I will miss them like crazy. One friend is going to Bristol University hopefully whilst the other is staying on at college for another 2 years to get 2 more A levels (so she'll have 5 in total in English, Maths, Chemistry, Law and Sociology orz) so I won't be able to see them often at all.
Of course I'm petrified of making new friends because I'm sure I'll never be as comfortable around others as I am with them. I have really low self-confidence most of the time and they've helped me get over that. I can look like utter shit around them and still not worry about them judging me.
But I am still so awkward around strangers. I find it really hard to give people I don't know eye contact (unless I'm drunk, then I just spark up random conversations so they think I'm weird either way) and I won't go out of my way to speak to someone I don't know so I'm so worried that people will mistake that for me being rude and ignore me and I'll be a loner >.<. I am a sociable person, I just need time to come out of my shell. I'm sharing my uni accommodation flat with 5 others, 3 boys and 2 girls so I'm worried that they won't like me either haha. I actually won't know what I will do if one of those guys is cute. If I'm being served by a cute cashier I get all embarrassed so I would be 10x worse if I had to live with a cute guy haha.
But there's a school friend I've drifted away from recently. I feel like such a bad friend but I can't stand being around her. She always just seems to have this negative vibe about her. She started skipping school a lot this year and her priorities became her boyfriend, sex, alcohol and smoking so I found it really difficult to relate to her about anything. She was the one that introduced me to J-pop through Final Fantasy and she also liked all the K-pop I shared with her. But she's changed so much over the past 3 years. I've been friends with her for 6 years now so I don't want to throw away such a long term friendship, and I do still care about her but it's got to the point where I have nothing to talk about with her.
I haven't even spoken to her in the last 3 months. She's been staying at her Dad's house which is about 30 mins away and both of my other close friends drive so it wouldn't be hard to see her but each time we ask she just basically ignores us. It frustrates me so much because I feel like she's just thrown her whole future away. She was so gifted academically but she pretty much just threw it all away by not studying and skipping school and now she's happy going to a third-rate university (seriously, it's 100 out of 120 whereas mine is 25 and my friend's is 10) and I just don't even know anymore. I feel so bad about moving away from home without saying goodbye to her but it's got to the point where I don't even know if I care enough anymore :(
I can't believe there's only 11 days until results day. I keep having nightmares about failing. I WANT TO GO TO LIVERPOOL SO BAD! I've fallen in love with it. But I don't even know anymore.
Of course I'm petrified of making new friends because I'm sure I'll never be as comfortable around others as I am with them. I have really low self-confidence most of the time and they've helped me get over that. I can look like utter shit around them and still not worry about them judging me.
But I am still so awkward around strangers. I find it really hard to give people I don't know eye contact (unless I'm drunk, then I just spark up random conversations so they think I'm weird either way) and I won't go out of my way to speak to someone I don't know so I'm so worried that people will mistake that for me being rude and ignore me and I'll be a loner >.<. I am a sociable person, I just need time to come out of my shell. I'm sharing my uni accommodation flat with 5 others, 3 boys and 2 girls so I'm worried that they won't like me either haha. I actually won't know what I will do if one of those guys is cute. If I'm being served by a cute cashier I get all embarrassed so I would be 10x worse if I had to live with a cute guy haha.
But there's a school friend I've drifted away from recently. I feel like such a bad friend but I can't stand being around her. She always just seems to have this negative vibe about her. She started skipping school a lot this year and her priorities became her boyfriend, sex, alcohol and smoking so I found it really difficult to relate to her about anything. She was the one that introduced me to J-pop through Final Fantasy and she also liked all the K-pop I shared with her. But she's changed so much over the past 3 years. I've been friends with her for 6 years now so I don't want to throw away such a long term friendship, and I do still care about her but it's got to the point where I have nothing to talk about with her.
I haven't even spoken to her in the last 3 months. She's been staying at her Dad's house which is about 30 mins away and both of my other close friends drive so it wouldn't be hard to see her but each time we ask she just basically ignores us. It frustrates me so much because I feel like she's just thrown her whole future away. She was so gifted academically but she pretty much just threw it all away by not studying and skipping school and now she's happy going to a third-rate university (seriously, it's 100 out of 120 whereas mine is 25 and my friend's is 10) and I just don't even know anymore. I feel so bad about moving away from home without saying goodbye to her but it's got to the point where I don't even know if I care enough anymore :(
I can't believe there's only 11 days until results day. I keep having nightmares about failing. I WANT TO GO TO LIVERPOOL SO BAD! I've fallen in love with it. But I don't even know anymore.