Another Paradox Resolved...With PIE!!
Here's the thing. Time traveling doesn't want you to be happy.
You'd think differently at the start, of course. You might say to yourself, "Self, Time Traveling is FANTASTIC! Not only did I just take polaroids of the birth of the universe, I also took them on the same roll as my pictures of Beethoven having a dance-off with Elmo! (They bonded over the experience, by the way, and now are in talks for their own television series, either Ludwig 'N Red or Sinfonia Elmoica.)
But it's not all historical events and cosmic phenomena, my friend. Oh no. Because those nasty paradoxes get caught in the gears, and before you know it the universe is ripping itself apart again. You can't do anything that will interfere with being born, because then you couldn't do the interfering that you just did (not having been born and all). And then you can't fall in love with anyone you meet on your travels, because inevitably your partner would end up your great-great-great-etc-grand-something-or-other. Or, even more likely, they're one of those people that have to die so that Dr. Flemming is distracted and accidentally discovers penicillin. Either way, Love in Time=Heartbreak to anyone who isn't Michael J. Fox. And possibly to anyone named Alexander Flemming. (Seriously, how many people have to die before that man takes a weekend off?!?)
The thing is, before you can even START being celibate and devising boots that don't crush historically vital butterflies, you have to invent your time machine. And you can't use it to change anything in your past. Because, as we learned from the Time Machine Movie, by resolving the reason for the creation of your time-machine, you would no longer have need to create the time machine.
...which once again leads to the two-piers phenomena.
So, I have decided to build a time machine...in order to eat a pie that was baked ten years ago. That way, as long as I expend all my efforts to stop my earlier self from eating that delicious Raspberry Rhubarb pie, then I will be able to travel the streams of time with impuny.
But...you know...it really looked so delicious...
Tell ya what, if I end up destroying the universe for the ephemeral joy of forbidden pie, I'll set you up on a blind date with a lovely caveperson who just so happens to have the same last name as you...
Seeya, Time Cowboys!
You'd think differently at the start, of course. You might say to yourself, "Self, Time Traveling is FANTASTIC! Not only did I just take polaroids of the birth of the universe, I also took them on the same roll as my pictures of Beethoven having a dance-off with Elmo! (They bonded over the experience, by the way, and now are in talks for their own television series, either Ludwig 'N Red or Sinfonia Elmoica.)
But it's not all historical events and cosmic phenomena, my friend. Oh no. Because those nasty paradoxes get caught in the gears, and before you know it the universe is ripping itself apart again. You can't do anything that will interfere with being born, because then you couldn't do the interfering that you just did (not having been born and all). And then you can't fall in love with anyone you meet on your travels, because inevitably your partner would end up your great-great-great-etc-grand-something-or-other. Or, even more likely, they're one of those people that have to die so that Dr. Flemming is distracted and accidentally discovers penicillin. Either way, Love in Time=Heartbreak to anyone who isn't Michael J. Fox. And possibly to anyone named Alexander Flemming. (Seriously, how many people have to die before that man takes a weekend off?!?)
The thing is, before you can even START being celibate and devising boots that don't crush historically vital butterflies, you have to invent your time machine. And you can't use it to change anything in your past. Because, as we learned from the Time Machine Movie, by resolving the reason for the creation of your time-machine, you would no longer have need to create the time machine.
...which once again leads to the two-piers phenomena.
So, I have decided to build a time machine...in order to eat a pie that was baked ten years ago. That way, as long as I expend all my efforts to stop my earlier self from eating that delicious Raspberry Rhubarb pie, then I will be able to travel the streams of time with impuny.
But...you know...it really looked so delicious...
Tell ya what, if I end up destroying the universe for the ephemeral joy of forbidden pie, I'll set you up on a blind date with a lovely caveperson who just so happens to have the same last name as you...
Seeya, Time Cowboys!