Guess What I Did Last Night...
...What, NO! That's not even legal here on the Prairies! (And frankly, that's saying something...)
What I may have actually done was break my pinky toe! Go Team Spaz! Go Team Spaz!
Ya see, yesterday I was stumbling around the basement, trying to print out my PR project. Suddenly and without warning, some malicious imps moved my runner so that I tripped over it. With the grace of a thousand walruses I started to fall. I seemed doomed to plummet onto the extremely soft carpeting with no ill effect.
This option did not seem to work for my body. Perhaps remembering what happened the last time gravity worked, my body wrenched itself in the opposite direction in an attempt to stay upright. This led to my foot attempting to punch through the treadmill. And while it was a noble and crunchy effort, righty failed in his quest. I hopped painfully back to bed, and promptly forgot all about it.
This morning I was in my usual ante meridiam state (99.9% asleep) and didn't think to check for damage. While my foot was a little sore if I swung it around, for the most part I ignored it in favour of figuring out whether or not it was too late to start watching Prison Break in French (their voice actors don't suck! Le whoa!)
But when I got into my relaxy clothes after school, I noticed something. My pinky toe was, well, VERY dark pinky. Actually, it was more of a swollen, reddish, mottled purple. I poked it, and there was no numbness or tingling, there was manageable pain, and I was able to attain a full range of motion with it. Convinced that it was in no immediate danger of falling off, I did what any responsible, mature, dignified person would do.
I took pictures, and proceeded to thrust it in the face of any familial passerby asking if they wanted to see my beat-up little piggy. (Final tally: 3 yes, 1 OH GOD NO KEEP YOUR PETRIFYING PHALANGES AWAY FROM ME!)
So now I am imagining what it would look like on my chart if I were to drag myself to emerg to get it wrapped. Prolly something along the lines of "Shoe-induced vertigo compensation injury resulting in impact with torture implement". It would go along great with my former entries of "Burst blood vessel due to kicking a knee with excessive force" and "Fractured radius due to Rubber Chicken"*
Hn, tempting as that is, I think I will take the lazy route and sleep instead. But I'm warning you, Pinky. No falling off in the middle of the night, lest I dispatch your brother to join you! (Symmetry can be such a bitch to maintain...)
And now that we've taken care of the threats against my appendages, I shall limp off into the night.
See ya, Space Cowboys!
*By the by, these are actual entries in my medical file, due to a kickboxing incident and capture the flag mishap. I always get very interesting looks when I visit a new doctor ;D
What I may have actually done was break my pinky toe! Go Team Spaz! Go Team Spaz!
Ya see, yesterday I was stumbling around the basement, trying to print out my PR project. Suddenly and without warning, some malicious imps moved my runner so that I tripped over it. With the grace of a thousand walruses I started to fall. I seemed doomed to plummet onto the extremely soft carpeting with no ill effect.
This option did not seem to work for my body. Perhaps remembering what happened the last time gravity worked, my body wrenched itself in the opposite direction in an attempt to stay upright. This led to my foot attempting to punch through the treadmill. And while it was a noble and crunchy effort, righty failed in his quest. I hopped painfully back to bed, and promptly forgot all about it.
This morning I was in my usual ante meridiam state (99.9% asleep) and didn't think to check for damage. While my foot was a little sore if I swung it around, for the most part I ignored it in favour of figuring out whether or not it was too late to start watching Prison Break in French (their voice actors don't suck! Le whoa!)
But when I got into my relaxy clothes after school, I noticed something. My pinky toe was, well, VERY dark pinky. Actually, it was more of a swollen, reddish, mottled purple. I poked it, and there was no numbness or tingling, there was manageable pain, and I was able to attain a full range of motion with it. Convinced that it was in no immediate danger of falling off, I did what any responsible, mature, dignified person would do.
I took pictures, and proceeded to thrust it in the face of any familial passerby asking if they wanted to see my beat-up little piggy. (Final tally: 3 yes, 1 OH GOD NO KEEP YOUR PETRIFYING PHALANGES AWAY FROM ME!)
So now I am imagining what it would look like on my chart if I were to drag myself to emerg to get it wrapped. Prolly something along the lines of "Shoe-induced vertigo compensation injury resulting in impact with torture implement". It would go along great with my former entries of "Burst blood vessel due to kicking a knee with excessive force" and "Fractured radius due to Rubber Chicken"*
Hn, tempting as that is, I think I will take the lazy route and sleep instead. But I'm warning you, Pinky. No falling off in the middle of the night, lest I dispatch your brother to join you! (Symmetry can be such a bitch to maintain...)
And now that we've taken care of the threats against my appendages, I shall limp off into the night.
See ya, Space Cowboys!
*By the by, these are actual entries in my medical file, due to a kickboxing incident and capture the flag mishap. I always get very interesting looks when I visit a new doctor ;D