I Thought I MIght
I would like to be able to express myself coherently. Yet i feel like i'm stuck in a position where everything i say will come out as rambling, indirect accusations at no one in particular and many people in general. I feel nauseated.
I still can't shake the feeling that she would have been better off if she'd never met me. That may seem really juvenile, but i get that feeling a lot. I worry that, if she hasn't been herself the entire time she's known me, that she won't like me now that she's going back. I miss being something she desires, something she would want others to see. There's this sad little part of me that feels affirmed, like i could only have ever been a phase. This is more upsetting than it should be, because that voice is always there, and i've learned not to listen. At least, i thought i had.
Maybe i've been going about this wrong all along.
This seems like i'm trying to drag her out, but i've said it all to her already. She already knows, and i'm pretty sure it came out even less articulately the last time. I just can't keep this feeling down.
I still feel nauseated.
Sleep.
I still can't shake the feeling that she would have been better off if she'd never met me. That may seem really juvenile, but i get that feeling a lot. I worry that, if she hasn't been herself the entire time she's known me, that she won't like me now that she's going back. I miss being something she desires, something she would want others to see. There's this sad little part of me that feels affirmed, like i could only have ever been a phase. This is more upsetting than it should be, because that voice is always there, and i've learned not to listen. At least, i thought i had.
Maybe i've been going about this wrong all along.
This seems like i'm trying to drag her out, but i've said it all to her already. She already knows, and i'm pretty sure it came out even less articulately the last time. I just can't keep this feeling down.
I still feel nauseated.
Sleep.