Don't Negate It
My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago. It hurt, and i was angry. It wasn't wrong of me to be angry with him, wasn't shallow, but i never really expressed it in any outward way.
I've seen him a few times since then, and it's like hanging out with a bipolar puppy. Sometimes you have a great time, it's all fun and well and you go home more or less fine. Other times, you go home wounded, bleeding, and you can't be mad cause it's a fucking puppy....
Two days ago, i found out through the wonders of facebook that he is dating someone. At first this sent me into a characteristic spiral of /angry/ and hurt and wanting to punch him or someone like him very hard somewhere very sensitive.
You know how they say you can't get better over night?
Yeah, that's a lie.
Because i went to bed. And i tossed and turned and was so unbelievably confused, overwhelmed by what this meant about the relationship we had...
and then it just didn't matter anymore.
Even now. Even when i've had my twenty four hours to swing back the other way.... it still doesn't matter. Because we had time. And if i'm not smart enough, or pretty enough, or if it just wasn't supposed to happen, that's okay. I don't want to know what was a lie, what was true, i've got no more drive for revealing anything. It doesn't matter if he never feels bad.
I'm here
And i'm fine.
And i'll move on, when someone to move on with pops by. Untill then, this is my hurrah. This is my place in the sun.
I've seen him a few times since then, and it's like hanging out with a bipolar puppy. Sometimes you have a great time, it's all fun and well and you go home more or less fine. Other times, you go home wounded, bleeding, and you can't be mad cause it's a fucking puppy....
Two days ago, i found out through the wonders of facebook that he is dating someone. At first this sent me into a characteristic spiral of /angry/ and hurt and wanting to punch him or someone like him very hard somewhere very sensitive.
You know how they say you can't get better over night?
Yeah, that's a lie.
Because i went to bed. And i tossed and turned and was so unbelievably confused, overwhelmed by what this meant about the relationship we had...
and then it just didn't matter anymore.
Even now. Even when i've had my twenty four hours to swing back the other way.... it still doesn't matter. Because we had time. And if i'm not smart enough, or pretty enough, or if it just wasn't supposed to happen, that's okay. I don't want to know what was a lie, what was true, i've got no more drive for revealing anything. It doesn't matter if he never feels bad.
I'm here
And i'm fine.
And i'll move on, when someone to move on with pops by. Untill then, this is my hurrah. This is my place in the sun.