Panic
How long. How long can i keep this up for? How long.
I keep fragmenting it. I take what i need and use it and just push the rest of it away, away into that closet in the back of my mind. I let the other girl in my head play with it and mold it and try to make something more of it but it doesn't really work like that.
I can feel it creeping up on me. And just like every time before i worry that i won't be able to stop it. I want to scream and cry and hurt myself because i can't stop. I am so futile, and i want to fix everything. I want everyone to love me. I want to be loved and amazed and wonderful and THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I know it.
The part of me that fronts my life knows that i'm not in a place for being in love. I'm not able to manage.
But it's so broken.
When did it all get so broken?
I keep fragmenting it. I take what i need and use it and just push the rest of it away, away into that closet in the back of my mind. I let the other girl in my head play with it and mold it and try to make something more of it but it doesn't really work like that.
I can feel it creeping up on me. And just like every time before i worry that i won't be able to stop it. I want to scream and cry and hurt myself because i can't stop. I am so futile, and i want to fix everything. I want everyone to love me. I want to be loved and amazed and wonderful and THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I know it.
The part of me that fronts my life knows that i'm not in a place for being in love. I'm not able to manage.
But it's so broken.
When did it all get so broken?