Ingleside [Early October, 1916]
The fierce flame of agony had burned itself out and the grey dust of its ashes was over all the world. Rilla's younger life recovered physically sooner than her mother. For weeks Mrs. Blythe lay ill from grief and shock. Rilla found it was possible to go on with existence, since existence had still to be reckoned with. There was work to be done, for Susan could not do all. For her mother's sake she had to put on calmness and endurance as a garment in the day; but night after night she lay in her bed, weeping the bitter rebellious tears of youth until at last tears were all wept out and the little patient ache that was to be in her heart until she died took their place.
She clung to Miss Oliver, who knew what to say and what not to say. So few people did. Kind, well-meaning callers and comforters gave Rilla some terrible moments.
"You'll get over it in time," Mrs. William Reese said cheerfully. Mrs. Reese had three stalwart sons, not one of whom had gone to the front.
"It's such a blessing it was Walter who was taken and not Jem," said Miss Sarah Clow. "Walter was a member of the church, and Jem wasn't. I've told Mr. Meredith many a time that he should have spoken seriously to Jem about it before he went away."
"Pore, pore Walter," sighed Mrs. Reese.
"Do not you come here calling him poor Walter," said Susan indignantly, appearing in the kitchen door, much to the relief of Rilla, who felt that she could endure no more just then. "He was not poor. He was richer than any of you. It is you who stay at home and will not let your sons go who are poor-poor and naked and mean and small-pisen poor, and so are your sons, with all their prosperous farms and fat cattle and their souls no bigger than a flea's-if as big."
"I came here to comfort the afflicted and not to be insulted," said Mrs. Reese, taking her departure, unregretted by anyone. Then the fire went out of Susan and she retreated to her kitchen, laid her head on the table and wept bitterly for a time. Then she went to work and ironed Jims's little rompers. Rilla scolded her gently for it when she herself came in to do it.
"I am not going to have you kill yourself working for any war-baby," Susan said obstinately.
"Oh, I wish I could just keep on working all the time, Susan," cried poor Rilla. "And I wish I didn't have to go to sleep. It is hideous to go to sleep and forget it for a little while, and wake up and have it all rush over me anew the next morning. Do people ever get used to things like this, Susan? And oh, Susan, I can't get away from what Mrs. Reese said. Did Walter suffer much-he was always so sensitive to pain. Oh, Susan, if I knew that he didn't I think I could gather up a little courage and strength."
"Maybe there'll be a letter back at that school of yours," Susan offered. "Are you planning to finish out the term at least?"
"I don't know if I can leave Mother right now," Rilla said fretfully.
"Nonsense," Susan replied. "Your mother is made of tougher mettle than this. She'll recover in time, and you sitting around here when you could be somewhere else--" without the terrible callers, Susan didn't say, "--is a waste of the money your father spent for your tuition fees. Come back for Christmas and you and your parents can make permanent arrangements then."
"I feel like I'm being chased off," Rilla said, slanting her eyes at Susan.
"Not at all," Susan said, "but you do need a change of scene. Everything here reminds you so starkly of that dear boy. No girl of your age should have to endure the weight of this sort of grief."
"I'm far from the only one who has," Rilla pointed out gently. "The Somme is costing us dearly."
"You have a way out," Susan countered. "We'll ring for Nan and Di to come home and visit. Your parents won't be alone."
Rilla sighed. "Very well. I'll ring for a ticket."
[OOC: Adapted from Rilla of Ingleside. NFB, NFI.]
She clung to Miss Oliver, who knew what to say and what not to say. So few people did. Kind, well-meaning callers and comforters gave Rilla some terrible moments.
"You'll get over it in time," Mrs. William Reese said cheerfully. Mrs. Reese had three stalwart sons, not one of whom had gone to the front.
"It's such a blessing it was Walter who was taken and not Jem," said Miss Sarah Clow. "Walter was a member of the church, and Jem wasn't. I've told Mr. Meredith many a time that he should have spoken seriously to Jem about it before he went away."
"Pore, pore Walter," sighed Mrs. Reese.
"Do not you come here calling him poor Walter," said Susan indignantly, appearing in the kitchen door, much to the relief of Rilla, who felt that she could endure no more just then. "He was not poor. He was richer than any of you. It is you who stay at home and will not let your sons go who are poor-poor and naked and mean and small-pisen poor, and so are your sons, with all their prosperous farms and fat cattle and their souls no bigger than a flea's-if as big."
"I came here to comfort the afflicted and not to be insulted," said Mrs. Reese, taking her departure, unregretted by anyone. Then the fire went out of Susan and she retreated to her kitchen, laid her head on the table and wept bitterly for a time. Then she went to work and ironed Jims's little rompers. Rilla scolded her gently for it when she herself came in to do it.
"I am not going to have you kill yourself working for any war-baby," Susan said obstinately.
"Oh, I wish I could just keep on working all the time, Susan," cried poor Rilla. "And I wish I didn't have to go to sleep. It is hideous to go to sleep and forget it for a little while, and wake up and have it all rush over me anew the next morning. Do people ever get used to things like this, Susan? And oh, Susan, I can't get away from what Mrs. Reese said. Did Walter suffer much-he was always so sensitive to pain. Oh, Susan, if I knew that he didn't I think I could gather up a little courage and strength."
"Maybe there'll be a letter back at that school of yours," Susan offered. "Are you planning to finish out the term at least?"
"I don't know if I can leave Mother right now," Rilla said fretfully.
"Nonsense," Susan replied. "Your mother is made of tougher mettle than this. She'll recover in time, and you sitting around here when you could be somewhere else--" without the terrible callers, Susan didn't say, "--is a waste of the money your father spent for your tuition fees. Come back for Christmas and you and your parents can make permanent arrangements then."
"I feel like I'm being chased off," Rilla said, slanting her eyes at Susan.
"Not at all," Susan said, "but you do need a change of scene. Everything here reminds you so starkly of that dear boy. No girl of your age should have to endure the weight of this sort of grief."
"I'm far from the only one who has," Rilla pointed out gently. "The Somme is costing us dearly."
"You have a way out," Susan countered. "We'll ring for Nan and Di to come home and visit. Your parents won't be alone."
Rilla sighed. "Very well. I'll ring for a ticket."
[OOC: Adapted from Rilla of Ingleside. NFB, NFI.]