A letter to my son...
Dear Jonathan,
I love you more than you will ever comprehend. I loved you when you were bad when you were little, I loved you when you caused me all kinds of horrible trouble, I love you still. I will always love you.
I am so proud of your accomplishments in Scouting, music, drama and sports. See? I listed sports last. You are not JUST an athlete to me...far from it. You are EVERYTHING to me, my Eagle Scout (when that project is done ;)), My actor, my bandleader/director/drum major/head honcho! You are my friend and confidant too.
We've been so close your whole life...We talked about everything, I treasure that. You've never been afraid to talk with me about anything and I pray that never changes....or I should say prayed that would never change.
But over the past month it's like I don't know you. You hold so much in now and have backtracked on so many things that you committed to doing. I'm lost...I don't think you trust me anymore or my advice and that wounds me to the very core. I've never lied to you, Son. Not through cancer, chemo, the death of loved ones...never. I'm not lying to you now.
I only want what is best for you and wish you would believe me. I'd never lead you astray. I have lived nearly 42 years, and I survived High School...maybe just barely...but I did. I was not a popular girl...I was just someone on the sidelines observing. That is why I've tried to steer you clear of the pitfalls that I fell in, and those I watched others succumb to.
Do you remember what you looked like in the eight grade? Remember how people treated you on the trip to Washington, DC? Remember how Elliott called you fat and shoved you out of the way when I was trying to take your picture?...Yeah, me too. That is why when it was time for you to start high school I worked so hard to get you to play a sport, become part of a well respected team- to build your confidence ( you've always lacked confidence in yourself until now...I am pleased with your progress), to change your image as the dumpy little fat kid that loved video games, and to make your way easier than mine was when I started high school.
I was bullied and tormented my freshman year, to the point of being afraid to go to class. But I never told anyone and just withdrew further so that no one would notice me and make me a target. I was the definition of a "Nobody" in high school. I was not popular, I didn't run with the popular crowd, I wasn't good looking...I just was.
So when it came your turn to go to high school, I was determined you were not going to suffer like I did....Look at you. You look awesome now. You took the challenge and without ever having been any sort of athlete, you went out for JV football. It was a struggle, I know that. It was incredibly hard...but you did it. You lost weight, gained confidence and became part of a team. You finally had people that had your back...outside of me and your little brother...but then we are always on your side.
I know you didn't play much...far too little for my taste...but I thrilled to every time you took that field with your teammates. I thought you were the most handsome, most talented player there...("MY BABY PLAYS THE FOOSEBALL!!!!"). I wore the button with your picture with pride. Loved to hear the others calling you "Swamp Fox", I couldn't have been prouder. The teams record wasn't that great either year. But you were a Champion to me. I couldn't be prouder.
Now, you are on the threshold of seeing two years in JV pay off. It's like having a winning lottery ticket, maybe not for the jackpot, but still for a goodly amount of money, and never walking up to the counter to cash it in...I dreamed of walking across the field with you on Senior Night, busting my buttons and smiling a megawatt smile. "This hunk in the blue uniform is MY SON...everyone out there eat your heart out!"
Forgive me son, but I want to see how this would play out. I want to see #67 take the field aagin. I want to hear people shouting "That was Swampie!! Oh My God! That was Swampie!!!" again. Don't you?
Years from now, I guarantee that you will wonder what it would be like to have been a Varsity Football Player and a Marching Band member. You have been offered a unique and special gift...don't turn your back on it. I promise, it will be the thing of "Glory Days" when you are my age. Just give it a chance...LIVE!!! See what happens...(Just don't let you grades suffer...remember they don't give tutors to band members...I SHOULD KNOW!)
With all my love,
Mom
I love you more than you will ever comprehend. I loved you when you were bad when you were little, I loved you when you caused me all kinds of horrible trouble, I love you still. I will always love you.
I am so proud of your accomplishments in Scouting, music, drama and sports. See? I listed sports last. You are not JUST an athlete to me...far from it. You are EVERYTHING to me, my Eagle Scout (when that project is done ;)), My actor, my bandleader/director/drum major/head honcho! You are my friend and confidant too.
We've been so close your whole life...We talked about everything, I treasure that. You've never been afraid to talk with me about anything and I pray that never changes....or I should say prayed that would never change.
But over the past month it's like I don't know you. You hold so much in now and have backtracked on so many things that you committed to doing. I'm lost...I don't think you trust me anymore or my advice and that wounds me to the very core. I've never lied to you, Son. Not through cancer, chemo, the death of loved ones...never. I'm not lying to you now.
I only want what is best for you and wish you would believe me. I'd never lead you astray. I have lived nearly 42 years, and I survived High School...maybe just barely...but I did. I was not a popular girl...I was just someone on the sidelines observing. That is why I've tried to steer you clear of the pitfalls that I fell in, and those I watched others succumb to.
Do you remember what you looked like in the eight grade? Remember how people treated you on the trip to Washington, DC? Remember how Elliott called you fat and shoved you out of the way when I was trying to take your picture?...Yeah, me too. That is why when it was time for you to start high school I worked so hard to get you to play a sport, become part of a well respected team- to build your confidence ( you've always lacked confidence in yourself until now...I am pleased with your progress), to change your image as the dumpy little fat kid that loved video games, and to make your way easier than mine was when I started high school.
I was bullied and tormented my freshman year, to the point of being afraid to go to class. But I never told anyone and just withdrew further so that no one would notice me and make me a target. I was the definition of a "Nobody" in high school. I was not popular, I didn't run with the popular crowd, I wasn't good looking...I just was.
So when it came your turn to go to high school, I was determined you were not going to suffer like I did....Look at you. You look awesome now. You took the challenge and without ever having been any sort of athlete, you went out for JV football. It was a struggle, I know that. It was incredibly hard...but you did it. You lost weight, gained confidence and became part of a team. You finally had people that had your back...outside of me and your little brother...but then we are always on your side.
I know you didn't play much...far too little for my taste...but I thrilled to every time you took that field with your teammates. I thought you were the most handsome, most talented player there...("MY BABY PLAYS THE FOOSEBALL!!!!"). I wore the button with your picture with pride. Loved to hear the others calling you "Swamp Fox", I couldn't have been prouder. The teams record wasn't that great either year. But you were a Champion to me. I couldn't be prouder.
Now, you are on the threshold of seeing two years in JV pay off. It's like having a winning lottery ticket, maybe not for the jackpot, but still for a goodly amount of money, and never walking up to the counter to cash it in...I dreamed of walking across the field with you on Senior Night, busting my buttons and smiling a megawatt smile. "This hunk in the blue uniform is MY SON...everyone out there eat your heart out!"
Forgive me son, but I want to see how this would play out. I want to see #67 take the field aagin. I want to hear people shouting "That was Swampie!! Oh My God! That was Swampie!!!" again. Don't you?
Years from now, I guarantee that you will wonder what it would be like to have been a Varsity Football Player and a Marching Band member. You have been offered a unique and special gift...don't turn your back on it. I promise, it will be the thing of "Glory Days" when you are my age. Just give it a chance...LIVE!!! See what happens...(Just don't let you grades suffer...remember they don't give tutors to band members...I SHOULD KNOW!)
With all my love,
Mom