Sometimes I'm amazed at fictionalized my posts get sometimes. not that this is fictionalized a bit
Actually, looking over my posts, I wish MORE were ficitonalized. Life would be much more tranquil. but then again, I suppose these are the moments that make us unique. Always a silver lining.
I wanted to be a doctor. More precisely, I wanted to be a mixture of Jack from Lost and J.D. and Dr. Cox from Scrubs. This of course would make my "Doctor" name "Jack D. Cox". AND HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?
However, I found the classes painfully dull. Over 200 of us packed into an darkened auditorium with lights only on the podium the professor stood on and we sat, crammed together for over an hour to learn about microtubulars in the cell. And we did this several times a day.
Unfortunately, due to advances in laser technology, it was impossible to skip and not be noticed. And each time you skipped, your grade suffered. To add insult to injury, the professors also had T.A.'s circling the cramped room like crows on corpses, kicking out anyone who fell asleep, spoke, or looked like they were enjoying themselves. Because, honestly, anyone actually ENJOYING a lecture on Argon was clearly either reading a book unrelated to the material, doodling in their notebook, or giving either themselves or the person next them a handjob. Because that's what we college kids DO. We doodle. A lot. With Strangers. Especially when you have MY doctor name.
Being required to attend class and closely monitered to ensure that I did not enjoy them or those around me, I had to create a fail-safe tactic of staying awake. Some method that would ensure I could stay awake despite any circumstance. Something truly genius. And now I will present it to you as a gift for reading: keep water in your mouth.
Do not let yourself swallow, swish, or gurgle. Just hold a mouthful of water in there. And if you begin to fall asleep, your head will tilt forward and you will pour the water on your pants. And there is nothing like sitting in the middle of a cramped room, starring sleepily at your freshly soaked crotch, and when your inquisitive neighbors look from the puddle in your lap to you, having to explain to them sheepishly, "It happened again. It happens every time I fall asleep."
Twenty-one years old, studying to be a doctor, attempting to get accepted into a moderatly prestigious medical school, and everyone in the room thinks you made in your pants.
This method worked well for me; at least it used to. Till the day I coughed. Sitting in the darkened and cramped classroom, trying to pay attention to a slide on stoichiometry, with my mouth full of water, I suddenly was hit with a coughing fit. A forcful, projectile coughing fit. It was like a grenade going off over the heads of everyone in front of me. A sprinkler system on the frtiz, hitting a water balloon with a baseball bat, all the water exploded out of my mouth. Everyone got some. Every head turned, sickened that they just got a bit of my internal muccus in their hair.
What do you do then? Dozens of pairs of eyes are on you like you're the most gruesome thing on the planet. Seriously, how disgusting is that? They knew I coughed and that something distinctly WET hit the back of their head. For all intents and purposes, it didn't matter if it was snot or not. Something WET from my coughing mouth hit their HEAD and was lodged in their HAIR.
Sitting there, glared at by so many, I could only do one thing: I began to laugh uncontrollably. I chortled with unembarrassed amusement for what must have been days. I cried with laughter. I practically fell on the floor. Then, after collecting myself, still giggling, I gathered my books, stood up, waved goodbye to the class, walked out for the last time, and thought became an English major.
I wanted to be a doctor. More precisely, I wanted to be a mixture of Jack from Lost and J.D. and Dr. Cox from Scrubs. This of course would make my "Doctor" name "Jack D. Cox". AND HOW AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?
However, I found the classes painfully dull. Over 200 of us packed into an darkened auditorium with lights only on the podium the professor stood on and we sat, crammed together for over an hour to learn about microtubulars in the cell. And we did this several times a day.
Unfortunately, due to advances in laser technology, it was impossible to skip and not be noticed. And each time you skipped, your grade suffered. To add insult to injury, the professors also had T.A.'s circling the cramped room like crows on corpses, kicking out anyone who fell asleep, spoke, or looked like they were enjoying themselves. Because, honestly, anyone actually ENJOYING a lecture on Argon was clearly either reading a book unrelated to the material, doodling in their notebook, or giving either themselves or the person next them a handjob. Because that's what we college kids DO. We doodle. A lot. With Strangers. Especially when you have MY doctor name.
Being required to attend class and closely monitered to ensure that I did not enjoy them or those around me, I had to create a fail-safe tactic of staying awake. Some method that would ensure I could stay awake despite any circumstance. Something truly genius. And now I will present it to you as a gift for reading: keep water in your mouth.
Do not let yourself swallow, swish, or gurgle. Just hold a mouthful of water in there. And if you begin to fall asleep, your head will tilt forward and you will pour the water on your pants. And there is nothing like sitting in the middle of a cramped room, starring sleepily at your freshly soaked crotch, and when your inquisitive neighbors look from the puddle in your lap to you, having to explain to them sheepishly, "It happened again. It happens every time I fall asleep."
Twenty-one years old, studying to be a doctor, attempting to get accepted into a moderatly prestigious medical school, and everyone in the room thinks you made in your pants.
This method worked well for me; at least it used to. Till the day I coughed. Sitting in the darkened and cramped classroom, trying to pay attention to a slide on stoichiometry, with my mouth full of water, I suddenly was hit with a coughing fit. A forcful, projectile coughing fit. It was like a grenade going off over the heads of everyone in front of me. A sprinkler system on the frtiz, hitting a water balloon with a baseball bat, all the water exploded out of my mouth. Everyone got some. Every head turned, sickened that they just got a bit of my internal muccus in their hair.
What do you do then? Dozens of pairs of eyes are on you like you're the most gruesome thing on the planet. Seriously, how disgusting is that? They knew I coughed and that something distinctly WET hit the back of their head. For all intents and purposes, it didn't matter if it was snot or not. Something WET from my coughing mouth hit their HEAD and was lodged in their HAIR.
Sitting there, glared at by so many, I could only do one thing: I began to laugh uncontrollably. I chortled with unembarrassed amusement for what must have been days. I cried with laughter. I practically fell on the floor. Then, after collecting myself, still giggling, I gathered my books, stood up, waved goodbye to the class, walked out for the last time, and thought became an English major.