This is how I feel. How do you feel?
Let’s talk about the symbolism of cheesecake. It’s been a long week, and I didn’t sleep very much last night, and I’m feeling a little loopy. Okay, so, cheesecake. I’ll just start there, and maybe work up to the part where I just totally lose it emotionally.
I’m a little fuzzy on why Ann went to talk to Ben, exactly what she was trying to achieve there. It seemed that Leslie had agreed to give Ben what he was asking for and Ann was in support of that. But going to Ben and saying basically You really need to talk to Leslie about the fact that she has agreed not to talk to you anymore is a little … well it didn’t seem to be quite what Ann was doing in that scene. It seemed like she was hoping Ben and Leslie would reach some sort of truce in which Leslie was no longer running up Ann’s texting bill. Or like, she supported Leslie in leaving Ben alone, but she was also hoping Ben wouldn’t actually make Leslie leave him alone. Okay that sounds good; I’m going to go with that.
But anyway, cheesecake. Ann ate a whole cheesecake for Leslie. Why? Because she’d eat ten cheesecakes for Leslie. That much cheesecake might make you a little queasy at times, but it’s amazing and delicious, and it cares a lot about you. That cheesecake has many redeeming qualities. You do not just throw that cheesecake away. Am I right, I mean, am I right?
Good lord. Half-baked cheesecakey metaphors aside, this was a really good conversation for Ann and Ben to have. They both love Leslie, and they’ve both experienced Leslie. But they both still love Leslie. She is flawed, but her flaws are the flipside of some of the most wonderful parts of her personality. She is passionate. She is tenacious. She is … yeah, a bit of a steamroller. But usually in a good way. And Ben loves that about her, but he’s been broken up from her for a while, and one of the stock survival strategies of a breakup is to focus on the person’s flaws. It’s been hard for Ben and Leslie, because they didn’t break up because of any failing in the relationship. But stressful situations exacerbate our worst qualities, so Leslie’s less considerate tendencies were magnified, at the same time Ben’s self-preservation instincts were looking for ways to distance himself. So Ann’s little impromptu cheesecake anecdote served a purpose. It helped him remember how much he appreciates intense Leslie. And the look on his face when Ann was scrolling through her texts looked like, in spite of all the hurt, he seemed to appreciate that some of that intensity was directed at him.
The thing that fascinates me is that of all the ways the writers could have handled this breakup, they chose this one. The breakup wasn’t about these two people’s flaws. Nothing had gone wrong in their relationship yet-they hadn’t been together long enough. But being broken up turned out to be all about their flaws. That’s a shockingly realistic route for a sitcom to go-I sort of dreaded the sitcom-type solutions one would expect, that Chris would suddenly change his rule, or whatever, and it would be more, I don’t know, bureaucratic and less emotionally satisfying. But for as much as they didn’t want to break up, the breakup actually ended up being hurtful. Even with Ben’s full support, Leslie chose something over him-he was not her priority in that moment, and as much as a person like Ben can understand that intellectually, how do you not be hurt by that too? And from his point of view, the breakup didn’t seem to faze her much. On the other side, Ben didn’t fight for Leslie, and then he didn’t even want to be around her. That’s hurtful too. They had different ways of dealing, and there was no middle ground. So we got a storyline that was less about them being perfect for each other and more about them being vulnerable and messy and human.
Take a moment and consider how well the writers planned this story arc, too, and how fair it’s been to its characters: we’ve seen Leslie on overdrive-not just regarding Ben, but in general, the way she ordered everyone to drop everything to help her in Born and Raised, the oblivious way she treated Ann in Pawnee Goddess. But it was always balanced by seeing the bountiful fruits of her passion and enthusiasm. And it was further balanced by (probably deliberate) storylines about her friendships. She is sometimes inconsiderate, but she is always caring. And then Ben: we saw him be wishy-washy, childish, and downright cold at moments. But we also got a whole plotline explaining how and why Ben deals with conflict. So not only were the reasons behind his unhappiness clear, but his ways for dealing with it were-if not impeccable, at least understandable. There was some nice groundwork to build this conflict on.
They also seemed to make clear there was more to the story than we saw. There's only so much they can fit in a sitcom, but they did a nice job at hinting that this conflict wasn't limited to the few scenes we got on screen. Leslie said she's been doing this since they broke up ... last spring, that's four or five months. And it's escalating to the point of her trying to purposely contrive conflict to keep him on this project--and I understand why, but it was truly awful behavior this week. The scene after the protest was so hard to watch, with Ben being harsh on Leslie (really wish he hadn't cut the ribbon), but wow. It seems like he'd have to be inhuman not to snap in some way at that point. (Although I do like to think that he spent plenty of time apologizing that night, in between confessions of feelings and bonding over how their respective parents screwed them up and all the makeup sex and cuddling and the rest.)
But basically I love how the show handled this, because real people are flawed. And the fact that they saw each other’s worst sides and still want to be together-that means so much more than if they had made that decision based on one or two months of new-relationship bliss. That’s love. We know they can both be better people than they’ve been lately. Ben is more open and direct and a lot less judgmental when he’s happily in a relationship (see beautiful mature conflict in The Bubble). Leslie’s still going to be intense, but her passion is going to go back to endearing levels now that they’re reunited, and Ben has a nice way of grounding her (see … every episode prior to their breakup). But even when they’re not their better selves, they’re going to be good together. Not always perfect, but good.
Okay, I think I’m done talking about cheesecake now. Um … that last scene. Wow. I love everything about it, every little detail. Starting with the stuff that makes me the least emotional … how about that smallest park? It was so tiny and cute. It was just this absolutely perfect gorgeous setting to have this romantic reunion. But the fact that the creation of the setting was integral to the plot of the show meant it wasn’t contrived to have it there. How perfect is that? And the overcoats. I have a new article of clothing to ship Ben with, because oh my god Ben in an overcoat flaily arms gorgeous there is just something about a man in a coat that I love. And Leslie looked so gorgeous in her red coat. I now ship those two coats together. But overall the effect was that this scene reminded me of the climax to a romantic comedy. It was really cinematic. And the quality of the acting and the script … so much better than so many big-screen versions.
Onto actual feelings, which I’m much less confident talking about, but here I’ll throw some stuff out and see if anything sticks. I’m fascinated by Leslie and Leslie’s feelings and the inside of Leslie’s head. She doesn’t usually wear her feelings on her sleeve (or in her eyes as our dear beloved Ben does). I had a similar experience last season in the Fancy Party through Jerry’s Painting era, of like oh my god Leslie has feelings where did that come from? Even as of Camping, I remember thinking at the time that Leslie still had tunnel vision and hadn’t started to consider Ben that way. Then we got new information, and it re-shaded everything that had come before it. So now I watch Season 3 slightly differently and can see Leslie’s attraction gradually develop from about Time Capsule.
And Smallest Park did something similar-I assumed all along she had feelings, but I didn’t know how strong they were, and I didn’t know if she knew how strong they were. She seemed maybe a little more manic but mostly happy until recently-it seemed like she had at least been able to adequately distract herself. Now we know that she was actively missing him and thinking about him all the time. All the time! It shades everything just a little differently. Has she felt as strongly about Ben as he has about her? Now it seems like maybe she has.
I started out this season thinking that it might be about Leslie developing stronger feelings and catching up with Ben. Then I thought it was about Leslie realizing how strong her feelings already were. Now I think, maybe (I’m really not sure about this so please feel free to chime in), that this season has been about her figuring out what to do with her feelings.
We’ve known Leslie to be impulsive and to be all Screw it, I’m going to do it anyway. And that’s what she’s doing now-it just took her a while to get there. And in the interim … well, we know from a lot of humorous voiceovers that Leslie has had bad experiences in romance. And Dave wasn’t bad, but he also wasn’t earth-shattering-it seemed like she cared about him and enjoyed him, but not enough to consider changing her life for him. Ben is different. He was worth risking her job when they originally started dating, and her feelings for him caused her a lot of agony when she faced the prospect of breaking up with him. But what else was there to do? From my perspective as an old married person, it seems obvious that if two people want to make it work, they can. Couples have conflicting interests all the time-relatives they want to live near, career paths they want to follow, etc-and if they want to they figure out how to make it all fit. There might be compromises, but it tends to even out over time, and even when it doesn’t there’s the security of being able to say I will do this for you because I know you would do it for me.
But Ben and Leslie weren’t together for long enough to reasonably think that long term, even if they wanted to. They could have, back then, said screw it, let’s do this, but that would have meant a huge commitment: whether waiting for each other, enduring the consequences of trying to publicly do it all, and/or one of them making a temporary sacrifice. Even if one person is willing to commit to all that, how much courage and conviction would it take to ask the other person to go along?
So I can believe that it took Leslie this long to trust her feelings and find her courage to try to have it all. She had to try to make it work every other possible way to realize she only really had two options regarding Ben: yes or no, and she didn't seem to completely face that until he was walking away from her. I’ve thought about this a lot (haha, obviously) and I think she approached that meeting with him ready to genuinely set her own desires aside and to give Ben what he wanted. It seemed like she had accepted that in spite of all her efforts to convince him otherwise, he had made his decision (and maybe clung to a hope he would change his mind based on her apology?). But then there’s that moment where he says “I don’t want that. Really.” And the look on his face, and his voice … I think she grabs onto that. This isn’t what he wants either. And decides to go for it. In the sweetest, most considerate way possible. And I don’t think she’s choosing Ben over her career-they’re committed now, and they’ll be able to figure out how to have it all. It’s just going to be messy and complicated for a while. But it’ll be good.
Oh and the mouths, let’s not forget the important thing here. That kiss was spectacular. It looked real, and passionate, and … oh you know what I mean, just mouths. The way his nose sort of smooshes against her cheek. Those two just acted the hell out of that entire scene, and I love them.
I’m a little fuzzy on why Ann went to talk to Ben, exactly what she was trying to achieve there. It seemed that Leslie had agreed to give Ben what he was asking for and Ann was in support of that. But going to Ben and saying basically You really need to talk to Leslie about the fact that she has agreed not to talk to you anymore is a little … well it didn’t seem to be quite what Ann was doing in that scene. It seemed like she was hoping Ben and Leslie would reach some sort of truce in which Leslie was no longer running up Ann’s texting bill. Or like, she supported Leslie in leaving Ben alone, but she was also hoping Ben wouldn’t actually make Leslie leave him alone. Okay that sounds good; I’m going to go with that.
But anyway, cheesecake. Ann ate a whole cheesecake for Leslie. Why? Because she’d eat ten cheesecakes for Leslie. That much cheesecake might make you a little queasy at times, but it’s amazing and delicious, and it cares a lot about you. That cheesecake has many redeeming qualities. You do not just throw that cheesecake away. Am I right, I mean, am I right?
Good lord. Half-baked cheesecakey metaphors aside, this was a really good conversation for Ann and Ben to have. They both love Leslie, and they’ve both experienced Leslie. But they both still love Leslie. She is flawed, but her flaws are the flipside of some of the most wonderful parts of her personality. She is passionate. She is tenacious. She is … yeah, a bit of a steamroller. But usually in a good way. And Ben loves that about her, but he’s been broken up from her for a while, and one of the stock survival strategies of a breakup is to focus on the person’s flaws. It’s been hard for Ben and Leslie, because they didn’t break up because of any failing in the relationship. But stressful situations exacerbate our worst qualities, so Leslie’s less considerate tendencies were magnified, at the same time Ben’s self-preservation instincts were looking for ways to distance himself. So Ann’s little impromptu cheesecake anecdote served a purpose. It helped him remember how much he appreciates intense Leslie. And the look on his face when Ann was scrolling through her texts looked like, in spite of all the hurt, he seemed to appreciate that some of that intensity was directed at him.
The thing that fascinates me is that of all the ways the writers could have handled this breakup, they chose this one. The breakup wasn’t about these two people’s flaws. Nothing had gone wrong in their relationship yet-they hadn’t been together long enough. But being broken up turned out to be all about their flaws. That’s a shockingly realistic route for a sitcom to go-I sort of dreaded the sitcom-type solutions one would expect, that Chris would suddenly change his rule, or whatever, and it would be more, I don’t know, bureaucratic and less emotionally satisfying. But for as much as they didn’t want to break up, the breakup actually ended up being hurtful. Even with Ben’s full support, Leslie chose something over him-he was not her priority in that moment, and as much as a person like Ben can understand that intellectually, how do you not be hurt by that too? And from his point of view, the breakup didn’t seem to faze her much. On the other side, Ben didn’t fight for Leslie, and then he didn’t even want to be around her. That’s hurtful too. They had different ways of dealing, and there was no middle ground. So we got a storyline that was less about them being perfect for each other and more about them being vulnerable and messy and human.
Take a moment and consider how well the writers planned this story arc, too, and how fair it’s been to its characters: we’ve seen Leslie on overdrive-not just regarding Ben, but in general, the way she ordered everyone to drop everything to help her in Born and Raised, the oblivious way she treated Ann in Pawnee Goddess. But it was always balanced by seeing the bountiful fruits of her passion and enthusiasm. And it was further balanced by (probably deliberate) storylines about her friendships. She is sometimes inconsiderate, but she is always caring. And then Ben: we saw him be wishy-washy, childish, and downright cold at moments. But we also got a whole plotline explaining how and why Ben deals with conflict. So not only were the reasons behind his unhappiness clear, but his ways for dealing with it were-if not impeccable, at least understandable. There was some nice groundwork to build this conflict on.
They also seemed to make clear there was more to the story than we saw. There's only so much they can fit in a sitcom, but they did a nice job at hinting that this conflict wasn't limited to the few scenes we got on screen. Leslie said she's been doing this since they broke up ... last spring, that's four or five months. And it's escalating to the point of her trying to purposely contrive conflict to keep him on this project--and I understand why, but it was truly awful behavior this week. The scene after the protest was so hard to watch, with Ben being harsh on Leslie (really wish he hadn't cut the ribbon), but wow. It seems like he'd have to be inhuman not to snap in some way at that point. (Although I do like to think that he spent plenty of time apologizing that night, in between confessions of feelings and bonding over how their respective parents screwed them up and all the makeup sex and cuddling and the rest.)
But basically I love how the show handled this, because real people are flawed. And the fact that they saw each other’s worst sides and still want to be together-that means so much more than if they had made that decision based on one or two months of new-relationship bliss. That’s love. We know they can both be better people than they’ve been lately. Ben is more open and direct and a lot less judgmental when he’s happily in a relationship (see beautiful mature conflict in The Bubble). Leslie’s still going to be intense, but her passion is going to go back to endearing levels now that they’re reunited, and Ben has a nice way of grounding her (see … every episode prior to their breakup). But even when they’re not their better selves, they’re going to be good together. Not always perfect, but good.
Okay, I think I’m done talking about cheesecake now. Um … that last scene. Wow. I love everything about it, every little detail. Starting with the stuff that makes me the least emotional … how about that smallest park? It was so tiny and cute. It was just this absolutely perfect gorgeous setting to have this romantic reunion. But the fact that the creation of the setting was integral to the plot of the show meant it wasn’t contrived to have it there. How perfect is that? And the overcoats. I have a new article of clothing to ship Ben with, because oh my god Ben in an overcoat flaily arms gorgeous there is just something about a man in a coat that I love. And Leslie looked so gorgeous in her red coat. I now ship those two coats together. But overall the effect was that this scene reminded me of the climax to a romantic comedy. It was really cinematic. And the quality of the acting and the script … so much better than so many big-screen versions.
Onto actual feelings, which I’m much less confident talking about, but here I’ll throw some stuff out and see if anything sticks. I’m fascinated by Leslie and Leslie’s feelings and the inside of Leslie’s head. She doesn’t usually wear her feelings on her sleeve (or in her eyes as our dear beloved Ben does). I had a similar experience last season in the Fancy Party through Jerry’s Painting era, of like oh my god Leslie has feelings where did that come from? Even as of Camping, I remember thinking at the time that Leslie still had tunnel vision and hadn’t started to consider Ben that way. Then we got new information, and it re-shaded everything that had come before it. So now I watch Season 3 slightly differently and can see Leslie’s attraction gradually develop from about Time Capsule.
And Smallest Park did something similar-I assumed all along she had feelings, but I didn’t know how strong they were, and I didn’t know if she knew how strong they were. She seemed maybe a little more manic but mostly happy until recently-it seemed like she had at least been able to adequately distract herself. Now we know that she was actively missing him and thinking about him all the time. All the time! It shades everything just a little differently. Has she felt as strongly about Ben as he has about her? Now it seems like maybe she has.
I started out this season thinking that it might be about Leslie developing stronger feelings and catching up with Ben. Then I thought it was about Leslie realizing how strong her feelings already were. Now I think, maybe (I’m really not sure about this so please feel free to chime in), that this season has been about her figuring out what to do with her feelings.
We’ve known Leslie to be impulsive and to be all Screw it, I’m going to do it anyway. And that’s what she’s doing now-it just took her a while to get there. And in the interim … well, we know from a lot of humorous voiceovers that Leslie has had bad experiences in romance. And Dave wasn’t bad, but he also wasn’t earth-shattering-it seemed like she cared about him and enjoyed him, but not enough to consider changing her life for him. Ben is different. He was worth risking her job when they originally started dating, and her feelings for him caused her a lot of agony when she faced the prospect of breaking up with him. But what else was there to do? From my perspective as an old married person, it seems obvious that if two people want to make it work, they can. Couples have conflicting interests all the time-relatives they want to live near, career paths they want to follow, etc-and if they want to they figure out how to make it all fit. There might be compromises, but it tends to even out over time, and even when it doesn’t there’s the security of being able to say I will do this for you because I know you would do it for me.
But Ben and Leslie weren’t together for long enough to reasonably think that long term, even if they wanted to. They could have, back then, said screw it, let’s do this, but that would have meant a huge commitment: whether waiting for each other, enduring the consequences of trying to publicly do it all, and/or one of them making a temporary sacrifice. Even if one person is willing to commit to all that, how much courage and conviction would it take to ask the other person to go along?
So I can believe that it took Leslie this long to trust her feelings and find her courage to try to have it all. She had to try to make it work every other possible way to realize she only really had two options regarding Ben: yes or no, and she didn't seem to completely face that until he was walking away from her. I’ve thought about this a lot (haha, obviously) and I think she approached that meeting with him ready to genuinely set her own desires aside and to give Ben what he wanted. It seemed like she had accepted that in spite of all her efforts to convince him otherwise, he had made his decision (and maybe clung to a hope he would change his mind based on her apology?). But then there’s that moment where he says “I don’t want that. Really.” And the look on his face, and his voice … I think she grabs onto that. This isn’t what he wants either. And decides to go for it. In the sweetest, most considerate way possible. And I don’t think she’s choosing Ben over her career-they’re committed now, and they’ll be able to figure out how to have it all. It’s just going to be messy and complicated for a while. But it’ll be good.
Oh and the mouths, let’s not forget the important thing here. That kiss was spectacular. It looked real, and passionate, and … oh you know what I mean, just mouths. The way his nose sort of smooshes against her cheek. Those two just acted the hell out of that entire scene, and I love them.