An Altered Perception
Chapter 7: Cliff Diving
Author: riku_aura777
Pairing: (past) Mark/Tom
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Summary: A look at how When Your Heart Stops Beating really affected Mark and Tom's lives, and the regrets of their relationship.
Notes: Since I'm getting ready for school right now, I don't have time to write any, so I hope you enjoy this :)
“Tom, stop sighing, it’s pissing me off.”
Groaning, Tom collapsed on Mark’s bed, long, lanky legs hanging off the side. “Stop being so moody, Mark. And besides, you don’t know what it’s like.”
Sitting next to him, Mark said, “I’ve been in high school before, Tom.”
“Yeah, like, years ago. You only go to school two days a week now, and you’re almost done for the year. I still have a month… and then another year!”
“Well, I can change things back next year so then I’ll be in school more and have less time for you. How does that sound?” That was the reason he had adjusted his schedule, so then he could focus on the band. That, and so he could spend more time with Tom. Some might question his priorities, but, to him, it worked. There was something about Blink, he could just feel it.
“Like you’d do that,” Tom said, smirking. “You’d miss me too much.”
Mark rolled his eyes, lying down next to Tom’s sprawled out body. “If you say so. Now stop bitching.”
“Go climb another streetlight, Hoppus,” Tom replied, lightly punching him in the shoulder. “Can I crash here tonight?”
“First you abuse me, now you want me to let you stay?” Mark asked with over-exaggerated bemusement. He nodded anyway though.
Home was the last place seventeen year old Tom wanted to be, and he knew that. Even though he had only known him for less than a year, Mark knew he wanted to help Tom in any way he could. And if another sleepless night was the reward for that, then he would accept it.
His thoughts were interrupted by Tom’s finger jabbing his neck. “You look like you’re thinking too much.”
“You should try it sometime.”
Tom gasped. “What are you implying, Mark?” Looking down at his shoes, he quietly said, “Thanks for letting me stay.”
Shaking his head, Mark reached out and ruffled Tom’s short hair. “It’s cool.”
They lapsed into silence. Fading sunlight poured into the room, feeling like summer to Mark. In a few days, it technically would be for him. Then there would be planning, and the month-long scavenge for money. But everything would come together by mid-June.
“What are you thinking about now?”
He looked at Tom. “Just can’t wait until we can start playing shows in the summer.”
Smiling, Tom nodded enthusiastically. “That’s why I want school to be over. I’m holding things up!”
“Scott’s still in school too, Tom,” Mark reminded.
“I know, I just don’t want to be. Why can’t I be your age and do all the cool adult things?”
“Like voting?” Mark suggested, grinning.
“Like buying beer legally, but yeah, there’s that too, I guess.” Tom paused for a moment before asking, “You think we’re gonna make it?”
“You mean Blink?” Tom nodded, causing Mark to nod as well. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t have put so much time into it if I didn’t think so.”
“I know it will,” he assured. “I was just seeing what you thought, Mark.”
Mark wasn’t sure what prompted him. The heat, residual hormones, talking about the future, maybe all three. He hastily leaned forward and kissed Tom, pulling away before either of them could react. Mark could feel his face heating up. What had he just done? He was starting to panic. He had just kissed Tom, something he had promised himself he wouldn’t do. He didn’t want to ruin the one true friendship he had.
Suddenly, all thoughts ceased in his head, because Tom had started kissing him. Slowly and sloppily, with inexperience and urgency, Mark noticed. But his lips were surprisingly soft. Hesitantly, and without fully breaking it, Mark sat up slightly, body hovering over Tom’s. He cautiously opened his eyes, only to see Tom staring up at him, brown eyes wide with trust and unvoiced promises.
Lacking oxygen, he finally, reluctantly, pulled away. Lips tingling, it almost felt like a dream, a dream he had been having for the last few months. He looked down at Tom, who seemed to also be in his own form of shock. Mark had always liked looking at him.
Tom sat up as well, looking like he wanted to say something. But no words escaped him, leaving Mark to fill the silence. “Blink’s gonna work out, Tom.” And he was sure of it, more than he ever had been. He didn’t have Tom’s naïve optimism, he liked calculating things for awhile.
But he could see the faith in Tom’s eyes. After that kiss, Mark felt on top of the world. He allowed himself to believe it, because he was powerless to do otherwise.
--
Where had those days gone? Wherever they were hiding, he would have loved to find them. Maybe Tom had stolen them, just to take something else away from him. That was something Mark thought about. Did he remember that day, their first kiss?
If Tom couldn’t remember, then Mark pitied him. It was better than feeling sorry for himself. He, at least, had the happy memories as a security blanket. Tom… he had nothing, Mark imagined.
While still on the road to recovery, Mark wanted to change that. He was still teetering between depression and anger-never found bargaining-but he still wanted to give Tom the world. That had been one of his main goals since he was twenty; it was practically in his DNA, it couldn’t be altered.
Before him, scattered semblances of sentences were captured on paper. They were more innocent and lighthearted than the other songs. Ranging from ‘Hey silly girl, I think I got a thing for you’ to ‘Dear you, tonight let’s get ahead of ourselves.’ But there was nothing connecting them together.
Strangely, Mark hadn’t been thinking about him lately, which would explain the change in lyrical tone. But he couldn’t ignore the feeling plaguing him; the desire to call Tom. Except he couldn’t, because he didn’t know his number anymore. Nonetheless, he wanted to apologize, even though he had done nothing wrong. At least, that’s what he believed. But he had a problem with being immediately sure about anything.
‘This time I’ll do things proper. How did it get to this?’ It looked like it could belong, tied together with, ‘We sealed it with a kiss.’ He wanted to cross it out though. More importantly, he wanted to ask Tom that. And, if he tried hard enough, he could hear Tom asking the same thing.
He left it alone, and said it aloud a couple times to get a feel for it. The line belonged, it portrayed his ultimate emotion: regret. He missed those days. He want them back, wanted Tom back. Finally, he found his way. He was ready to start bargaining.