Life is full of choices.
Playing violin is not easy. Don't let anyone tell you differently. It doesn't matter how long you have played. Whether it was five, twelve or twenty years behind you, it never gets easy.
Violin is a true lady; woman, whose every whim is to be catered. If you want to learn how to play violin, you must be willing for "May I be of service?" "Can I serve you somehow?" "Am I allowed to approach?"
I never thought that playing violin could become my profession. I am not sure why I have continued it as far as I have. Perhaps because it has given me something unspoken.
Now, I have a chance to make it my profession. Something that would get me paid. Something that would look awesome in my CV. Something that many people can only dream about. Something some people apply for, yet not getting there. Something someone asked me, specifically, to come and do.
What am I hesitating for? Shouldn't I take this chance? Why... the hell!
Am I insecure? Yes, sort of. I haven't gotten proper teaching in a long while, and... I am pretty confident about my skills after 14 years. But are they enough for an orchestra? I guess I could just walk in there, let them see me, and decide if they want me in.
Second thing I am afraid of is time. I will go back to high school, my second year studies to become a youth instructor begin, and I am aiming very high. Can I sustain a job? Can I maintain my balance, my sanity, my goals, my strenght, torn in different directions? Plus I decided that this year, I would start to care more about how I appear to people. Stop being myself. Hide it under make-up. Cover it in clothes. There aren't ugly women, just lazy women, and so forth.
Third thing I am afraid of pretty much sums up all that I have mentioned above.
I am afraid that I will kill myself if I accept a place in classical orchestra, despising classical music.
"Just say no?"
No. It's not that simple.
I can't just "say no" to an opportunity like that, right? When a life throws a rope at you, you can't just kick it away, even if you felt tired and your arms were scratchy and so forth.
Plus I want to make my parents proud. My father. It was he who told me about the deal in the first place.
I want to make him proud.
I want him to be able to be proud of me again...
Violin is a true lady; woman, whose every whim is to be catered. If you want to learn how to play violin, you must be willing for "May I be of service?" "Can I serve you somehow?" "Am I allowed to approach?"
I never thought that playing violin could become my profession. I am not sure why I have continued it as far as I have. Perhaps because it has given me something unspoken.
Now, I have a chance to make it my profession. Something that would get me paid. Something that would look awesome in my CV. Something that many people can only dream about. Something some people apply for, yet not getting there. Something someone asked me, specifically, to come and do.
What am I hesitating for? Shouldn't I take this chance? Why... the hell!
Am I insecure? Yes, sort of. I haven't gotten proper teaching in a long while, and... I am pretty confident about my skills after 14 years. But are they enough for an orchestra? I guess I could just walk in there, let them see me, and decide if they want me in.
Second thing I am afraid of is time. I will go back to high school, my second year studies to become a youth instructor begin, and I am aiming very high. Can I sustain a job? Can I maintain my balance, my sanity, my goals, my strenght, torn in different directions? Plus I decided that this year, I would start to care more about how I appear to people. Stop being myself. Hide it under make-up. Cover it in clothes. There aren't ugly women, just lazy women, and so forth.
Third thing I am afraid of pretty much sums up all that I have mentioned above.
I am afraid that I will kill myself if I accept a place in classical orchestra, despising classical music.
"Just say no?"
No. It's not that simple.
I can't just "say no" to an opportunity like that, right? When a life throws a rope at you, you can't just kick it away, even if you felt tired and your arms were scratchy and so forth.
Plus I want to make my parents proud. My father. It was he who told me about the deal in the first place.
I want to make him proud.
I want him to be able to be proud of me again...