Battle for Power continues
Because they need you
Damn it.
Because I love you
DAMN IT.
You close your eyes now
No, wait. Don't go just yet. Don't go. Don't go! I need you here!
I will be gone
No! WAIT!
But my love for you will go on
No, you don't understand. If you did, you would not love me. How could anyone love someone this hollow, this dark, this shattered, this bitter, this hating, this angered, this sorrowed thing?
You said that no matter my decision, you would support me... that you would still love me, Queen. I'm standing in the edge now, edge between darkness and light. I know you say that you are used to living in darkness, but not this one. In this border, you are flying in the light.
How I would want to spread my non-existant wings. How I would like to fly. How I would want to leave all this behind. But I know that the moment I move, I will fall. Whether it is on the side of light or on the side of darkness, I think that in the end, it will be the same. I can see the spears which will penetrate me when I fall down. I don't have wings.
Black, you told me, that even black wings would lead into heaven. That was something I once told to you. That was something Black-winged "angel" once told Flamewing.
Those two would make an awesome match God damnit, Shera! SHUT YOUR TRAP!
Even if your love would... go on... though I really doubt it would...
What about everyone else?
Darkest skies
Would everyone else just cast me under dark clouds and leave me behind, wounded and abused once again?
Wait. "Others". "Everyone." "Those people".
Does it even matter?
Hollow eyes
I guess it doesn't, with my new ideology... *laughs bitterly* Work first. Success first. After that comes achieving, and after that... I don't even know. I guess I'd like people to like me. And I guess there's still some "hero" inside me, who wants to help everyone in need. It pops up from time to time, and it makes me feel weird nowadays. It's not like before, when I thought that it was the only possible way. Now I just look with empty eyes what I am. With hatred.
Others. Those people. We were always fighting them, were we not? You remember those tales, right, Queen? Black and white, good and bad, right and wrong...
Hell.
But the stars burn brighter
You and me. We were always together, were we not?
Than you realize
I guess that what you felt towards me was something so deep that... I do not know. Only thing I know now that I am ashamed. I have been for a long while now. Why? Because I feel responsible for everything that you are nowadays. At least almost everything, since your Prince must have some of that credit.
He may have the credit, while I may have the shame. I ditched you, Queen... I have remembered it for some time. It was not because of you, anything you said, did or were. It was merely because I was... too weak. Still I can't believe how I allowed myself of doing something like that. Like I don't understand and can't believe how close I let Black.
I guess I have been an idiot, Queen, my queen. There is no need of refusing to admit it. I treated you badly, and I guess that right now, I would not deserve your company, your smile, and least of all, your friendship, admiration, respect and love.
Hell... why....
Why should I care... why should it matter, what everyone else thinks of me.. of us? Queen, hell, as long as I have you, I have nothing to fear! As long as you allow me to protect you, as long as you just let me be with you, as long as I still have someone to care for, I don't have anything to fear, no matter if it was a mortal or some other creature telling me to die for you.
Why... why do I care? What is this... darkness? What is this darkness inside me? What are these thoughts? Why can't I see that there is light right within reach of my hands? Damn it... Damn it.. damn it...! Why can't I hold out my hand to grab those rays?
What... how... no... hell... damn... who the hell am I? WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING AT ME FROM THE MIRROR? That person can't be me, can it? No, that murderer can't be me. That... sick.. twisted... creature. Is that...
... me?
It may be destiny
Why... hell.... how did I lose myself.. why... why did I allow myself to lose it? Why did I lose myself? Why? WHY?
Was it because of weakness? Some sick twist of destiny? Lady Luck, where are you now, when the odds have turned? Are you really such a fucking bitch? Why did I ever think that I'd have your mood on my side?
No, it was never about luck, was it...
That sheds our tears
Hell.. now I'm crying again. Just from the words. And realization. Why did I... why did I let go? Why did I let go of the source of my power, you, my love for you?
... was it me, who made myself weak? No, there was something else. Something I still can't reach within my mind. But I am certain that letting you go made me weaker.
You must leave me behind
No, hell, no. I just told you that. Please don't leave.
I know I made a mistake. I won't let you go anymore. How could I? Hell, it is you who made me everything I ever was. If I had not met you, my life would be, have been, hollow, empty...
I would not be who I am. You know who I am, don't you? You have seen my eyes. You know who I am. I would not be that without you.
Though the night howls inside you
It does. It does!
I'm not telling you it's not painful. But you're the one who set me free. Try to understand.
No, wait, I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness. I have no right to ask you for that.
My soul howls for death. Torn souls of wolf and human, forever curled against each others. If it was not for you, I would not know either one of those. You are who brought me to life. You are the reason I ever loved. I guess my feelings for you were so strong that I was afraid of them myself.
Perhaps I was, already back then, afraid of having my trust and love abused. After all, that was all I knew about life. Could that be why...
You must fly
I know that you would want me to fly. I know that you want nothing but what's best for me. That's how you have always been, always wishing for my best.
Is there still something I do not see? Stars really burn brighter than I realize.
High into the storm
But I still don't know what I should do. I should make a decision. Damn it... it would have been so easy, if... damn it... if you weren't there, I would just fall on the dark side, and that would be it. I would lose myself, lose control forever, forget my name, close my eyes and never open them again.
Now I find myself standing on the edge, staring from side to side, trying to decide which battle I must enter. I can't keep my balance up forever. Do I want to wander the dark path, claiming victory after victory, destroying my enemies and all those unfortunate enough to have stepped on my way?
Victories that aren't victories.
Or would I want to cast myself into the light, exposed to everyone, fight for what's right, for justice, like I once used to do, and suffer a failure in what I have deemed to be my utmost goal for almost half a year now?
Failures, that aren't failures.
Far from the light
This is not the final battle. But it is one step. Just like Spring rain would have said: "One deed at time." It is one step towards the light, one step towards realization: if I don't like it, I should just leave him.
After all, it shouldn't matter. Because you are the only one who never let me down, only one who has forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven 7 and 77 and 777 times. Yes, I have made mistakes, though none of them has been utmostly against my morals like my latest ones.
It shouldn't matter, because when I'm with you, I can do anything. We can do anything together, if we want to.
You must be strong
I know. It won't be easy, no matter how many times I come to realize truths about my life. I must be strong.
But I can't be that without you by my side.
Because they need you
I know.
I guess I just liked to pretend that they did not.
Because I love you
I know.
And I never had any doubts about it.
Perhaps... you... have been the only one, who... truly has loved me, after all...
You close your eyes now
Yeah.
And I will be gone
Yeah. And I will watch you go.
But my love for you will go on
But my love for you will go on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tervetuloa." Sana muotoutui kymmeniin kortteihin koristeellisena, lupaavana ja iloisena. Nainen työskenteli kynttilänvalossa ja kokeili erilaisia tekstejä. Hän kirjoitti viininpunaiselle kartongille valkealla ja mustalla musteella, kokeili kirkkaanpunaista ja hylkäsi sen. Helmenharmaa kartonki ja vihreä muste olivat upea yhdistelmä.
Nainen vilkaisi pöydällä olevaa kirjettä ja hymyili vaisusti. Siinä oli vain muutamia sanoja, jotka oli kirjoitettu iloisella, kevyellä otteella. Hänen katseensa osui hieman tärähtäneeseen sanaan. "Kihloissa".
Hän huokaisi ja hymyili jälleen, katsoen ikkunasta ulos. Pöydällä oli helmenvalkeissa pahvikuorissa valokuva nuoresta naisesta, joka piteli ruusua ja tapitti kameraan sinisillä silmillään vaaleiden hiusten takaa. Nainen tarttui jälleen mustekynään ja pyöräytti sitä mustetyynyllä.
"Tervetuloa kihlajaisiin."
Damn it.
Because I love you
DAMN IT.
You close your eyes now
No, wait. Don't go just yet. Don't go. Don't go! I need you here!
I will be gone
No! WAIT!
But my love for you will go on
No, you don't understand. If you did, you would not love me. How could anyone love someone this hollow, this dark, this shattered, this bitter, this hating, this angered, this sorrowed thing?
You said that no matter my decision, you would support me... that you would still love me, Queen. I'm standing in the edge now, edge between darkness and light. I know you say that you are used to living in darkness, but not this one. In this border, you are flying in the light.
How I would want to spread my non-existant wings. How I would like to fly. How I would want to leave all this behind. But I know that the moment I move, I will fall. Whether it is on the side of light or on the side of darkness, I think that in the end, it will be the same. I can see the spears which will penetrate me when I fall down. I don't have wings.
Black, you told me, that even black wings would lead into heaven. That was something I once told to you. That was something Black-winged "angel" once told Flamewing.
Those two would make an awesome match God damnit, Shera! SHUT YOUR TRAP!
Even if your love would... go on... though I really doubt it would...
What about everyone else?
Darkest skies
Would everyone else just cast me under dark clouds and leave me behind, wounded and abused once again?
Wait. "Others". "Everyone." "Those people".
Does it even matter?
Hollow eyes
I guess it doesn't, with my new ideology... *laughs bitterly* Work first. Success first. After that comes achieving, and after that... I don't even know. I guess I'd like people to like me. And I guess there's still some "hero" inside me, who wants to help everyone in need. It pops up from time to time, and it makes me feel weird nowadays. It's not like before, when I thought that it was the only possible way. Now I just look with empty eyes what I am. With hatred.
Others. Those people. We were always fighting them, were we not? You remember those tales, right, Queen? Black and white, good and bad, right and wrong...
Hell.
But the stars burn brighter
You and me. We were always together, were we not?
Than you realize
I guess that what you felt towards me was something so deep that... I do not know. Only thing I know now that I am ashamed. I have been for a long while now. Why? Because I feel responsible for everything that you are nowadays. At least almost everything, since your Prince must have some of that credit.
He may have the credit, while I may have the shame. I ditched you, Queen... I have remembered it for some time. It was not because of you, anything you said, did or were. It was merely because I was... too weak. Still I can't believe how I allowed myself of doing something like that. Like I don't understand and can't believe how close I let Black.
I guess I have been an idiot, Queen, my queen. There is no need of refusing to admit it. I treated you badly, and I guess that right now, I would not deserve your company, your smile, and least of all, your friendship, admiration, respect and love.
Hell... why....
Why should I care... why should it matter, what everyone else thinks of me.. of us? Queen, hell, as long as I have you, I have nothing to fear! As long as you allow me to protect you, as long as you just let me be with you, as long as I still have someone to care for, I don't have anything to fear, no matter if it was a mortal or some other creature telling me to die for you.
Why... why do I care? What is this... darkness? What is this darkness inside me? What are these thoughts? Why can't I see that there is light right within reach of my hands? Damn it... Damn it.. damn it...! Why can't I hold out my hand to grab those rays?
What... how... no... hell... damn... who the hell am I? WHO THE HELL IS LOOKING AT ME FROM THE MIRROR? That person can't be me, can it? No, that murderer can't be me. That... sick.. twisted... creature. Is that...
... me?
It may be destiny
Why... hell.... how did I lose myself.. why... why did I allow myself to lose it? Why did I lose myself? Why? WHY?
Was it because of weakness? Some sick twist of destiny? Lady Luck, where are you now, when the odds have turned? Are you really such a fucking bitch? Why did I ever think that I'd have your mood on my side?
No, it was never about luck, was it...
That sheds our tears
Hell.. now I'm crying again. Just from the words. And realization. Why did I... why did I let go? Why did I let go of the source of my power, you, my love for you?
... was it me, who made myself weak? No, there was something else. Something I still can't reach within my mind. But I am certain that letting you go made me weaker.
You must leave me behind
No, hell, no. I just told you that. Please don't leave.
I know I made a mistake. I won't let you go anymore. How could I? Hell, it is you who made me everything I ever was. If I had not met you, my life would be, have been, hollow, empty...
I would not be who I am. You know who I am, don't you? You have seen my eyes. You know who I am. I would not be that without you.
Though the night howls inside you
It does. It does!
I'm not telling you it's not painful. But you're the one who set me free. Try to understand.
No, wait, I'm not going to ask for your forgiveness. I have no right to ask you for that.
My soul howls for death. Torn souls of wolf and human, forever curled against each others. If it was not for you, I would not know either one of those. You are who brought me to life. You are the reason I ever loved. I guess my feelings for you were so strong that I was afraid of them myself.
Perhaps I was, already back then, afraid of having my trust and love abused. After all, that was all I knew about life. Could that be why...
You must fly
I know that you would want me to fly. I know that you want nothing but what's best for me. That's how you have always been, always wishing for my best.
Is there still something I do not see? Stars really burn brighter than I realize.
High into the storm
But I still don't know what I should do. I should make a decision. Damn it... it would have been so easy, if... damn it... if you weren't there, I would just fall on the dark side, and that would be it. I would lose myself, lose control forever, forget my name, close my eyes and never open them again.
Now I find myself standing on the edge, staring from side to side, trying to decide which battle I must enter. I can't keep my balance up forever. Do I want to wander the dark path, claiming victory after victory, destroying my enemies and all those unfortunate enough to have stepped on my way?
Victories that aren't victories.
Or would I want to cast myself into the light, exposed to everyone, fight for what's right, for justice, like I once used to do, and suffer a failure in what I have deemed to be my utmost goal for almost half a year now?
Failures, that aren't failures.
Far from the light
This is not the final battle. But it is one step. Just like Spring rain would have said: "One deed at time." It is one step towards the light, one step towards realization: if I don't like it, I should just leave him.
After all, it shouldn't matter. Because you are the only one who never let me down, only one who has forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven and forgiven 7 and 77 and 777 times. Yes, I have made mistakes, though none of them has been utmostly against my morals like my latest ones.
It shouldn't matter, because when I'm with you, I can do anything. We can do anything together, if we want to.
You must be strong
I know. It won't be easy, no matter how many times I come to realize truths about my life. I must be strong.
But I can't be that without you by my side.
Because they need you
I know.
I guess I just liked to pretend that they did not.
Because I love you
I know.
And I never had any doubts about it.
Perhaps... you... have been the only one, who... truly has loved me, after all...
You close your eyes now
Yeah.
And I will be gone
Yeah. And I will watch you go.
But my love for you will go on
But my love for you will go on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Tervetuloa." Sana muotoutui kymmeniin kortteihin koristeellisena, lupaavana ja iloisena. Nainen työskenteli kynttilänvalossa ja kokeili erilaisia tekstejä. Hän kirjoitti viininpunaiselle kartongille valkealla ja mustalla musteella, kokeili kirkkaanpunaista ja hylkäsi sen. Helmenharmaa kartonki ja vihreä muste olivat upea yhdistelmä.
Nainen vilkaisi pöydällä olevaa kirjettä ja hymyili vaisusti. Siinä oli vain muutamia sanoja, jotka oli kirjoitettu iloisella, kevyellä otteella. Hänen katseensa osui hieman tärähtäneeseen sanaan. "Kihloissa".
Hän huokaisi ja hymyili jälleen, katsoen ikkunasta ulos. Pöydällä oli helmenvalkeissa pahvikuorissa valokuva nuoresta naisesta, joka piteli ruusua ja tapitti kameraan sinisillä silmillään vaaleiden hiusten takaa. Nainen tarttui jälleen mustekynään ja pyöräytti sitä mustetyynyllä.
"Tervetuloa kihlajaisiin."