I Dunno....
I hate Parker but I don't know why. All I do is walk around in circles all day all alone. It is really kinda of depressing if you think about it too much so I try not to. I dunno why I am not social and talk to people I guess I am scared to be hurt. I don't understand why I walk in circles maybe to run away from the past. I keep thinking about it but it makes me upset so I just go on continueing what I always do. I feel like a machine all I do is in routine. I don't really understand how to stop it I guess this is just the way things are. I am scared to talk to anyone....they probably wouldn't want to talk to me anyways. I don't know how to feel about seeming happy but just emotionless most of the time. Maybe I am just thinking about this too much. I just hate how everything is so familiar in a routine makes everything boring. When I walk down hallways I kinda feel like I am being glared at or scorned for something I couldn't help or didn't do. Maybe I am just feeling things I shouldn't. I try not to look at anyone while I walk in circles I am afraid they will look back at me. I just stare down the hall with not much emotion. I don't care what people think of me but I care what I think.......people seem to like the way I am but I don't see what they see. I try to just not think about myself or the way I am, I mean I like the way I am but I just have no confidence in myself. I am scared to say "Hi" to people kinda scared they will say "Hi" back or there will be an awkward silence. I am not u[set about anything just thinking alot into what I feel and how things are. Sometimes it is best to just leave things the way they are and not question them.......but occassionally all I can do is question them. I feel horrible talking to people because I would just be wasting their time. I am scared to think things over because I don't want to dwell in the past or in the routines I have. I seem depressed alot but I am not just somewhat emotionless or unable to find an emotion that is good for that time. Well anyways I should try and find a somewhat decent emotion so I can be happy even though right now I kinda am happy.