I couldn't wait till I got home, to pass the time in my room alone.

[rikkuhavok717]

I don't think I really want to live anymore. It isn't because of any kind of depression, or any particular event... I just don't really feel like wasting my time anymore. I highly doubt I'm going to do anything with my life or make anything of myself, save for a nuisance. I'm depending on people to pass by my time to find something better to do. I feel like I'm dreaming, and everything is really blurry and nothing seems important anymore. The only thing I think I'm really living for is Darin, and that's probably not good. I've tried so hard to be optimistic, to try and learn things and think of what I want to do when I "grow up", and to just have fun while I can. But nothing seems real anymore. I am feeling regret, but for what I don't know.I really should have stayed in school. But then again, I know I'm going to be miserable either way. I just can't seem to look at anything with a positive light anymore. And there is no way I could ever go back to school, because my mom will bitch at me, and so will the NC public school system. At this rate I don't even think I am going to go to any kind of college (and pass, mind you).

I really want to run away. I don't know where I'd go or how I'd get there, and frankly I don't care. I just want to escape from this place, if only for a few weeks. I doubt I'd be able to live very long out there, anyway.

... got to be some more change in my life ...