(no subject)
Today, an employee had a maniacal breakdown while working.
He bikes to work and recently had to move across town.
I helped him find a store to transfer to, and honestly I'm very worried he won't last there.
It has made me second guess my management skills.
Why have I asked my employees to tolerate his mediocrity if I don't think he will be tolerated at another store?
Why do I allow myself to want to help them more than they want to help themselves?
He has no goals in life. One day I told him, "I don't expect you to love your job so much that you want to spend every day here... but I have never had a barista who was so excited to leave."
He apologized and said he doesn't hate his job, he just wants to get home and get his thoughts on paper.
Then one day he told me, "I want to be better at my job. I want to be the barista you are able to put in any position of the store and be trusted to perform to standards."
I told him I couldn't let him transfer unless he met expectations, so yes, that was my goal too.
He has spent the last 2 months improving. I've been so proud of him.
This week is his last week at my store.
When he walked in today, I had a gift wrapped for him.
It was a $30 wal mart gift card to get anything he needed for his new apartment.
and a journal.
I knew he would probably buy himself a plain, spiral bound notebook.
But it feels nicer when it's fancy.
I got him a hardcover notepad with woodgrain detail.
He hugged me, and told me that I may have saved his sanity. He needed money and something to get his thoughts onto.
He hugged me. He is not a hugger. He doesn't express emotion. I knew it was a big deal for him.
and then a few hours later, he cracked.
He was staring, trance-like at a POS screen with no customers around. Fingers hovering over buttons, just laughing. Laughing, and then almost crying. And laughing more. He was shivering. Freezing, while it was 75º.
Another employee brought him to the back, and I hear "I'm trying so hard right now. I just can't."
I told the employee to take him home, and if he opens up during the drive... take his time. Stay with him for as long as he needs.
Chase does so great in situations like this. He is a retired soldier, and he responds wonderfully in emergencies.
Chase brought him home and talked with him. He came back to work and will check on him in the evening.
But then something changed in me.
During his weakest point, I am having a hard time finding compassion.
I have had nothing but compassion, I've tried to invest in him when he was not an ideal employee.
I've forgiven tardiness because I don't know what it is like to ride a bike in winter or rain. Compassion has made me way too lenient.
There has been too many times that I have needed him because he is an employee of the store, and he can't perform the basic duties because he isn't taking care of himself.
I can't want this more than he does.
And today I have given up on him.
I feel like this change in attitude has made me a better manager, but a worse person.