I feel pretty

[rijane99]

Every once in a long, long while,
I will see myself
In the mirror - coming round the corner
in the bathroom
and I will think 'I'm pretty.'
Not
pretty if my hair would flip
or
pretty in the right light
or
pretty if I lost some weight
or
pretty for the less-discerning kind of guy.
Just pretty.

And then I seize up in
Fear.
Knowing that cannot possibly be true
who the hell am I trying to kid.

Pretty girls have boyfriends
and no hang-ups about sex
Pretty girls walk into a bar and out with a kiss.
Pretty girls do not go endlessly without a date.

Pretty girls do not eat entire bags of popcorn
Nightly.
Pretty girls do not warn men to lower their expectations.
Pretty girls do not pluck and wax and suck their bodies into
half-hearted submission.

Pretty girls just are or are not.
I am not.
Until those special, fearful moments

When I am.