Annoying realities of life
I'm angsting. lol, well no, I'm not angsting, but for lack of a better word for it XP
I'm just really upset with myself for not having time to do the stuff I wanna do anymore. And now that I don't have time anymore, I really do have so much stuff to do:
I want to write (with dead muses, unfortunately, the Thallus rewrite, which suddenly feels like crap again O_o when I compare, the OTHER version I need to make for Krissy, the Gaius fics, the Haruhi fics...).
I want to draw (and yes, my muses for this are also dead, even if I want to draw Keske and Serrel, Kairi and her brother, Shin and Ryuu, and about three fanarts I promised for ItsuKyon that I still haven't started, not to mention my LONG OVERDUE birthday present for Imouto-chan).
I have about a DOZEN games I want to play and finish. And yes, even though I haven't played RO in about two months, I DO STILL want to return to it, especially when Em-chan has time again. In fact, I've been meaning to reinstall it, I've just been too lazy to @_@ (And I've been happily looking at my 9GB of free space... ehehe... -_-;;)
Don't forget that I STILL HAVE about FIVE projects that I still haven't worked on, our game design ideas (including the visual novels), and you know what? I still wanna make that comic... But I don't know what our uber plot is supposed to be.
Although since my muses have recently died on me, I think partly because of SIII @_@ so maybe I can't complain too much about time for writing and drawing, because I bet even if I had time, I wouldn't really be able to work on it anyway, resulting in even more lost time of me just staring at blank paper. But then, if I don't stare at the blank paper, nothing comes to me anyway... @.@
But anyway not the point at the moment. Now, with all this stuff to do, I find my time so limited... Then it boils down to one thing that makes me so upset...
WHY WASN'T I DOING ALL THIS DURING MY THREE MONTHS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!
Actually not just those three months. My last term and summer of college, I had so much free time too, actually... despite the fact that I was also doing thesis... I spent so much time at the dorm doing nothing... Well actually the dorm was okay. I watched so much anime then with Jo hahahaha...! And I did so much writing and planning with Katerina-chan at the other dorm before that...
But anyway, I'm just so upset that I took all that free time for granted. I mean... Sure I do actually still have about four to five hours a day to do whatever at home. I get home at six and sleep at around ten to eleven PM. And I still have the weekends. But even those hours go by so quickly. I mean... Starting last week, I actually started COUNTING my hours while I was using them.
I never noticed before how long it actually takes to play an RPG... @_@ I was playing SIII and staring at the clock going "Crap, I spent forty five minutes levelling??" And I spend on average, 20 minutes per mission on GrimGrimoire @.@ And I keep thinking, "I should've done that quicker... Why does it take me five whole minutes to set up my runes, gather mana, and create my mini-army to send into the depths?!" And I was so upset with myself when I took thirty-five minutes on one because I couldn't find the last rune of my enemy... And when I found it, the bi-atch had two uber characters protecting it, and by that time, my mana crystal had already depleted, so I had to find another mana crystal and put a rune by it T__T and spent another five minutes rebuilding my army, not to mention that I had to make the characters that were strong against that character type. (Alchemy versus glamour, DAMMIT)
I hate being conscious about my time!!! I used to not care so much that it usually took me a whole hour to find and kill Arch-Angeling with Etienne on that Yuno map in RO!!! Then after it was dead, I'd waste another thirty minutes hopping to the other map to hunt Angeling and Deviling...! Then another hour (sometimes more) in Poring Island hunting the latter two again, along with Ghostring...! Now I think "I shouldn't go mini-hunting, it takes too much time..."
And the worst thought I had was: I want to finish all this stuff I want to do while I still can. Because sooner or later, I'm not going to be able to, because I will have to move on. I'm going to have to take on more responsibilities, and not rely on my parents and my siblings to take care of everything,
I want a vacation again. I want to leave for another three months to just play games (not even to write and draw...! because I know I can't force it out... @_@) and maybe, watch shows and anime.
But of course I can't do that.
I don't waaanna be toooold to grooow uuuupp~ Cause I don't wanna chaaaange~ I just wanna have fuuuuun~
... Yeah right.
Actually maybe I wouldn't feel so much like this when I've finished all the games I wanna play. It's possible that I'm just feeling like this now because I realized last week that I had so much stuff in my 'backlog' of games to play. Now that I think about it, I didn't really count my hours when I was playing Okami... And I spent much longer on that than on SIII. And I didn't really care that I spent three hours staring at my documents and coming out with only one paragraph before...
Hm... Well we'll see... XP Maybe I just need to get those games out of my system.
I'm just really upset with myself for not having time to do the stuff I wanna do anymore. And now that I don't have time anymore, I really do have so much stuff to do:
I want to write (with dead muses, unfortunately, the Thallus rewrite, which suddenly feels like crap again O_o when I compare, the OTHER version I need to make for Krissy, the Gaius fics, the Haruhi fics...).
I want to draw (and yes, my muses for this are also dead, even if I want to draw Keske and Serrel, Kairi and her brother, Shin and Ryuu, and about three fanarts I promised for ItsuKyon that I still haven't started, not to mention my LONG OVERDUE birthday present for Imouto-chan).
I have about a DOZEN games I want to play and finish. And yes, even though I haven't played RO in about two months, I DO STILL want to return to it, especially when Em-chan has time again. In fact, I've been meaning to reinstall it, I've just been too lazy to @_@ (And I've been happily looking at my 9GB of free space... ehehe... -_-;;)
Don't forget that I STILL HAVE about FIVE projects that I still haven't worked on, our game design ideas (including the visual novels), and you know what? I still wanna make that comic... But I don't know what our uber plot is supposed to be.
Although since my muses have recently died on me, I think partly because of SIII @_@ so maybe I can't complain too much about time for writing and drawing, because I bet even if I had time, I wouldn't really be able to work on it anyway, resulting in even more lost time of me just staring at blank paper. But then, if I don't stare at the blank paper, nothing comes to me anyway... @.@
But anyway not the point at the moment. Now, with all this stuff to do, I find my time so limited... Then it boils down to one thing that makes me so upset...
WHY WASN'T I DOING ALL THIS DURING MY THREE MONTHS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!
Actually not just those three months. My last term and summer of college, I had so much free time too, actually... despite the fact that I was also doing thesis... I spent so much time at the dorm doing nothing... Well actually the dorm was okay. I watched so much anime then with Jo hahahaha...! And I did so much writing and planning with Katerina-chan at the other dorm before that...
But anyway, I'm just so upset that I took all that free time for granted. I mean... Sure I do actually still have about four to five hours a day to do whatever at home. I get home at six and sleep at around ten to eleven PM. And I still have the weekends. But even those hours go by so quickly. I mean... Starting last week, I actually started COUNTING my hours while I was using them.
I never noticed before how long it actually takes to play an RPG... @_@ I was playing SIII and staring at the clock going "Crap, I spent forty five minutes levelling??" And I spend on average, 20 minutes per mission on GrimGrimoire @.@ And I keep thinking, "I should've done that quicker... Why does it take me five whole minutes to set up my runes, gather mana, and create my mini-army to send into the depths?!" And I was so upset with myself when I took thirty-five minutes on one because I couldn't find the last rune of my enemy... And when I found it, the bi-atch had two uber characters protecting it, and by that time, my mana crystal had already depleted, so I had to find another mana crystal and put a rune by it T__T and spent another five minutes rebuilding my army, not to mention that I had to make the characters that were strong against that character type. (Alchemy versus glamour, DAMMIT)
I hate being conscious about my time!!! I used to not care so much that it usually took me a whole hour to find and kill Arch-Angeling with Etienne on that Yuno map in RO!!! Then after it was dead, I'd waste another thirty minutes hopping to the other map to hunt Angeling and Deviling...! Then another hour (sometimes more) in Poring Island hunting the latter two again, along with Ghostring...! Now I think "I shouldn't go mini-hunting, it takes too much time..."
And the worst thought I had was: I want to finish all this stuff I want to do while I still can. Because sooner or later, I'm not going to be able to, because I will have to move on. I'm going to have to take on more responsibilities, and not rely on my parents and my siblings to take care of everything,
I want a vacation again. I want to leave for another three months to just play games (not even to write and draw...! because I know I can't force it out... @_@) and maybe, watch shows and anime.
But of course I can't do that.
I don't waaanna be toooold to grooow uuuupp~ Cause I don't wanna chaaaange~ I just wanna have fuuuuun~
... Yeah right.
Actually maybe I wouldn't feel so much like this when I've finished all the games I wanna play. It's possible that I'm just feeling like this now because I realized last week that I had so much stuff in my 'backlog' of games to play. Now that I think about it, I didn't really count my hours when I was playing Okami... And I spent much longer on that than on SIII. And I didn't really care that I spent three hours staring at my documents and coming out with only one paragraph before...
Hm... Well we'll see... XP Maybe I just need to get those games out of my system.