(no subject)
i cant stop listening to this retrospective of the last eighteen months.
i cleared out my limewire and moved all the music to my itunes, so i have been listening to "love will destroy us in the end" and "stay don't go" alternately for the past a while. for the past too long.
"love will destroy us in the end" is my cierra bolin song. when i listen to it i can almost smell the barren room that housed our dance parties and talking about harold and maude while sitting in a fountain. through the dense notes i can almost hear a warped tape cassette of "oh my love" playing in the background and i can feel your sheets over my legs and lower back. i can almost feel the molten heat of palo alto branding my back while we played with flowers and shared awkward giggles amidst strangers from my past. i miss your smell and i miss your t shirts and i miss belle and sebastian because it still, after almost 18 months, isnt the same without you.
"ambulance" is my downfall. in july it made a home in my pocket as green shirts clung to my back and the stranger behind me's arms as i walked looking down at my feet up christopher street and across st marks place and down avenue a. at night it crawled in my ears as silent spindly rivers eroded my youth and i cried for this unfathomed intimacy that could only lead to more pain.
"going to georgia" is my disappointment. august was too short but at the same time too long. long langorious drives up the residential hills of northwest, once again searching for a view of the city. long tedious naps on over stuffed couches. long fingers dancing across the dashboard while taking long journeys down river road to that place with that field and that...
"stay don't go" is now. it isnt sad, but it isnt happy. it is catchy but not harmonious. it serves as an appropriate backdrop to everything now, and it makes me wonder whether it really encompasses the full scheme of my emotions or if my emotions are confined to its barriers.
i guess all i can do now is listen to hefner and try to go back. and if that doesnt work, try some velvet underground, but often times that can have averse affects as nico sounds so sad.
i think what i have to do now is find a new love song for a new person, but i don't know if i can convince anyone that i can sustain a healthy relationship, because i don't think i can. and at the same token, i don't know if i can retain stability next semester without someone to hold me back, or at least divert attention.
why the fuck am i writing this in an online journal?
i cleared out my limewire and moved all the music to my itunes, so i have been listening to "love will destroy us in the end" and "stay don't go" alternately for the past a while. for the past too long.
"love will destroy us in the end" is my cierra bolin song. when i listen to it i can almost smell the barren room that housed our dance parties and talking about harold and maude while sitting in a fountain. through the dense notes i can almost hear a warped tape cassette of "oh my love" playing in the background and i can feel your sheets over my legs and lower back. i can almost feel the molten heat of palo alto branding my back while we played with flowers and shared awkward giggles amidst strangers from my past. i miss your smell and i miss your t shirts and i miss belle and sebastian because it still, after almost 18 months, isnt the same without you.
"ambulance" is my downfall. in july it made a home in my pocket as green shirts clung to my back and the stranger behind me's arms as i walked looking down at my feet up christopher street and across st marks place and down avenue a. at night it crawled in my ears as silent spindly rivers eroded my youth and i cried for this unfathomed intimacy that could only lead to more pain.
"going to georgia" is my disappointment. august was too short but at the same time too long. long langorious drives up the residential hills of northwest, once again searching for a view of the city. long tedious naps on over stuffed couches. long fingers dancing across the dashboard while taking long journeys down river road to that place with that field and that...
"stay don't go" is now. it isnt sad, but it isnt happy. it is catchy but not harmonious. it serves as an appropriate backdrop to everything now, and it makes me wonder whether it really encompasses the full scheme of my emotions or if my emotions are confined to its barriers.
i guess all i can do now is listen to hefner and try to go back. and if that doesnt work, try some velvet underground, but often times that can have averse affects as nico sounds so sad.
i think what i have to do now is find a new love song for a new person, but i don't know if i can convince anyone that i can sustain a healthy relationship, because i don't think i can. and at the same token, i don't know if i can retain stability next semester without someone to hold me back, or at least divert attention.
why the fuck am i writing this in an online journal?