(no subject)
I'm sitting at home. alone.
My girlfriend of two years pretty much said our relationship is over and is now out somewhere.
I have been sitting here...for much too long. and I feel dead inside.
I've probably caused this. In a John Cusack, high fedility sort of way.
But when I find that I feel like I'm actually doing well in this, that I'm actually failing the worst. I know I'm not always the best boyfriend.
I know I'm not always the best human being. But I was actually TRYING. which is a big step for me.
Really the question now is what. But how can I even move on if I can't even feel a thing. It's like life is passing me by without ever really leaving a mark. I love this girl. Not in the highschool sort of way. But the, I feel so sick I could puke since our conversation on the phone and I'm terrified to know my life without her. sort of way.
But even that doesn't make things, even interesting.
I'm still just sitting here, babbling like it matters to no one. I have no one to talk to.
no one.
My mother even tried to lecture me when I asked about going home tonight. what the fuck is that?
I don't even know why I'm on here. I haven't been on here in close to a year.
Maybe it's guilt for something that I can't quite get passed.
Perhaps a substitute for a lack of anyone to even talk about baseball with.
I don't know.
Every sound I hear I think it's her coming home...
My girlfriend of two years pretty much said our relationship is over and is now out somewhere.
I have been sitting here...for much too long. and I feel dead inside.
I've probably caused this. In a John Cusack, high fedility sort of way.
But when I find that I feel like I'm actually doing well in this, that I'm actually failing the worst. I know I'm not always the best boyfriend.
I know I'm not always the best human being. But I was actually TRYING. which is a big step for me.
Really the question now is what. But how can I even move on if I can't even feel a thing. It's like life is passing me by without ever really leaving a mark. I love this girl. Not in the highschool sort of way. But the, I feel so sick I could puke since our conversation on the phone and I'm terrified to know my life without her. sort of way.
But even that doesn't make things, even interesting.
I'm still just sitting here, babbling like it matters to no one. I have no one to talk to.
no one.
My mother even tried to lecture me when I asked about going home tonight. what the fuck is that?
I don't even know why I'm on here. I haven't been on here in close to a year.
Maybe it's guilt for something that I can't quite get passed.
Perhaps a substitute for a lack of anyone to even talk about baseball with.
I don't know.
Every sound I hear I think it's her coming home...