[ooc] pre-intro essay thing.
Yah okay so I probably won't be introing until after Christmas, but. . . trust me, an essay on Ushio's mentality at this point is as useful for you as it is for me. CONSIDER THIS A GUIDE TO HOW USHIO GOT TO WHERE SHE IS.
SO USHIO IS. . . an interesting character, yes. And admittedly a difficult one to understand, despite valuing simplicity as much as she does.
To begin with, Ushio had a Shitty Family Life that affected a lot of her future insecurities. She thinks of her birthday as "a day to ask forgiveness for living in this world" since her adopted family thought her a nuisance-her mother said something along the lines of "if only I could conceive my own child, I wouldn't have to take someone like you in," while her father calls her an imbecile for "smiling at others, since they'll take advantage of you." SO as a result, Ushio grew up apologizing quite a bit for her own existence. . . until Haine came into the picture.
Haine was kind to her! Wished her happy birthday, said she was Ushio's friend, and spent time with her. So understandably Ushio grew very attached to Haine, since she was the only one who had ever forgiven-and accepted-her for. . . well, existing. At that point, Ushio's feelings were a straightforward desire to be with Haine and be there for her when Haine's life went awry as well.
. . . but then Haine left without warning, and Ushio's feelings reeled into the-well, obsessive. She closed herself off to the idea that anyone other than Haine could be trusted and held the other girl as the object of her life. Everything she did, she did for Haine. And the underlying implication in all the times she said "If I have you, that is enough" was that she wanted that to be true of Haine as well. And while she waited for Haine to be hers and only hers again, she didn't really care what the cost was. As is evident in the fact that she went out with ten or twenty guys at once (despite hating them intensely) to try to get Haine's attention. . . or get what she wanted, such as admission into the student council or Haine's necktie. She says "it's easy to embrace them"-even though it hurts her, she can do it if it means drawing Haine to her. And it probably also "proved" to her that men only operate on base instincts. USHIO HAET MEN. The only thing she refused to do was kiss, since she counted that as a sign of actual intimacy and thus refused to do it with any guy.
But still there are many, many panels of Ushio standing off to the side, looking heartbroken as she watches Haine interact with others and smile for them. She, uh, dumps juice into the lunch of one of Haine's girl friends at one point for talking to Haine in front of her! Even though she loves Haine's smile, she hates to see it directed towards other people-and more than that, she hates to think that Haine is only kind to her since she's kind to everyone. She wants to be the most important person! And it all comes to a climax after Haine actually discovers her with someone in the infirmary and demands to know why Ushio is doing all this. Ushio gives her a kiss and an ultimatum: "If I'm not the most important person in your life, then I never want to see you again!"
And so, in an attempt to save their friendship, Haine agrees to go out with Ushio very briefly. Briefly because it doesn't take long for Ushio to realize that it's all wrong. She has Haine, which is all she ever wanted. . . but she still couldn't smile. CUE SHOUJO EPIPHANY that she actually did want to believe in the other people that she was rejecting! And that the Haine who was kind to everyone was the one she liked most! But she was so set on trying to tie Haine down that she couldn't see it before Senri pointed it out to her. She didn't even realize that her feelings of "love" were just making her hate herself more. And so she apologizes for everything she's done to hurt the people around her, especially Haine, and promises to "open her eyes to a lot more people in the world" \o/ But still ultimately be at Haine's side in the end. T-the first thing she does is give Haine her necktie to wear in her hair since she gave Haine's back to Takanari. IF IT BOTHERS YOU, YOU CAN GIVE HAINE'S BACK TO ME :|
ANYWHO SDC is. . . somewhat sketchy on how she acts afterwards, since the focus shifts primarily to Haine and the twins until the end except for Ushio's continuing pursuit of Senri. App sensei :( :( :( And shoujo likes nothing more than to tie things up neatly. But how I interpret it is that in terms of some of her trademark personality traits-namely devotion to Haine first and foremost, bluntness, and cool delivery more often than not-she still has those. Along with laying the verbal (and occasionally physical) smackdown on people when they're being fools or perverts :| ESPECIALLY MEN though she's developed a. . . tolerance of them. Sort of. What has changed is that she's willing to hold conversations with others, have concern for them, and develop friendships, if she's still not an outgoing sort of person like Haine or Maora is by any sense of the definition. Give others a chance, basically! . . . even if she still does it in characteristic Ushio style. Like when Maora gives her a present, she first goes "it's a nuisance" before saying "I lied" and giving thanks and a smile. So whereas before she would. . . uh, likely approach no one in camp and outright ignore most people or say that she hates them, now she'll-if slowly!-start to trust others. She'll still be fairly hesitant initially and I don't expect any friendships to be immediate, but. SHE'S STARTING TO GET OVER HER ISSUES AND THIS IS A GOOD THING.
. . . not that she can't still dislike someone. You touch Haine and you get Ushio SMASH :||
THAT PROBABLY MADE NO SENSE a-and I am willing to take questions and whatnot, but. YES. sob I am so paranoid since so many people love Ushio ;; ♥
SO USHIO IS. . . an interesting character, yes. And admittedly a difficult one to understand, despite valuing simplicity as much as she does.
To begin with, Ushio had a Shitty Family Life that affected a lot of her future insecurities. She thinks of her birthday as "a day to ask forgiveness for living in this world" since her adopted family thought her a nuisance-her mother said something along the lines of "if only I could conceive my own child, I wouldn't have to take someone like you in," while her father calls her an imbecile for "smiling at others, since they'll take advantage of you." SO as a result, Ushio grew up apologizing quite a bit for her own existence. . . until Haine came into the picture.
Haine was kind to her! Wished her happy birthday, said she was Ushio's friend, and spent time with her. So understandably Ushio grew very attached to Haine, since she was the only one who had ever forgiven-and accepted-her for. . . well, existing. At that point, Ushio's feelings were a straightforward desire to be with Haine and be there for her when Haine's life went awry as well.
. . . but then Haine left without warning, and Ushio's feelings reeled into the-well, obsessive. She closed herself off to the idea that anyone other than Haine could be trusted and held the other girl as the object of her life. Everything she did, she did for Haine. And the underlying implication in all the times she said "If I have you, that is enough" was that she wanted that to be true of Haine as well. And while she waited for Haine to be hers and only hers again, she didn't really care what the cost was. As is evident in the fact that she went out with ten or twenty guys at once (despite hating them intensely) to try to get Haine's attention. . . or get what she wanted, such as admission into the student council or Haine's necktie. She says "it's easy to embrace them"-even though it hurts her, she can do it if it means drawing Haine to her. And it probably also "proved" to her that men only operate on base instincts. USHIO HAET MEN. The only thing she refused to do was kiss, since she counted that as a sign of actual intimacy and thus refused to do it with any guy.
But still there are many, many panels of Ushio standing off to the side, looking heartbroken as she watches Haine interact with others and smile for them. She, uh, dumps juice into the lunch of one of Haine's girl friends at one point for talking to Haine in front of her! Even though she loves Haine's smile, she hates to see it directed towards other people-and more than that, she hates to think that Haine is only kind to her since she's kind to everyone. She wants to be the most important person! And it all comes to a climax after Haine actually discovers her with someone in the infirmary and demands to know why Ushio is doing all this. Ushio gives her a kiss and an ultimatum: "If I'm not the most important person in your life, then I never want to see you again!"
And so, in an attempt to save their friendship, Haine agrees to go out with Ushio very briefly. Briefly because it doesn't take long for Ushio to realize that it's all wrong. She has Haine, which is all she ever wanted. . . but she still couldn't smile. CUE SHOUJO EPIPHANY that she actually did want to believe in the other people that she was rejecting! And that the Haine who was kind to everyone was the one she liked most! But she was so set on trying to tie Haine down that she couldn't see it before Senri pointed it out to her. She didn't even realize that her feelings of "love" were just making her hate herself more. And so she apologizes for everything she's done to hurt the people around her, especially Haine, and promises to "open her eyes to a lot more people in the world" \o/ But still ultimately be at Haine's side in the end. T-the first thing she does is give Haine her necktie to wear in her hair since she gave Haine's back to Takanari. IF IT BOTHERS YOU, YOU CAN GIVE HAINE'S BACK TO ME :|
ANYWHO SDC is. . . somewhat sketchy on how she acts afterwards, since the focus shifts primarily to Haine and the twins until the end except for Ushio's continuing pursuit of Senri. App sensei :( :( :( And shoujo likes nothing more than to tie things up neatly. But how I interpret it is that in terms of some of her trademark personality traits-namely devotion to Haine first and foremost, bluntness, and cool delivery more often than not-she still has those. Along with laying the verbal (and occasionally physical) smackdown on people when they're being fools or perverts :| ESPECIALLY MEN though she's developed a. . . tolerance of them. Sort of. What has changed is that she's willing to hold conversations with others, have concern for them, and develop friendships, if she's still not an outgoing sort of person like Haine or Maora is by any sense of the definition. Give others a chance, basically! . . . even if she still does it in characteristic Ushio style. Like when Maora gives her a present, she first goes "it's a nuisance" before saying "I lied" and giving thanks and a smile. So whereas before she would. . . uh, likely approach no one in camp and outright ignore most people or say that she hates them, now she'll-if slowly!-start to trust others. She'll still be fairly hesitant initially and I don't expect any friendships to be immediate, but. SHE'S STARTING TO GET OVER HER ISSUES AND THIS IS A GOOD THING.
. . . not that she can't still dislike someone. You touch Haine and you get Ushio SMASH :||
THAT PROBABLY MADE NO SENSE a-and I am willing to take questions and whatnot, but. YES. sob I am so paranoid since so many people love Ushio ;; ♥