the old fashioned way
does anyone remember the days when everyone came to birthdays
gave the special guy or girl a gift, a card, a celebration?
well, it appears to me that those days are few and far between.
that the people who are supposed to validate the day of your birth have forgotten the traditional, even hokey ways of adding to the big day.
i had a few friends over on may 28 for a co-birthday.
my birthday is today (the 29th)
and my friend mike's is on the 30th.
fact:
his family has a nasty habit of being uncelebratory.
fact: i had the worst birthday imaginable last year
drama, depression, friends giving nothing (not even a card) just a "oh i think it's your birthday soon?" after i threw them parties, made mix cds, personal cards. special things.
i figured i should take action and make it happen for both of us.
so i invited 10 people over.
it was a nice evening of bbq and talking.
grad night recovery (friday KILLED all of us)
that sort of thing.
people said happy birthday.
some of them did it in a very validating, personal way.
which always outweighs a gift.
a few were friendly. thanked my parents for supplying the food, inviting them into our home.
my best friend made me a sweet card and got me a gorgeous pair of butterfly earrings.
that was really nice of her (and i'll continue to thank her profusely).
and then came time for the cake.
the candles. the part where you make a wish.
there were no gifts.
and not a card in place.
i half expected this as a result of last year's unbirthday
(i call it that because it was one of the worst days of my life and not really a birthday at all)
so i just ignored it and focused on my guests. i mean..8 of them came to the co-birthday out of respect for me and mike, so why would gifts matter in the slightest?
i thought i'd convinced myself that this was a perfectly justifiable evening and birthday equivalent.
i was wrong.
today..on my actual birthday..i talked to my sister after school.
she said that she and my mom were disgusted at the no-show cards or gifts.
that people could have done something. i said that, at least two of the friends that didn't give a gift said thank you, gave me hugs and said the famous words. that the one close friend that didn't show up has been there for me this year and that while i gave her a personal gift for day, she'd made it up in kindness.
then it occured to me that this was not satisfactory.
that i was purely an old fashioned broad amid hoards of apathetic teenagers.
even if people are nice and respectable all year round..i like it intimate.
when someone acknowledges your birthday
with words on a card
a gift
you name it
you know they are validating your life in a concrete & tangible way.
you can touch how special and meaningful your relationship has been.
for the past two years, my best friend's mom has given her daughter a suprise party.
this year, a mutual close friend created a scrap book for her.
full of memories..personal notes and love from all of us.
i realize that
in a world of everydays
something like this beats out regularity
really, i'm not a recognition whore
i just think each of us could appreciate the gesture
at spring boards, a few close friends sent me senior letters.
my chaverim wrote in my yearbook
they spoke of
enouragement
memories
and friendship
but i knew that they weren't just words.
they were a whole montage of actions
larger than life
thicker than paper
they can live 1000 miles away and they'll always remember me.
and you can rest assured, i will always remember them.
so are birthdays just another day of the year?
i should hope not.
whoever reads this, expect love.
make it. personalize it. express it.
let's not kid ourselves. a reminder is what counts.
edit: since, the same thing happened this year {i gave and people didn't give back (in terms of birthdays)} should i stop gift-giving to these party folk all-together? my mom's vote is to refuse to give them anything for their birthdays anymore.