just trying to Evolve...
she was hungry, so hungry
she was trying to think clear.
she kept opening the fridge door
looking at the mustard and the beer
and then, finally she went out into the rain,
carrying her bicycle chain
and her feet were pedals while her appetite steered.
And after that, she just followed her nose,
and fate is not just who's cooking smells good,
but which way the wind blows
she layed down in her party dress,
and never got up
needless to say she missed the party
she just got sad, then she got stuck
she was wincing like something brittle
trying hard to bend,
she was numb with the terror of losing her best friend.
we never see things changin'
we just see them ending.
and some viscious, whispering voice
kept saying you have no choice...
you have...
'cause when I look at you,
i squint,
you are that beautiful
and my pussy is a tractor, and this is a tractor-pull.
i am haunted by my explicit dreams,
and I can't really wake up
so I drift in between thinking
the glass is half-empty
and thinkin its not quite full...
the pouring rain is no place for a bicycle ride,
try to hit the brakes and you slide
and you slide
and you slide
(Ani D)
Yeah, I haven't updated in a while, it feels good to sit down at the computer.
today was a seamless day in santa cruz, warm with 80 degrees in the air, and waves topped each other as the day went on, bringing surfers and me to the beach.
Jaclyn adn her fiance came down and it was so good to see them, smoke with them, enjoy thier joy of each other. They get married in Puerto Vallarta this October, and I cant wait to go. All-inclusive hotel, etc.
this weekend I was in the city, on Sansome at the Amnesty International office sitting on the Human Rights Education committee with Mrs. Parris, my late and great AP Senior english teacher, who is still as inspirational as ever. I got to read some of her poetry between sessions (9-5 sat and sunday). It was a seriously beautiful weekend in the city, and I stayed in a cute hotel from which I could hear the insanity of San Fransisco. Made me remember why I originally wanted to apply to SF State for grad school. Can't wait til that stage comes. I'm on the brink of this graduation thing, and tottering over the edge of the unknown...
my car is partially fixed- that is my mechanic tinkered around til he found what damage the loose timebelt had done, and next job is the timebelt itself. We went for a drive on Westcliff and up Hwy-1 N to test it out. Much better performance. It was also the first time he and I had talked about 'us' since the summertime... apparently his girlfriend is freaked out by me bringing my car to him, since she broke into his email and checks his phone calls/messages... and is threatened by me. He brought me back a mask from Indonesia, where he was for a month in the summer. I had sent him off with "Fear and Loathing" the novel, and homemade cookies. (he returned to her.)
It just got me to thinking about my position in men's lives. I dont have the problem of feeling unwanted or a lack of interest. So why the fear of standing up for me? It's a rare day when i question myself, which is why Im so itchy at the moment. I am 400 miles away from the one who pours his love to me, electronically, but cant muster up the weekend to shine on me, to touch my face and see my eyes. I am the good friend, the objective wise woman, observing and helping them with "other" girl problems. it is hard to understnad WHY it is. Why i offer such a non-commital, light but dense and rich love, and in return receive false promises, all the intentions and sweet eyes, or heartened text messages. But at the end of the day, i am left cooking for my housemates, and getting PLENTY of sleep. i am glad to have my endless studies to keep me bogged down in work, to be heavy with day's work and friends' company. but its lonely and sometimes i feel a breeze across my skin that brings me back to Love, and i am left feeling empty and unsatisfied. i look forward to the day i can meet a man who can look me squarely in the eye and say the things he means, and stay. and not find another excuse. venus fly traps.
the winds of change are a'blowin, they were setting some serious waves sets off today, up the 1, and in my brain. dreams of new zealand come day and night, and emails from the faces i left there invigorate my day and my spirit. i am going back. But for how long?
More important, do you fear how fierce it would be?
she was trying to think clear.
she kept opening the fridge door
looking at the mustard and the beer
and then, finally she went out into the rain,
carrying her bicycle chain
and her feet were pedals while her appetite steered.
And after that, she just followed her nose,
and fate is not just who's cooking smells good,
but which way the wind blows
she layed down in her party dress,
and never got up
needless to say she missed the party
she just got sad, then she got stuck
she was wincing like something brittle
trying hard to bend,
she was numb with the terror of losing her best friend.
we never see things changin'
we just see them ending.
and some viscious, whispering voice
kept saying you have no choice...
you have...
'cause when I look at you,
i squint,
you are that beautiful
and my pussy is a tractor, and this is a tractor-pull.
i am haunted by my explicit dreams,
and I can't really wake up
so I drift in between thinking
the glass is half-empty
and thinkin its not quite full...
the pouring rain is no place for a bicycle ride,
try to hit the brakes and you slide
and you slide
and you slide
(Ani D)
Yeah, I haven't updated in a while, it feels good to sit down at the computer.
today was a seamless day in santa cruz, warm with 80 degrees in the air, and waves topped each other as the day went on, bringing surfers and me to the beach.
Jaclyn adn her fiance came down and it was so good to see them, smoke with them, enjoy thier joy of each other. They get married in Puerto Vallarta this October, and I cant wait to go. All-inclusive hotel, etc.
this weekend I was in the city, on Sansome at the Amnesty International office sitting on the Human Rights Education committee with Mrs. Parris, my late and great AP Senior english teacher, who is still as inspirational as ever. I got to read some of her poetry between sessions (9-5 sat and sunday). It was a seriously beautiful weekend in the city, and I stayed in a cute hotel from which I could hear the insanity of San Fransisco. Made me remember why I originally wanted to apply to SF State for grad school. Can't wait til that stage comes. I'm on the brink of this graduation thing, and tottering over the edge of the unknown...
my car is partially fixed- that is my mechanic tinkered around til he found what damage the loose timebelt had done, and next job is the timebelt itself. We went for a drive on Westcliff and up Hwy-1 N to test it out. Much better performance. It was also the first time he and I had talked about 'us' since the summertime... apparently his girlfriend is freaked out by me bringing my car to him, since she broke into his email and checks his phone calls/messages... and is threatened by me. He brought me back a mask from Indonesia, where he was for a month in the summer. I had sent him off with "Fear and Loathing" the novel, and homemade cookies. (he returned to her.)
It just got me to thinking about my position in men's lives. I dont have the problem of feeling unwanted or a lack of interest. So why the fear of standing up for me? It's a rare day when i question myself, which is why Im so itchy at the moment. I am 400 miles away from the one who pours his love to me, electronically, but cant muster up the weekend to shine on me, to touch my face and see my eyes. I am the good friend, the objective wise woman, observing and helping them with "other" girl problems. it is hard to understnad WHY it is. Why i offer such a non-commital, light but dense and rich love, and in return receive false promises, all the intentions and sweet eyes, or heartened text messages. But at the end of the day, i am left cooking for my housemates, and getting PLENTY of sleep. i am glad to have my endless studies to keep me bogged down in work, to be heavy with day's work and friends' company. but its lonely and sometimes i feel a breeze across my skin that brings me back to Love, and i am left feeling empty and unsatisfied. i look forward to the day i can meet a man who can look me squarely in the eye and say the things he means, and stay. and not find another excuse. venus fly traps.
the winds of change are a'blowin, they were setting some serious waves sets off today, up the 1, and in my brain. dreams of new zealand come day and night, and emails from the faces i left there invigorate my day and my spirit. i am going back. But for how long?
More important, do you fear how fierce it would be?