(no subject)
What Has Changed
"Of course we're fine dining, we're always fine dining."
He laughs with a sharp gleam in his eyes, and his cronies laugh along
I bow my head, let the awkward moment pass
explain myself more thoroughly
though I wonder what I'm doing here
I know somehow the place will
probably not
last the year
I've seen the newspaper clippings, read the headlines
Besides
I've been held on a string
more than once, twice,
twenty times already
dangling high above only
to be let go, released again
into some unknown
region of innerspace, some
emotion I'm not yet familiar enough with
to grasp or comprehend
I'm living a life that I haven't chosen, for the lack of
choosing has been
my
achilles heel
But I'm understanding the phrase
scared to death
and how it differs from being
afraid
of
death.
How is one scared to death?
How does one look his lover in the eye and think
how
how how
how how how how how howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow
and don't you tell me
how not
this is no time for tired phrases.
Give me a reason why and when and where
hard work and dedication
actually
pay off
and I'll laugh in your face and say,
"Fine dining?
Of course we're
fine dining."
(cb, 2010)