why, look at me?
All sober enough to write.
Oh goodness, I haven't even bathed in two days but I'm too stoned to go home right now. Plus this is the first time in two weeks that I have any creative edge and my golly do I feel fucking honest. I've been here at my cousins house since wednesday. Thats when we started drinking. My dad broke my heart again all over drugs and so, I fled to the liquor store by 2pm. Gin and water is great for the afternoon on weekdays. It looks just like I'm staying hydrated and there is hardly any smell. I was drunk by 3pm and the glaze in my eyes snuck by Lauretta and everyone else because I was angry and crying. Now I'm just wasting time here. Its either that or synthetic drugs and I fear that my brain can't handle crystal like it use to. So one day its 26 of GIN, the next day its 26 of whiskey and the day after that, its a case of beer. I cook wicked when I'm drunk. I think that why everyone likes me being around drinking with them. I know it can't be because I'm such a good hetero. Cause I'm way to stylish for that. They, on the other hand are all good heteros here. Dramatic and sometimes anoyying as fuck. But hey, when I'm wasted it all makes me laugh so hard and there we all are together. Laughing and not giving a fuck about anything. We sometimes speak in our language. Its the best thing right now. This weekend I played in this Volleyball turney and I kicked ass! All my frustrations came out and I worked myself hard. Plus most of the community was there and it was a safe space free from drugs & alcohol. I finally felt good at home and Carrier when they bugged me and called me butch. They ended it with, "Cha, she sure look like it too!" Everyone laughed and I turned red in the face. They were giving me a hard time but I laughed even harder than any of them cause if they only knew how fucking gay of a hilarious comment that actualy was? Why, they'd all be laughing like me.
Geezus, I don't know what I'm doing right now. I feel like I'm being selfish just like my dad. Lauretta is kind of worried. But to make amends she told my cousin to bug me and ask me if I was all shacked up! haha, she's so funny sometimes. I was like, "ehhhh." We laughed. Well he is on his way here to smoke me up so before I drink anymore I hope to get back here and continue this. But I make no promise. I don't promise anything to anyone other than that I'm going to drink some more. I can't take the heartbreak of breaking promises right now. It bad enough that I probably smell bad right now.
what a tipical indian I'm being and it fits me so well.
Update!!
Today is Wednesday and I'm finally at home now. Just a few chores to be done around here. Oh yeah, Lauretta made damn sure to remind me of what is needed to be done and that I didn't forget my conscience over at Ashley's.
Even my Dad said to me,
"So hey Skunk? Are you doing ok?"
I told him,
"sure."
and just to give him a hard time I added,
"Dad, well actually, I'm not doing so well."
And I paused for a moment looking down,
"You see, we're out of SOy. OH my god! We are out of SOY! Pleeeeease go get me some at the store. You know how I can't live with out it."
He just darted me a glance and tried his best not to laugh.
When me and my dad get along, we really get a long. We really make each other laugh. He tells me stories all day and I just get to listen to his hilarious crassness.
Like today he says to me,
"So I go to get new Glasses in Prince George and you know how I hate Prince George. And once the white receptionist saw that the government was paying for half; that I was native. She starts giving me a hard time. You know, being your typical prince george honkey goof. So I says to her, you know this morning I just told my wife how much I hate this city and that sometimes I wish I were a broad for times like this. Then I would kick your ass right now. The men around here never get as far as you just did with that ignorance."
And I was like,
"Noooooooooooooo way dad! You said that?! What did she do? Call security?"
"Nope, she just apologized to me and started treating me like my money was just as good."
And I finished it with,
"pffft. honkeys."
When my dad is sober he's awesome to shoot the shit with.
I'm soooo in love with him. He just went to get me Soy.
Oh goodness, I haven't even bathed in two days but I'm too stoned to go home right now. Plus this is the first time in two weeks that I have any creative edge and my golly do I feel fucking honest. I've been here at my cousins house since wednesday. Thats when we started drinking. My dad broke my heart again all over drugs and so, I fled to the liquor store by 2pm. Gin and water is great for the afternoon on weekdays. It looks just like I'm staying hydrated and there is hardly any smell. I was drunk by 3pm and the glaze in my eyes snuck by Lauretta and everyone else because I was angry and crying. Now I'm just wasting time here. Its either that or synthetic drugs and I fear that my brain can't handle crystal like it use to. So one day its 26 of GIN, the next day its 26 of whiskey and the day after that, its a case of beer. I cook wicked when I'm drunk. I think that why everyone likes me being around drinking with them. I know it can't be because I'm such a good hetero. Cause I'm way to stylish for that. They, on the other hand are all good heteros here. Dramatic and sometimes anoyying as fuck. But hey, when I'm wasted it all makes me laugh so hard and there we all are together. Laughing and not giving a fuck about anything. We sometimes speak in our language. Its the best thing right now. This weekend I played in this Volleyball turney and I kicked ass! All my frustrations came out and I worked myself hard. Plus most of the community was there and it was a safe space free from drugs & alcohol. I finally felt good at home and Carrier when they bugged me and called me butch. They ended it with, "Cha, she sure look like it too!" Everyone laughed and I turned red in the face. They were giving me a hard time but I laughed even harder than any of them cause if they only knew how fucking gay of a hilarious comment that actualy was? Why, they'd all be laughing like me.
Geezus, I don't know what I'm doing right now. I feel like I'm being selfish just like my dad. Lauretta is kind of worried. But to make amends she told my cousin to bug me and ask me if I was all shacked up! haha, she's so funny sometimes. I was like, "ehhhh." We laughed. Well he is on his way here to smoke me up so before I drink anymore I hope to get back here and continue this. But I make no promise. I don't promise anything to anyone other than that I'm going to drink some more. I can't take the heartbreak of breaking promises right now. It bad enough that I probably smell bad right now.
what a tipical indian I'm being and it fits me so well.
Update!!
Today is Wednesday and I'm finally at home now. Just a few chores to be done around here. Oh yeah, Lauretta made damn sure to remind me of what is needed to be done and that I didn't forget my conscience over at Ashley's.
Even my Dad said to me,
"So hey Skunk? Are you doing ok?"
I told him,
"sure."
and just to give him a hard time I added,
"Dad, well actually, I'm not doing so well."
And I paused for a moment looking down,
"You see, we're out of SOy. OH my god! We are out of SOY! Pleeeeease go get me some at the store. You know how I can't live with out it."
He just darted me a glance and tried his best not to laugh.
When me and my dad get along, we really get a long. We really make each other laugh. He tells me stories all day and I just get to listen to his hilarious crassness.
Like today he says to me,
"So I go to get new Glasses in Prince George and you know how I hate Prince George. And once the white receptionist saw that the government was paying for half; that I was native. She starts giving me a hard time. You know, being your typical prince george honkey goof. So I says to her, you know this morning I just told my wife how much I hate this city and that sometimes I wish I were a broad for times like this. Then I would kick your ass right now. The men around here never get as far as you just did with that ignorance."
And I was like,
"Noooooooooooooo way dad! You said that?! What did she do? Call security?"
"Nope, she just apologized to me and started treating me like my money was just as good."
And I finished it with,
"pffft. honkeys."
When my dad is sober he's awesome to shoot the shit with.
I'm soooo in love with him. He just went to get me Soy.