A thought on interpersonal relationships, and my failure at them.
Hmm.
I guess there's no way around it.
I miss Dune. Not entirely-the last month or so we talked he was frustrating and selfrighteous. But the fact is, before that, we were, if not -close-, pretty good friends, for several years.
He managed to make me feel at home during the Sailor Moon RPG, when Hal was blowing hot and cold, and Eb had me convinced he hated my guts. He managed to make Redux great fun despite problems. Arc 2 was an unmitigated disaster...which was partly my fault, and partly due to the fact that the game had a perplexing feel of one-upmanship.
Also, Losing Merc Hurt.
Part of my pulling away from the scene was that I had a real problem letting go. And partly, I understood I had a problem, which made me want to pull away. IRC is a huge black hole of time wasting if you're not careful. I felt like I was shortchanging my best friend for attention, and getting little in return.
But I miss the old games. I miss Dune at his best...and kindest. Before Hal's big snit at the beginning of Redux, I was actually hesitant to talk too much with him, for fear he'd supplant my best friend without meaning to. He was that nice. Maybe he still is, and I just don't get to see it? Maybe dealing with people like us turned him into what was frustrating me? And Maybe I'm just being unfair all 'round.
On the other hand, his political views are nothing short of mystifying. And he can be pretty condescending if you don't see eye to eye with him. That's what hurt him with May. She takes her politics very seriously, and their battles were...epic. It was horrible.
Me, not so much. I'm not fascinated by politics. Personally, I consider modern politics to be distasteful. A bloodsport more about greed and a great, gaping need for attention that more politicians seem to have, these days, than leading the nation. I could have handled just leaving the topic alone. What got to me was the way he was treating my best friend. May is precious to me. I literally wouldn't be here without her. And he...well, Like I said, it was horrible.
I tried a little more IRC after that, mostly with Plushie. But after a big fight with him, it turns out that I'm simply bad with people.
I dunno what I'm trying to say here. Mostly that I'd like another Chance with Dune. Even if we can't recover the good feelings completely, I'd like to still be a friend of sorts. As respect for the Welcome feeling he gave me back then.
Maybe we can, maybe we can't. Hey, and even if we can't...I'd like to pull out Makoto and Ami, or Maybe even Setsuna, if I can find a Character sheet, and get out Kotono and Rei and Hotaru from Game One, and have a go at a few omakes, for old times sake.
Maybe I'll get up the nerve to ask him someday. Maybe I'll be too afraid to try, because I still suck at talking to people, and I fear awkward silence.
Maybe I'll fret about this until it becomes too late, somehow.
I think I'll go read Ami's old splinter game now. Good Times.
Thanks for those, Dune.
I guess there's no way around it.
I miss Dune. Not entirely-the last month or so we talked he was frustrating and selfrighteous. But the fact is, before that, we were, if not -close-, pretty good friends, for several years.
He managed to make me feel at home during the Sailor Moon RPG, when Hal was blowing hot and cold, and Eb had me convinced he hated my guts. He managed to make Redux great fun despite problems. Arc 2 was an unmitigated disaster...which was partly my fault, and partly due to the fact that the game had a perplexing feel of one-upmanship.
Also, Losing Merc Hurt.
Part of my pulling away from the scene was that I had a real problem letting go. And partly, I understood I had a problem, which made me want to pull away. IRC is a huge black hole of time wasting if you're not careful. I felt like I was shortchanging my best friend for attention, and getting little in return.
But I miss the old games. I miss Dune at his best...and kindest. Before Hal's big snit at the beginning of Redux, I was actually hesitant to talk too much with him, for fear he'd supplant my best friend without meaning to. He was that nice. Maybe he still is, and I just don't get to see it? Maybe dealing with people like us turned him into what was frustrating me? And Maybe I'm just being unfair all 'round.
On the other hand, his political views are nothing short of mystifying. And he can be pretty condescending if you don't see eye to eye with him. That's what hurt him with May. She takes her politics very seriously, and their battles were...epic. It was horrible.
Me, not so much. I'm not fascinated by politics. Personally, I consider modern politics to be distasteful. A bloodsport more about greed and a great, gaping need for attention that more politicians seem to have, these days, than leading the nation. I could have handled just leaving the topic alone. What got to me was the way he was treating my best friend. May is precious to me. I literally wouldn't be here without her. And he...well, Like I said, it was horrible.
I tried a little more IRC after that, mostly with Plushie. But after a big fight with him, it turns out that I'm simply bad with people.
I dunno what I'm trying to say here. Mostly that I'd like another Chance with Dune. Even if we can't recover the good feelings completely, I'd like to still be a friend of sorts. As respect for the Welcome feeling he gave me back then.
Maybe we can, maybe we can't. Hey, and even if we can't...I'd like to pull out Makoto and Ami, or Maybe even Setsuna, if I can find a Character sheet, and get out Kotono and Rei and Hotaru from Game One, and have a go at a few omakes, for old times sake.
Maybe I'll get up the nerve to ask him someday. Maybe I'll be too afraid to try, because I still suck at talking to people, and I fear awkward silence.
Maybe I'll fret about this until it becomes too late, somehow.
I think I'll go read Ami's old splinter game now. Good Times.
Thanks for those, Dune.