Writing
I used to love to write. But when Role Playing 'Caught on' with me, I feel like I 'lost my voice' as it were and 'tried too hard' to 'fit in' and began to 'Overuse quotes'.
Okay, seriously, the 'Lost my voice' part wasn't me kidding. I'm influenced by a number of things, but the intense focus on one of a number of different entertainments takes something away from my writing. Let's see if I can recapture it.
---
Rain. The rain seemed neverending. It began sometime before I woke up this morning, and by the time I opened my eyes, there was no morning sun to greet me, just a thick grey, and the moody swirl of clouds obscuring the sun, and casting the campus into shadow.
The gloom seemed to reach into my dorm room as pervasively as the morning sun would have, touching my living area with a cool, moist touch that suited me well. I'm not a gloomy person, but there's something about an overcast or rainy day that just sits well with me. Like a refuge from the pressure of the sunny, happy days, you can relax when it rains.
I peeled back my covers, and began my morning routine, and I started to smile as I heard the first gentle patters of raindrops against my window as I was brushing my teeth, and I smiled a little around my toothbrush as I tried to figure out what I was going to do with myself today. It had been a hectic few weeks, but things were finally beginning to settle down, and as an added bonus, there was no school today. After a quick shower, I dried off , and wrapped the warmest towel I could find around my chest as I flicked off the bathroom light, walking back out to enjoy the muted hues of the gray morning. I padded over to the closet, ignoring the goosebumps rising on my skin from the cool morning air and opened it, bypassing the the fancier clothes, and even the simpler, presentable ones. I discarded several things before I finally settled on a dark green turtleneck and a long wool skirt. I made a face as I slipped it over my hips. Dressing neatly does wonders for your reputation, but on a day like today, I could really have used a pair of slacks.
Pausing, I went back over to my bed and picked up my glasses and slipped them on, tying my hair back in a ponytail as I turned and walked to the kitchen. I retrieved a leftover can of juice, and began to go hunting for the rest of my breakfast when I realized I wasn't very hungry. Mother would be appalled at my disregard for my growing body...but she sent me to this boarding school, after all. Should she still get a say in how I'm being raised if she's not doing the raising?
On a sudden whim, I suddenly turned and headed for the door to my room, pausing to pick up an umbrella, and my room keys, and stuff a few bills in my pocket, just in case. I chose an old, battered pair of sneakers from the back of my closet and slipped them on, methodically tying the laces in a double knot. I stood again, retrieved my umbrella and went out.
The first thing that hit me was the smell. You know how people complain about how wet things smell? I honestly don't know what they're talking about. Rainfall has a scent that isn't quite a scent, but more a change in the air that you smell somehow. There's probably a long, boring explanation that Hakase could give me but I don't care enough to ask. Sometimes, things just are what they are.
I walked down the steps, listening to how muted my footfalls were on the metal stairs in sneakers instead of flats, opening my umbrella as I went, and walking straight out into the rain without hesitation as the droplets pattered lightly onto the waterproof fabric stretched over my head. Picking a direction at random I began to walk, looking around at the scenery as I went.
The grounds took on an interesting, shimmering quality, a weak glimmer in the greyness as rain methodically soaked the grounds. The rain itself was almost invisible, a presence that was felt, but unseen, unless you actively looked for the falling droplets. The atmosphere was very gloomy, but somehow pretty at the same time. I liked it a lot. It felt like -me-. A sunny, perky personality that was to garner approval and adoration from the masses, but a core of melancholy moodiness that was the real me.
I managed a smile to myself as I caught sight of the school emerging from the gloom, the rain beginning to increase in intensity as if my earlier thoughts had offended the weather somehow, and it had decided to go into a snit. You could see the droplets now without trying, the gradual increase in tempo adding the interesting sight of tiny splashes on the pavement as the raindrops smashed into it, and the beginnings of a decidedly angry looking mist added to the mix. It didn't bother me much, though. Though soft rain was prettier, there was something striking about the feel of the rain as well, and I passed the school grounds, I was so caught up in the scenery that I didn't even see him emerge from the gloom. I just looked over, and there he was.
"Good morning, Chisame-san."
I had a hard time believing he could be so relentlessly cheerful, even in the rain. Even the idiots in my class have the good taste to be a little more subdued when it rains. "You call this good?" I asked, a little more sharply than I meant to. After all, I would call it that. I was enjoying myself.
"Um..Well, that is-" He fumbled for a minute, then smiled again. It wasn't until I saw the raindrops trickling out of his hair that I realized he didn't have his own umbrella. Well, that was none of my business. I'm not his mother. Though, honestly, that made me wonder who exactly -was- his mother. Letting a ten-year old teach school in Japan seemed like an abandonment that dwarfed even my family problems. "I guess not. Rain just makes me a little homesick, but thinking of Wales makes me smile, so-" He trailed off and shrugged, and I felt a little twinge, looking at him. There was no question the brat had a special kind of charm. It was almost hidden, the way a newly budding rose's pollen is barely visible, but when he got older...
I felt a sudden burst of pity for Izumi. She'd been subjected to a grown up version of that charm, and even today, when you talk to her about the festival, you can tell she's gone totally silly for 'Nagi'.
Sighing a little, I leaned over and grabbed him. "Come here, stupid. You're going to get sick." I said, pulling him under the umbrella. Where's Kagurazaka? Isn't she his designated babysitter?
"I don't want to trouble you-"
"Just do it."
"Where are you going?"
That stopped me short. Where -was- I going? "To town, I guess." I replied, starting to walk again. He kept pace easily, and I had to remember that he wasn't an ordinary little boy before I started to get amazed.
"Alone?"
"Something wrong with that?"
"No, no-It's just...you're alone a lot. Still." He added the last word and stressed it almost too late, and I gave him an annoyed look.
"Are you still nosing around in my business?"
"You're one of my students." He replied, again with enough cheer to make you gag.
"I don't do the social thing. I don't fit in with our class, and we're all happiest that way."
"Chachamaru-san disagrees. She likes you."
I felt an unfamiliar heat crawling up my neck and into my cheeks. The robot was really friendly, even though we'd only talked seriously for a little while, and I'd been in peak cynical and sarcastic form. She was very warm, and it was nice, but I could never get the nagging question out of my head-'Why does she care?' I realized I'd mulled it over too long, and gave him the first answer that came to mind. "So?"
"So you don't have to be alone." He replied patiently, with the mature tone he seems to be able to turn on and off like a light switch.
"What if I like being alone?"
"No one likes being alone all the time." He replied gravely, and I looked at him as we walked. The train station to take me into town was coming into view and the rain had intensified again. I didn't feel like marvelling at the scenery anymore. The rain was like a blanket, cool and enveloping and giving the scene a very intimate, 'in our own world' kind of a feeling that made me start to squirm.
"Know that for a fact, do you?" I asked sarcastically, in a somewhat feeble attempt to keep my mental house of cards in order.
"Yes." He replied in a tone so quiet and sad that I though for a moment he'd cry, and a sudden burst of sympathy and guilt began to strangle me. He -has- led a hard life. I sighed a little, and abandoned my attempt to wall him out, feeling the sudden need to atone.
"Well, I'm not alone. I have you." I tried, and he looked up at me with a bright smile, and I felt the little twinge again.
"Yes, you do." He agreed. We fell into a silence, and the sounds of the rain rushed back in to void left by our voices. It wasn't awkward, strained, or anything. Almost companionable.
I liked it.
Okay, seriously, the 'Lost my voice' part wasn't me kidding. I'm influenced by a number of things, but the intense focus on one of a number of different entertainments takes something away from my writing. Let's see if I can recapture it.
---
Rain. The rain seemed neverending. It began sometime before I woke up this morning, and by the time I opened my eyes, there was no morning sun to greet me, just a thick grey, and the moody swirl of clouds obscuring the sun, and casting the campus into shadow.
The gloom seemed to reach into my dorm room as pervasively as the morning sun would have, touching my living area with a cool, moist touch that suited me well. I'm not a gloomy person, but there's something about an overcast or rainy day that just sits well with me. Like a refuge from the pressure of the sunny, happy days, you can relax when it rains.
I peeled back my covers, and began my morning routine, and I started to smile as I heard the first gentle patters of raindrops against my window as I was brushing my teeth, and I smiled a little around my toothbrush as I tried to figure out what I was going to do with myself today. It had been a hectic few weeks, but things were finally beginning to settle down, and as an added bonus, there was no school today. After a quick shower, I dried off , and wrapped the warmest towel I could find around my chest as I flicked off the bathroom light, walking back out to enjoy the muted hues of the gray morning. I padded over to the closet, ignoring the goosebumps rising on my skin from the cool morning air and opened it, bypassing the the fancier clothes, and even the simpler, presentable ones. I discarded several things before I finally settled on a dark green turtleneck and a long wool skirt. I made a face as I slipped it over my hips. Dressing neatly does wonders for your reputation, but on a day like today, I could really have used a pair of slacks.
Pausing, I went back over to my bed and picked up my glasses and slipped them on, tying my hair back in a ponytail as I turned and walked to the kitchen. I retrieved a leftover can of juice, and began to go hunting for the rest of my breakfast when I realized I wasn't very hungry. Mother would be appalled at my disregard for my growing body...but she sent me to this boarding school, after all. Should she still get a say in how I'm being raised if she's not doing the raising?
On a sudden whim, I suddenly turned and headed for the door to my room, pausing to pick up an umbrella, and my room keys, and stuff a few bills in my pocket, just in case. I chose an old, battered pair of sneakers from the back of my closet and slipped them on, methodically tying the laces in a double knot. I stood again, retrieved my umbrella and went out.
The first thing that hit me was the smell. You know how people complain about how wet things smell? I honestly don't know what they're talking about. Rainfall has a scent that isn't quite a scent, but more a change in the air that you smell somehow. There's probably a long, boring explanation that Hakase could give me but I don't care enough to ask. Sometimes, things just are what they are.
I walked down the steps, listening to how muted my footfalls were on the metal stairs in sneakers instead of flats, opening my umbrella as I went, and walking straight out into the rain without hesitation as the droplets pattered lightly onto the waterproof fabric stretched over my head. Picking a direction at random I began to walk, looking around at the scenery as I went.
The grounds took on an interesting, shimmering quality, a weak glimmer in the greyness as rain methodically soaked the grounds. The rain itself was almost invisible, a presence that was felt, but unseen, unless you actively looked for the falling droplets. The atmosphere was very gloomy, but somehow pretty at the same time. I liked it a lot. It felt like -me-. A sunny, perky personality that was to garner approval and adoration from the masses, but a core of melancholy moodiness that was the real me.
I managed a smile to myself as I caught sight of the school emerging from the gloom, the rain beginning to increase in intensity as if my earlier thoughts had offended the weather somehow, and it had decided to go into a snit. You could see the droplets now without trying, the gradual increase in tempo adding the interesting sight of tiny splashes on the pavement as the raindrops smashed into it, and the beginnings of a decidedly angry looking mist added to the mix. It didn't bother me much, though. Though soft rain was prettier, there was something striking about the feel of the rain as well, and I passed the school grounds, I was so caught up in the scenery that I didn't even see him emerge from the gloom. I just looked over, and there he was.
"Good morning, Chisame-san."
I had a hard time believing he could be so relentlessly cheerful, even in the rain. Even the idiots in my class have the good taste to be a little more subdued when it rains. "You call this good?" I asked, a little more sharply than I meant to. After all, I would call it that. I was enjoying myself.
"Um..Well, that is-" He fumbled for a minute, then smiled again. It wasn't until I saw the raindrops trickling out of his hair that I realized he didn't have his own umbrella. Well, that was none of my business. I'm not his mother. Though, honestly, that made me wonder who exactly -was- his mother. Letting a ten-year old teach school in Japan seemed like an abandonment that dwarfed even my family problems. "I guess not. Rain just makes me a little homesick, but thinking of Wales makes me smile, so-" He trailed off and shrugged, and I felt a little twinge, looking at him. There was no question the brat had a special kind of charm. It was almost hidden, the way a newly budding rose's pollen is barely visible, but when he got older...
I felt a sudden burst of pity for Izumi. She'd been subjected to a grown up version of that charm, and even today, when you talk to her about the festival, you can tell she's gone totally silly for 'Nagi'.
Sighing a little, I leaned over and grabbed him. "Come here, stupid. You're going to get sick." I said, pulling him under the umbrella. Where's Kagurazaka? Isn't she his designated babysitter?
"I don't want to trouble you-"
"Just do it."
"Where are you going?"
That stopped me short. Where -was- I going? "To town, I guess." I replied, starting to walk again. He kept pace easily, and I had to remember that he wasn't an ordinary little boy before I started to get amazed.
"Alone?"
"Something wrong with that?"
"No, no-It's just...you're alone a lot. Still." He added the last word and stressed it almost too late, and I gave him an annoyed look.
"Are you still nosing around in my business?"
"You're one of my students." He replied, again with enough cheer to make you gag.
"I don't do the social thing. I don't fit in with our class, and we're all happiest that way."
"Chachamaru-san disagrees. She likes you."
I felt an unfamiliar heat crawling up my neck and into my cheeks. The robot was really friendly, even though we'd only talked seriously for a little while, and I'd been in peak cynical and sarcastic form. She was very warm, and it was nice, but I could never get the nagging question out of my head-'Why does she care?' I realized I'd mulled it over too long, and gave him the first answer that came to mind. "So?"
"So you don't have to be alone." He replied patiently, with the mature tone he seems to be able to turn on and off like a light switch.
"What if I like being alone?"
"No one likes being alone all the time." He replied gravely, and I looked at him as we walked. The train station to take me into town was coming into view and the rain had intensified again. I didn't feel like marvelling at the scenery anymore. The rain was like a blanket, cool and enveloping and giving the scene a very intimate, 'in our own world' kind of a feeling that made me start to squirm.
"Know that for a fact, do you?" I asked sarcastically, in a somewhat feeble attempt to keep my mental house of cards in order.
"Yes." He replied in a tone so quiet and sad that I though for a moment he'd cry, and a sudden burst of sympathy and guilt began to strangle me. He -has- led a hard life. I sighed a little, and abandoned my attempt to wall him out, feeling the sudden need to atone.
"Well, I'm not alone. I have you." I tried, and he looked up at me with a bright smile, and I felt the little twinge again.
"Yes, you do." He agreed. We fell into a silence, and the sounds of the rain rushed back in to void left by our voices. It wasn't awkward, strained, or anything. Almost companionable.
I liked it.