emotions go bam bam bam
so i guess i jsut have a lot of emotions at the moment. listening to the radio on the way home with savannah, i felt like it was talking to me. weird. like when every song that comes on fits your life perfectly...like its trying to give you advice. as if its all planned out and meant for you. yup..it was meant for me.
**I'm sort of stuck at a medium right now. Their is happiness where i'm at..but i still want more. I'm not completely satisfied yet. There has to be a little more in all of this. It cant jsut stop there. It cant jsut stay at where its at forever. If its going to regress...then let it. But i dont want it to stay at this point where i'm hoping and anticipating what is only some potential result. It either msut get better..or go back. this in between is killing me.
but to get better---people must act better. Thats what they all say right. but do they all follow what they say. not always. practical? no. but do they care? probably not. i just hate how people can lead you on to trick you out. like they are on the same level as you one moment and then the next they are off on thier own cloud and completely not thinking the same way as you. its frustrating. and i'm not blunt enough to flat out say it. i word it through alot of underlying implications. probably a bad thing. but thats how its always been done. so its sort of this repititive cycle that cant be stopped.
**i feel like i'm being stretched and pulled to several people's enjoyment. they have me right where they want me and they are happy. I'm obviously not, but i dont think that matters as long as the situation is where they want it to be...then they are okay with me being jsut halfway satisfied....even if thats not what they tell me.
**I hate how some people are completely negative. I jsut guess i have this uncanny ability to read people really well. I know exactly what they are doing..and how they are about to act. So i sort of get annoyed before they even annoy me...cuz i know its coming. people are so negative upon themselves and it drives me crazy. If you're fishing for attention, you won't find true help cuz you dont need it. but you've got to learn to be more confident. dont be that shallow timid one that everyone looks at and can read straight through. that role wasnt meant for you. you are putting it upon yourself because you think you're superhero is going to come save you and rescue you from the big hole you're digging yourself. But in reality, you are your own superhero. However long you wait to save yourself, the harder it will be. So jsut step up now, and take it.
so aside from all of that which no one gets anyways, today was alot of fun. After school Amy Brit and I went to go get Sonics and they we went and made our volleyball warm-up CD. eee. i'm so excited. its amazing. :)))))
**I'm sort of stuck at a medium right now. Their is happiness where i'm at..but i still want more. I'm not completely satisfied yet. There has to be a little more in all of this. It cant jsut stop there. It cant jsut stay at where its at forever. If its going to regress...then let it. But i dont want it to stay at this point where i'm hoping and anticipating what is only some potential result. It either msut get better..or go back. this in between is killing me.
but to get better---people must act better. Thats what they all say right. but do they all follow what they say. not always. practical? no. but do they care? probably not. i just hate how people can lead you on to trick you out. like they are on the same level as you one moment and then the next they are off on thier own cloud and completely not thinking the same way as you. its frustrating. and i'm not blunt enough to flat out say it. i word it through alot of underlying implications. probably a bad thing. but thats how its always been done. so its sort of this repititive cycle that cant be stopped.
**i feel like i'm being stretched and pulled to several people's enjoyment. they have me right where they want me and they are happy. I'm obviously not, but i dont think that matters as long as the situation is where they want it to be...then they are okay with me being jsut halfway satisfied....even if thats not what they tell me.
**I hate how some people are completely negative. I jsut guess i have this uncanny ability to read people really well. I know exactly what they are doing..and how they are about to act. So i sort of get annoyed before they even annoy me...cuz i know its coming. people are so negative upon themselves and it drives me crazy. If you're fishing for attention, you won't find true help cuz you dont need it. but you've got to learn to be more confident. dont be that shallow timid one that everyone looks at and can read straight through. that role wasnt meant for you. you are putting it upon yourself because you think you're superhero is going to come save you and rescue you from the big hole you're digging yourself. But in reality, you are your own superhero. However long you wait to save yourself, the harder it will be. So jsut step up now, and take it.
so aside from all of that which no one gets anyways, today was alot of fun. After school Amy Brit and I went to go get Sonics and they we went and made our volleyball warm-up CD. eee. i'm so excited. its amazing. :)))))