When Things Fall Apart & PCT Obsessions!
There is this book that I have been meaning to read by Pema Chodron called When Things Fall Apart. This book which is written by a bhikkhuni (Buddhist Nun)of the Western Buddhist Order, has a certain pull to me from the past, present, and future. First of all the title seems to call to me as things that have recently went on in my life. Things last night and this mornign revolved around the disappointment of the destruction of my climbing team. The Yamabushi as I had mentioned before disolved due to the wrong direction, lack of organization, and conflicting egos. In my own honesty, many of the reasons of it's ends were due to my own ego-creating-choices. In the end, my core group of friends are seemingly stand offish with me, much as was the case with John Solo. Yet one thing I have learned is that disappointment and hard feelings can be cured with time. Yet the cyclic nature of this set up seems to be what plagues me the most.
I came home and reconnected with the most important figure in my group of friends, my roomate. In many ways, this seems to be part of my perpetual ground. No matter what goes down, what happens in life, he's always there. I talked to him about the situation with the climbing group. For me this last disappointment was the end. I caused a lot of it, but clashing heads between another seemed to also be part of it. In the end, my mountaineering dreams are on hold for another day. We headed out had a couple of really strong drinks, and burgers.
One of the main reasons that I want to read Pema Chodron's book is what it has to say. Right now I am faced with that loneliness. It is something that has confronted me for along time. In many ways I had placed more into the hands of my group of friends then they had ever really know. Now, looking at how that attachment and ego creating, has formed a rift. I am reminded of this central problem in my life. It is ironic that the final days of my marriage that Delci was reading this book for a class, and now this book sits on the night table of Rebecca. I beleive tonight when I head to her place I will begin reading it.
With all this swirling in my head, and the absolute ragging disappointment that Ivan gave me today over these disappointments, I have found a sense of peace over the whole experience. I meet up with Becca at the Bauhaus (Which is now offically, NOT a place to get together to study), which settled my mind quite a bit. I realize I am some one unlike my friend that needs to have that male-female companionship. The reality is that I feel this love is a mature love, that is progressing at a relaxed pace. Once again, we sat outside, as I worked on a project and she read for here Medical Research Methods Class. It was what I needed at the time, and helped inprove my day.
Now I stand looking over three large wall maps of North & South California and Oregon. Section by section I have began to add the information on my destine trip that will occupy much of my next year's mind, the PCT. For me this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time. In many ways more then mountaineering, my legs has longed to travel this trail as it weaves it's way through the crest of the mountains of the west coast. I feel in a sense that this will begin a long arguous journey, that I am not quite to sure where it will end. But right now, high above Seattle, with maps layed out, it gives me a sense of peace. I look at this as a entry into a walking mediation of 4 1/2 months. When I come to that full stop, I hope to have some of my questions answered, but realize that there will be many more that will come to mind. This is such the way of things. And I accept that...
-- Ridgewalker
I came home and reconnected with the most important figure in my group of friends, my roomate. In many ways, this seems to be part of my perpetual ground. No matter what goes down, what happens in life, he's always there. I talked to him about the situation with the climbing group. For me this last disappointment was the end. I caused a lot of it, but clashing heads between another seemed to also be part of it. In the end, my mountaineering dreams are on hold for another day. We headed out had a couple of really strong drinks, and burgers.
One of the main reasons that I want to read Pema Chodron's book is what it has to say. Right now I am faced with that loneliness. It is something that has confronted me for along time. In many ways I had placed more into the hands of my group of friends then they had ever really know. Now, looking at how that attachment and ego creating, has formed a rift. I am reminded of this central problem in my life. It is ironic that the final days of my marriage that Delci was reading this book for a class, and now this book sits on the night table of Rebecca. I beleive tonight when I head to her place I will begin reading it.
With all this swirling in my head, and the absolute ragging disappointment that Ivan gave me today over these disappointments, I have found a sense of peace over the whole experience. I meet up with Becca at the Bauhaus (Which is now offically, NOT a place to get together to study), which settled my mind quite a bit. I realize I am some one unlike my friend that needs to have that male-female companionship. The reality is that I feel this love is a mature love, that is progressing at a relaxed pace. Once again, we sat outside, as I worked on a project and she read for here Medical Research Methods Class. It was what I needed at the time, and helped inprove my day.
Now I stand looking over three large wall maps of North & South California and Oregon. Section by section I have began to add the information on my destine trip that will occupy much of my next year's mind, the PCT. For me this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time. In many ways more then mountaineering, my legs has longed to travel this trail as it weaves it's way through the crest of the mountains of the west coast. I feel in a sense that this will begin a long arguous journey, that I am not quite to sure where it will end. But right now, high above Seattle, with maps layed out, it gives me a sense of peace. I look at this as a entry into a walking mediation of 4 1/2 months. When I come to that full stop, I hope to have some of my questions answered, but realize that there will be many more that will come to mind. This is such the way of things. And I accept that...
-- Ridgewalker