January 2009
Wow, has it been a whole month already? Time sure does fly when one looks back upon it. What has been going on, who's doing what, what has the world been up to these days? It would be nice to see which way the year has gone so far for the rest of the people out there. Here's what's been up so far with me.
~Twenty-five, wholly crap I just turned a quarter century old. Age really does not mean much to me, it's just another number anyway. I have always felt older than I was, responsibilities have pushed a more mature feeling about myself at a young age. This year felt odd though for some reason. My birthday has never been a major event. I had two parties that I can remember when I was little, but I was never invited out to other birthdays so maybe my parents were just saving me from social rejection; weird now that I think about it. It was extremely on the DL, no one remembers birthdays anyway, so it went by quickly and quietly. Jarett took me to “The Salmon House on the Hill” where we had a most delicious, quiet dinner. I know it was expensive, the view was beautiful overlooking the lights of Vancouver, and I will be racking my brain to figure out something for Jarett's gift in June. Other than that, mom sent me a treat tower and some Tastycakes(tm) and the Humphrey's had a small dinner gathering two nights ago. Short and sweet, twenty-five years young, grumpy, and graying :P.
~Between our trip to PA and everyone going to FC, we have not seem much of the normal friend group. We just did a gathering out at nitroshep which turned out ok. He was sick as a dog (pun intended) and I felt bad that all of us pretty much crashed his place anyway. Sorries go out to the shepard who didn't even get to... wait, we bugged the shit out of him anyway, he got more party than we did. Ok, so yea, poor guy, sorry. Now some interesting things happen at these gatherings, and I'll leave it at that.... yeeeea.
~The store has slowed down. The owner just got back from yet another vacation in Hawaii, his second this year (it's only been a month mind you). He has been cutting hours and staff, so floor staff are few and far between. It's taxing when things are changing so much too. They are removing aisles and putting in new ones along with the ever changing seasonal department, my department. Our General Manager is leaving and our Sports/Seasonal manager is stepping up to the plate. That leaves Sports and Seasonal without managers, yay! No, not really yay, because it means chaos and things not getting done, oh wait, that's Canadian Tire motto! Damn if this job wasn't so convenient I would have been gone a long time ago.
~The other things...
I've been fighting for a smile each day, some easier than others, but lately, especially today, it's been harder. It's been getting worse with wanting nothing to do with going out or chatting online. Most times I just do little things about the house, walk the dog, or doodle; all tasks that allow for too much thinking. I have nothing to blame but myself, but that doesn't make this dark cloud go away or the situation easier to deal with.
The biggest thing I'm fighting right now is keeping even moods. They have been so up and way down that it's become taxing on mind and body alike. The sudden fluctuations are not only frustrating, they are somewhat debilitating in little ways and are hurting my body. I tried to get a little something while on break yesterday and ended up just walking around the store complex because there were too many people that it felt like they were all looking at me. I really want to be able to party too. Let loose, and be like everyone else in Jarett's friend groups would be wonderfully satisfying, but I feel so stupid or unworthy that I just sit with a silly grin... it's all a fake. The other night was such a flop for me. Excited to see people, I'm happy I went to show my face but in the end, it just did nothing for me and actually beat myself up over the whole night. This needs to stop, me-hopes I can look back on this tomorrow and just Bitch Slap myself out of this murky mood.
~Art has not been flowing from my fingers per say, but I did up a few doodles for my personal pleasure that I think came out ok. I've been writing a few stories too! One will be revised later tonight or tomorrow and perhaps posted to my art accounts, but the other ones are probably going to hit the cutting block. I've been working on a few and with wanting PERFECTION I just am unable to finish a single one of them. Decent plots, ok characters, they were fun to fantasize over.
~So, looking on to the next month of February we'll see what comes up. It is going to be interesting to see what comes of the store the next few weeks, they keep doing shit like they are, they are going to end up with no staff and a lot more angry customers.
~Twenty-five, wholly crap I just turned a quarter century old. Age really does not mean much to me, it's just another number anyway. I have always felt older than I was, responsibilities have pushed a more mature feeling about myself at a young age. This year felt odd though for some reason. My birthday has never been a major event. I had two parties that I can remember when I was little, but I was never invited out to other birthdays so maybe my parents were just saving me from social rejection; weird now that I think about it. It was extremely on the DL, no one remembers birthdays anyway, so it went by quickly and quietly. Jarett took me to “The Salmon House on the Hill” where we had a most delicious, quiet dinner. I know it was expensive, the view was beautiful overlooking the lights of Vancouver, and I will be racking my brain to figure out something for Jarett's gift in June. Other than that, mom sent me a treat tower and some Tastycakes(tm) and the Humphrey's had a small dinner gathering two nights ago. Short and sweet, twenty-five years young, grumpy, and graying :P.
~Between our trip to PA and everyone going to FC, we have not seem much of the normal friend group. We just did a gathering out at nitroshep which turned out ok. He was sick as a dog (pun intended) and I felt bad that all of us pretty much crashed his place anyway. Sorries go out to the shepard who didn't even get to... wait, we bugged the shit out of him anyway, he got more party than we did. Ok, so yea, poor guy, sorry. Now some interesting things happen at these gatherings, and I'll leave it at that.... yeeeea.
~The store has slowed down. The owner just got back from yet another vacation in Hawaii, his second this year (it's only been a month mind you). He has been cutting hours and staff, so floor staff are few and far between. It's taxing when things are changing so much too. They are removing aisles and putting in new ones along with the ever changing seasonal department, my department. Our General Manager is leaving and our Sports/Seasonal manager is stepping up to the plate. That leaves Sports and Seasonal without managers, yay! No, not really yay, because it means chaos and things not getting done, oh wait, that's Canadian Tire motto! Damn if this job wasn't so convenient I would have been gone a long time ago.
~The other things...
I've been fighting for a smile each day, some easier than others, but lately, especially today, it's been harder. It's been getting worse with wanting nothing to do with going out or chatting online. Most times I just do little things about the house, walk the dog, or doodle; all tasks that allow for too much thinking. I have nothing to blame but myself, but that doesn't make this dark cloud go away or the situation easier to deal with.
The biggest thing I'm fighting right now is keeping even moods. They have been so up and way down that it's become taxing on mind and body alike. The sudden fluctuations are not only frustrating, they are somewhat debilitating in little ways and are hurting my body. I tried to get a little something while on break yesterday and ended up just walking around the store complex because there were too many people that it felt like they were all looking at me. I really want to be able to party too. Let loose, and be like everyone else in Jarett's friend groups would be wonderfully satisfying, but I feel so stupid or unworthy that I just sit with a silly grin... it's all a fake. The other night was such a flop for me. Excited to see people, I'm happy I went to show my face but in the end, it just did nothing for me and actually beat myself up over the whole night. This needs to stop, me-hopes I can look back on this tomorrow and just Bitch Slap myself out of this murky mood.
~Art has not been flowing from my fingers per say, but I did up a few doodles for my personal pleasure that I think came out ok. I've been writing a few stories too! One will be revised later tonight or tomorrow and perhaps posted to my art accounts, but the other ones are probably going to hit the cutting block. I've been working on a few and with wanting PERFECTION I just am unable to finish a single one of them. Decent plots, ok characters, they were fun to fantasize over.
~So, looking on to the next month of February we'll see what comes up. It is going to be interesting to see what comes of the store the next few weeks, they keep doing shit like they are, they are going to end up with no staff and a lot more angry customers.