3:21 AM
So... I could tell you what I have been up to recently, and I could tell you the stories that come from such adventures (such as seeing my twin at a Harry Potter midnight release, hearing new songs that make me cry, having a gamer girlfriend, and so on), but that too seems inadequate to the level of expectation I give these posts. I want these posts to challenge everyday thought, share the utter embodiment of my heart and soul, and give the reader a glimpse into who I am as a human.
However, these kind of revelations never surface when I sit down to write, and all of the emotion felt from events in life are all drained out of me because I have already felt and dealt with them.
So in an attempt to dig up emotions (and add some spice to this thing) I have a deep deep concern about money that is literally making me implode. I am so worried about money, and having financial stability, that my heart feels it is under a certain weight, and my head swirls with worries. "I dont think I will have enough gas to go job searching tomorrow." "When will I feel comfortable with myself again... this joblessness is making me feel like I am failing myself." "This could be a test that God is giving me to depend on Him... and if so when do I pass?" These are all the deeper questions, my head literally hurricanes with things like "ok, so tomorrow I gotta call Apple, and I gotta be at Joes Crab Shack between 2pm-4pm. What should I wear, the green shirt again? Will I have the gas? I really hope I get one of these jobs. So far I have been missing every job opportunity, so hopefully these will play out." and so on.
I wish I could just give up and depend on God to do it all, but the problem with that is if I dont go out and try, its limiting God on how He can help me.
So as usual in this time of my life, these posts end with an atmosphere of "now what.". So now what? Now we wait to see how job pan out, and how life unfolds.