my suicidal dream
"I dream about how it's going to end:
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear;
I only want my mind to be clear.
People making fun of me
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasize about my death--
I'll kill myself from holding my breath.
My suicidal dream...
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream...
I'm sure you will get yours too.
Help me, comfort me.
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here. Now I'll find a use:
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in the noose.
My suicidal dream...
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream...
I'm sure you will get yours too.
Dreamin' about my death.
Dream...
Suicidal,
suicidal,
suicidal dream.
I'm suicidal.
Suicidal dream."
~"Suicidal Dream," Silverchair
=====
i don't get it. i'm not unhappy. confused and uncertain in areas, but not depressed. and yet i think about suicide so often. not necessarily my doing it, just the idea of it, but sometimes it gets to that.
like today...i saw lorrie moore, who got her mfa from cornell. she is one of my favorite short story writers, especially "amahl and the night visitors." i got her autograph.
anyway, when i stepped outside it was snowing. first snow of the year. and i walked home serene, past kids who were having fun, screaming, throwing snow at each other.
and all i thought about was how it would be a beautiful way to die. how easy it would be. i would just fall asleep somewhere, and at dawn i'd be crystallized, buried in a thick layer, sparkling and still in the sunlight.
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear;
I only want my mind to be clear.
People making fun of me
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasize about my death--
I'll kill myself from holding my breath.
My suicidal dream...
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream...
I'm sure you will get yours too.
Help me, comfort me.
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here. Now I'll find a use:
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in the noose.
My suicidal dream...
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream...
I'm sure you will get yours too.
Dreamin' about my death.
Dream...
Suicidal,
suicidal,
suicidal dream.
I'm suicidal.
Suicidal dream."
~"Suicidal Dream," Silverchair
=====
i don't get it. i'm not unhappy. confused and uncertain in areas, but not depressed. and yet i think about suicide so often. not necessarily my doing it, just the idea of it, but sometimes it gets to that.
like today...i saw lorrie moore, who got her mfa from cornell. she is one of my favorite short story writers, especially "amahl and the night visitors." i got her autograph.
anyway, when i stepped outside it was snowing. first snow of the year. and i walked home serene, past kids who were having fun, screaming, throwing snow at each other.
and all i thought about was how it would be a beautiful way to die. how easy it would be. i would just fall asleep somewhere, and at dawn i'd be crystallized, buried in a thick layer, sparkling and still in the sunlight.