(no subject)
ahhh.
ahhhhhhh.
it is my last semester at oberlin. a mere 2 or 3 weeks left.
it's been hard. i've been sleeping during the day so i don't have to face the emotions.
i'm sad. i'm scared. i'm regretful.
i want to spend weeks, months, years, a lifetime with these people. i want to hang out with them so much. it can never be enough.
it's fucking hard.
one of my hardest experiences i've ever had.
breathe. breathe.
i'm scared to enter a world where my ideas are fringe and melodramatic and disillusioned and emotional and too womanly and too arty and too liberal and too too too.
no. i am just right. i have seen light. i have tasted how good this world can be and how good it is, always.
i'm scared to be hurt by people. for them to give me bad looks and tell me i'm crazy. ahhhh. the people here don't hurt me. they understand me and encourage me to go more more more. we inspire each other.
maybe i should look at it like
i've gained a lot of strength here. amounted a big tool kit so i can handle the world. i can be strong in the world. i can be a light.
i can be the change. i can create communities that are just as i want them.
i think i want to move to portland, oregon. hopefully some friends will be there too. if not, i'll find new beautiful people. i see that town as a halfway house. beautiful people are everywhere. everyone is beautiful.
summer ideas:
-omega institute
-israel
-move straight to portland
-penland school
ahhhhhh why do all these obies come back and sometimes complain? say it's a harsh world and we have it so easy here. with our co-op meals and our everyone on the same page. people go into a post-graduation depression. it's a huge goal of mine to be an obie who graduates and is content.
ahhhhhhhhh
lifeeeeeeee
youuuuuuu areeeeeee soooooooo harddddddddd
ok, gotta go to west african dance group practice!
momma advises i just be present during this last time here.
it's hard.
i can do it.
ahhhhhhh.
it is my last semester at oberlin. a mere 2 or 3 weeks left.
it's been hard. i've been sleeping during the day so i don't have to face the emotions.
i'm sad. i'm scared. i'm regretful.
i want to spend weeks, months, years, a lifetime with these people. i want to hang out with them so much. it can never be enough.
it's fucking hard.
one of my hardest experiences i've ever had.
breathe. breathe.
i'm scared to enter a world where my ideas are fringe and melodramatic and disillusioned and emotional and too womanly and too arty and too liberal and too too too.
no. i am just right. i have seen light. i have tasted how good this world can be and how good it is, always.
i'm scared to be hurt by people. for them to give me bad looks and tell me i'm crazy. ahhhh. the people here don't hurt me. they understand me and encourage me to go more more more. we inspire each other.
maybe i should look at it like
i've gained a lot of strength here. amounted a big tool kit so i can handle the world. i can be strong in the world. i can be a light.
i can be the change. i can create communities that are just as i want them.
i think i want to move to portland, oregon. hopefully some friends will be there too. if not, i'll find new beautiful people. i see that town as a halfway house. beautiful people are everywhere. everyone is beautiful.
summer ideas:
-omega institute
-israel
-move straight to portland
-penland school
ahhhhhh why do all these obies come back and sometimes complain? say it's a harsh world and we have it so easy here. with our co-op meals and our everyone on the same page. people go into a post-graduation depression. it's a huge goal of mine to be an obie who graduates and is content.
ahhhhhhhhh
lifeeeeeeee
youuuuuuu areeeeeee soooooooo harddddddddd
ok, gotta go to west african dance group practice!
momma advises i just be present during this last time here.
it's hard.
i can do it.